You’ve probably heard lots of songs, read lots of books, and seen lots of movies where people fall in love and say they’re “addicted” to love and being in love. It’s strong, effective language that gives us an idea of the intensity of a relationship. But it troubles me to see that painted as the ideal. Because love addiction is a real thing. Like other addictive behaviors, it can disrupt lives and damage relationships without proper treatment.

More Than Just Enjoying Feeling in Love

The reason people become addicted to love and being in love is because those feelings make us feel good. And just like an addiction to drugs or alcohol, people can become hooked on the feelings they get when they love someone intensely, to the point where that’s all they think about.

Love addiction goes beyond enjoying feeling in love or being happy with your partner. If you are love addicted, you feel controlled by the desire to be in a relationship, or with the person you’re in a relationship with.

• You can’t stop thinking or talking about relationships or your partner.
• You’re always anxious about whether you will be in a relationship or stay in a relationship. Your physical health is affected: you can’t eat or sleep, and you stop taking care of yourself adequately in favor of focusing on your relationship or your partner.
• You start feeling afraid about being alone and feeling unloved, no matter what else is going on. It feels like you’re coming up with reasons a relationship may not work out.
• There’s always something more you want from relationships.

Far from being a happy, carefree time, a relationship for someone with love addiction feels like you are never satisfied, always longing. You are always chasing the “high” that feeling loved gives you, but it’s never quite what you want or expect.

Love Addiction Damages Relationships

The truth is, I’ve seen love addiction damage relationships. It sets impossible expectations for your partner and leaves them feeling frustrated and drained. It leads to tension because, while you are focused on them, it is so that you can feel better, feel happier, or feel more loved. Your partner often feels like their needs are ignored, and that whatever they do, no matter how much they act out of love, it’s never good enough to keep you at peace and satisfied with the relationship.

Love addiction can erode trust if it’s left unaddressed long-term. It can also lead to relationship-hopping. If you’re not able to find the same “in love” feeling with someone for an extended period of time, you’ll likely end up leaving an otherwise healthy or stable relationship.

You Can Recover from Love Addiction

The good news is, love addiction can be treated, and healing can happen. I’ve seen plenty of people find truly happy and fulfilling relationships after beginning love addiction recovery. And better yet, I’ve seen people become more content with who they are, whether they’re in a relationship or not.

Love addiction treatment is similar to that of other addictive behaviors. There are 12-step programs and organizations that offer specialized support for people with love addiction. I encourage you to do some research - there are plenty of people who are ready and willing to help.

I also want to remind you that even when your struggles with love addiction seem the most difficult, there is always hope, and you are always loved. You are loved by God unconditionally, and He wants you to experience true joy and true fulfillment in all your relationships. He will give you the strength you need to engage in meaningful recovery.

And you’re already in a supportive place. TheHopeLine offers resources and online mentoring to aid in love addiction recovery. Talk to a HopeCoach today to get support for love addiction and begin your healing journey. We are here for you, and we’ll listen without judgment.

To break free from love addiction you have to own it. It is so hard to let our false beliefs go while admitting reality all at the same time. Find out more here.

How to Heal After Abuse

It breaks my heart to know you’re dealing with the effects of abuse. You probably feel a lot of difficult emotions. Maybe you struggle with hating yourself. Maybe you’re having trouble reclaiming stability in your mental health.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s safe and helpful to acknowledge it. Understanding your feelings helps you sort through them, find meaning, and reclaim your hope.

Sometimes, no matter what you try, or how determined you are, it’s going to feel as though you will never heal or find happiness after abuse.
When you feel this way, it’s important to remember that healing from any painful experience is not like flipping a switch. It doesn’t happen at one moment in time. It’s a lifelong journey you take one day at a time.

If you’re not sure where to start on the path to healing after abuse, reminding yourself of these truths once a day may be helpful.

Abuse Is Never Your Fault

Blaming yourself for abuse is natural. After all, the person who abused you probably spent a lot of time and effort to convince you that their cruelty and rage sprang from something you said.

But the truth is this: abuse is never, ever your fault. Abusive behavior is only the responsibility of the person who abused you, and they are the only one who has to answer for or justify what they’ve done. Remind yourself of this fact as often as you need to as you work toward healing each day.

Abusive Words Are Not True

One of the most toxic things about abusive relationships is how true abusive words feel to the person victimized by abuse. When you remember what you were told about yourself, chances are you have to fight not to believe those things. That’s because you were manipulated by your abuser, who lied to you in order to continue their harmful behaviors.

Reminding yourself abusive words are not true is an important step toward healing. But it will likely take more than just your efforts to retrain your brain.

Support groups, counseling, and mentoring can be very helpful in post-abuse recovery. People who are specially trained to help others heal after abuse know which techniques are more effective, and what works best when healing from the various types of abuse.

People Find Hope After Abuse

One thing you will notice as you hear stories from other abuse survivors is this: very often, people find hope and rediscover purpose as they recover from abuse. And it may not be through a major breakthrough or life transformation. Reconnecting with feelings of peace, hope, love, and gratitude may start as simply as:

• Developing a healthy self-care routine that nourishes your mind, body and spirit
• Spending time in places where you feel at peace spiritually or closer to God
• Enjoying nature, a hobby, or a favorite book
• Visiting beloved friends and family

Whatever efforts you make, I believe you will rebuild a sense of meaning and hope in your life, especially with people in your corner to help you through it.

You Can Get Support Right Away

If there is a silver lining for you to find today, it’s this. You can get support right away to begin healing from abuse. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you’re not sure where to start. We can help connect you with resources in your area, suggest healthy coping habits, and provide encouragement. We are proud of you for seeking healing, and we believe you will find hope and happiness again.

Knowing when to leave an unhealthy relationship can be hard. It comes down to safety and self-care. Find out if you should leave or stay. 

Visit Our Partner Resources for Assistance: 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7)
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) 24/7

How to Know If You Should Get Back with an Ex

Getting back with your ex: is it ever a good idea? I’ve had a lot of people ask me about that over the years. Whether it’s possible to get back with your ex depends on where you are in life and what your relationship was like before it ended. It’s best to ask yourself some tough questions and be honest about the answers.

How Much Time Has Passed?

Sometimes it’s tempting to call, text, or meet up with someone you broke up with recently because you feel lonely, and you miss being with them. This feeling is natural, but it’s important not to reenter any relationship without giving yourself time to take care of yourself, including:

• Time to heal from pain and anger
• Time to remember who you are as an individual, and what you want from life
• Time to get the support you need to move forward in a healthy way
• Time to gain contentment and peace

There’s no set amount of time that all of this happens. But being attentive to how you’re feeling, where you’re focused, what your priorities are, and how much emotional energy you have can give you an idea of when you are at a place where you can reconsider a relationship without making a rash decision.

As you think this through, it may help to meditate on the situation, or pray about how you’re feeling. God cares about your relationships, and He can give you the wisdom to make difficult decisions and find the support you need.

How Have Things Changed?

Along with giving you more clarity, the passage of time can help you see whether things have changed.

If your stress level has decreased, or if you feel your life has a greater stability since your breakup, that could mean you’re prepared to re-engage in conversations with someone you dated.

Have you changed? Maybe your breakup taught you some things about yourself that you’ve been working really hard to change and correct. If you feel like you’ve made a lot of progress, perhaps your ex would be open to having a conversation about your relationship.

Has your ex changed? It’s impossible to know whether someone’s heart or mind has truly changed. But we can often observe changes in their behavior. It may be that your ex has made some adjustments to how they communicate, how they respond when they’re upset, or what they want from a relationship. If you and others have observed that, perhaps you can consider reconnecting to see how things are going.

An important note here:

if you or your ex had significant issues with addiction or abuse, changing addictive behaviors and patterns doesn’t happen overnight. It can take years, or even decades, before significant progress is made. Your safety should be your number one priority.

Why Did We Break Up?

It’s a difficult truth, but you aren’t with your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend because there was an issue that led to a breakup. Something happened to cause your relationship to end.

People break up for many reasons. Was your breakup because you wanted different things? Were the two of you at different places in life? Or did things end because you found yourself in a toxic relationship that wasn’t good for your mental health?

If the relationship didn’t feel safe or healthy when you were last together, it is best to focus your time and energy on friendships and relationships where you are thriving and free to be yourself without being manipulated or controlled.

Sometimes, whether or not you should get back together is not clear cut. If you need relationship advice, you are in a safe place.

Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine. We offer encouragement as you navigate relationship challenges. Whatever you’re facing, we are here to listen and help.

Thinking about getting back together with your ex, but feeling guilty about the breakup? Read my blog for the answers to your questions.

How to Handle an Unplanned Pregnancy

A “crisis pregnancy” can happen for a lot of reasons.  Maybe you’re dealing with the pain and trauma of a sexual assault that resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. Perhaps you and your boyfriend found out you were pregnant before you felt financially prepared to raise a child. Or maybe the person you were with before becoming pregnant has decided he doesn’t want to be in the child’s life. 

Encouragement During Unplanned Pregnancy

Whatever the circumstances are, if you’re facing a crisis pregnancy, you can get through it. I want you to know these things:

• You are not alone. You have people who care about you, and there are plenty of resources and organizations you can count on for help and support. 
• God loves you. No matter where you are in your faith journey, it can be tested by something like an unplanned pregnancy. Depending on the circumstances, you may feel guilt, shame, or fear that God doesn’t love you. But he loves you no matter what circumstances you’re facing, and he will not abandon you.
• You will find a solution: If you seek people who provide caring support during unplanned pregnancy, you can and will find a solution that affords you and your baby a good quality of life.  

Partner Organizations for Crisis Pregnancy

If you have told friends and family, you trust you’re pregnant, they’ll likely offer to help. But if they are unable to help, or if you don’t feel safe sharing information about your pregnancy with people in your life, you’re not without help. We partner with many organizations who offer compassionate crisis pregnancy support, including:

• Option Line: Option Line is a crisis pregnancy and abortion information hotline. They assess the need and then connect you with a pregnancy center in your area. 
• Bethany Christian Services:  When you're facing an unplanned pregnancy, your mind jumps right to options. Before you decide, take a deep breath and inform yourself about parenting, adoption, and abortion. Bethany is there to walk alongside you. 
• Mercy Multiplied: Mercy Multiplied has helped thousands of young women recover from crises and find strength. This is a residential program, so you are surrounded by community and support when you need it most. 

I have no doubt that one of our supporting organizations will be a great fit for your needs as you determine next steps during pregnancy. 

Crisis Pregnancy Support from TheHopeLine

You are already in a kind and caring place if you need someone to talk to about your pregnancy. TheHopeLine offers one-on-one mentoring and other pregnancy support resources. Reaching out is a key first step to getting the help you need. And it may help you feel less overwhelmed to know you have someone in your corner helping you make a plan for your health and your baby’s well-being. 

We are here to help. Talk to a HopeCoach if you’re pregnant and don’t know what to do. We will always be here to listen and offer encouragement without judgment, so you can make good choices for yourself and your baby.

Adoption may or may not be an option you are seriously considering. To help you with your decision read this blog that answers 10 questions expectant mothers ask about adoption.

I Witnessed My Fiancé Shoot Himself

Anna is struggling with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD is a mental health disorder caused by trauma. It’s the pain of reliving the trauma over and over. Anna’s fiancé shot and killed himself in front of her on Thanksgiving, 3 years ago.

Feels Like I’m Never Going to Get Better

Anna says, “I went through a year where my PTSD got so bad, I couldn’t even function. I couldn’t feed myself. I couldn’t dress myself. Let alone, work or go to school. But I’ve been seeking treatment for about a year and a half now. I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m living on my own. I can hold a part-time job and I’m a lot more self-sufficient than I used to be. But I’m just struggling with how much energy, emotional and physical energy it takes for me to get through a normal day because of the PTSD and the symptoms I have. Therapy is helping tremendously, but by the end of the day, it feels hopeless, like I’m never going to get better than where I am now.

Why Did He Do It?

Anna – “He actually had PTSD himself, he was in the Air Force. He struggled with it after his plane was shot down over Afghanistan. He came home, and he was pretty much like I was, not functioning. Every time a plane would fly overhead, like if we would be driving to dinner or what, he would go into a full-blown flashback and I would have to bring him back to the present.”

You’ve Made Amazing Progress

Anna, you’ve made amazing progress! Do you know the Lord? Anna explains that she used to, but she’s lost touch with him because she doesn’t trust him anymore.

I Need Hope that I Can Get Better

Anna says, “How Do I Get My Hope Back and Trust in God?”
If you really want to get well from the inside out, you need to give your life to the Lord. Only he can take you to the next level, and the next, and the next, etc. You don’t want to fight against the great physician. He’s trying to help and he’s really trying to help tonight. Would you be willing to tell God that you are open to making peace with him and coming home? Anna says, “Yes.” Okay, I’m going to give you a prayer to pray:

Dear God,
Every bit of my healing has come from you. I praise you for it! Now, tonight I want to give you my life…all of my struggles, to walk with you day by day.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Peer to Peer Help for Anna:

Madison shares she doesn’t know much about PTSD, but she’s learned she can trust the Lord. Kyle’s a veteran himself, he says with time and God’s help, the wounds heal. Sherri knows what it’s like to lose everything and she says God can give you strength. Here are their responses and others to Anna:

You Can Always Trust the Lord! ~ Madison

Madison – “I don’t know much about PTSD, but I do know about feeling like you can’t trust the Lord and trust His plan. I know it can be hard. You can trust that through the hard times, the parts where you feel like you want to give up. He never leaves your side. The thoughts in your head telling you, “Give up. Stop. You can’t do this anymore.” That’s not him. You can trust that’s not him. He’s telling you go get help. You are doing fine. You can do this. You don’t ever have to doubt him, you can always trust him."

I’m a Veteran Myself and Have Some PTSD! ~ Kyle

Kyle ~“I’m a veteran myself. I served 2 tours in Iraq, as a Marine. So, I have some Post Traumatic Stress from the various combat I was in. Also, my roommate was shot in the chest right next to me. I tried to save him, but it just wasn’t God’s will, so we lost him.

At first, PTSD is very uncontrollable and you have no hope. But as time goes on, the wound does heal, and you eventually can function much more.”

Do you still see your buddy dying there in front of you?

Kyle ~ “I can picture it like it was yesterday if I want to. For a while, I had a bracelet with his name on it. A lot of veterans do that when they lose a buddy. At one point I took that off…some separation from things that trigger memories is good to help you move on.

I had a friend that had a very similar situation. She and her husband had a little baby boy. She came home one day, and her husband did the exact same thing Anna described [of her fiancé]. I don’t think her baby boy was in the room when it happened, but she had a hard time dealing with that at first. Eventually through the Lord and with time, she’s moved on as well.”

I Know What It’s Like to Lose Absolutely Everything ~ Sherri

Sherri ~ “I too have been through a lot in the past 3 years. I know what it’s like to lose absolutely everything. I want to give you hope, Anna. What got me through was trusting the Lord. He’s always there. He’s going to strengthen you through your tough times. One verse that got me through everything was Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”

Get Around Other Christians for Support ~ Michael

Michael – “I lost a few of my close friends through PTSD in high school when they came back from tours. What you can do is keep trusting the Lord. That helped me through it. I too was lost from God for so long, but I always come back. Now, I’m so attached to the Lord, I’m going to church. I’m being active in my church. Being around other Christians and explaining what you are going through…they can be there to give you advice to help you through your time of need.”

God Has Plans to Give You Hope and a Future ~ Julia

Julia – “I’m very sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I wanted to share the verse Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and to give you a hope and a future.” Hang in there. I encourage you Anna to seek a local church, they can be of tremendous help in difficult times.”

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Wow, Anna received some amazing advice and encouragement. She surrendered to the Lord, so there’s going to be some major healing in her life. As Michael said, go to church and get around some people who will support you.

What advice would you give Anna about PTSD?

If you have PTSD and found ways of coping or have any other thoughts or encouragement for Anna. Please share in the comments below!

Resources for help with Post Traumatic Stress:

• Free eBook: Understanding PTSD (Anna mentions in the podcast)
• Blog: PTSD: What Is It and Do I Have It?
• Blog: PTSD and Suffering: Each Person’s Trauma is Different
• Blog: 6 Self-Help Skills for Coping With PTSD
• Need to talk to someone? Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

Abuse always feels like a betrayal, and it is. Someone you’ve trusted, or even cared about, has hurt you deeply.  

Abuse that occurs within a church building or by a trusted spiritual leader can feel especially painful and shocking for many victims. After all, your place of worship and the things you experience there are sacred. It’s no place for cruelty. And the spiritual mentors you trust should protect you. They should not be the ones to violate your relationship.

You are in the right place to find help if you’ve been abused either at church or by someone within your church. I am committed to helping people break free from abuse cycles, and that often begins with coming to grips with what happened. In addition to the abuse itself, this kind of betrayal often leads to spiritual trauma.

Understanding Spiritual Trauma

Spiritual trauma happens when you are hurt by someone in your faith community. If you've experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse from a member or leader within your church or at your place of worship, your trust is likely deeply broken, and you may experience Spiritual trauma or a crisis in faith.  You can also be traumatized if someone within the church uses your religious beliefs or practices against you to cause you pain through control or manipulation.

None of this is right and certainly is not God's desire. My heart goes out to you if you’ve experienced this kind of treatment from someone you once trusted at church. But please don’t despair. Know there is hope, and there are steps you can take to heal.

Knowing the Truth

Abuse often goes hand in hand with deceit. One of the most frustrating things about abuse within a church community is that abusers distort the beautiful truths of faith into something they misuse to hurt us.

But abuse is never your fault. And someone else’s choice to be cruel does nothing to diminish your value, your great qualities, or how much God loves you. You are cared for by many, and you can find hope in God, even after the pain of spiritual trauma.

God is Grieved by Abuse

Often people walk away from the church altogether because of the trauma they experienced there. They may even walk away from God entirely because they can’t understand how something as painful and harmful as abuse could happen at church. 

I know it is tempting to wonder how God could let this happen. But abuse is never part of God’s plan. God never wants abuse to happen inside his Church, and it grieves him deeply to see one of His children cause such pain to another.  

The Church is made up of broken, sinful humans; yes, even hypocrites and people who give themselves over to abusive behavior.  When a Christian, a supposed Christ-follower, misrepresents Jesus in such an awful way, they are taking God’s name in vain, and He knows their terrible error and your deep pain. Abuse is truly a time when Satan is at work, trying to destroy unity between people, and distance them from God.

Leaving the specific church where your abuse occurred is a sensible and safe step. But the Church as a whole is still a place for healing. There are many, many healthy faith communities where you can safely heal and recover. As you seek help during post-abuse recovery, think about what you hope for from a faith community. Ask your friends about their experience, and perhaps attend a service or meeting with them.

Reporting Abuse

Reporting abuse is always an option, even if it’s been a long time since the abuse occurred. You can report your abuse to the police, who will help protect you and ensure your safety. 

Depending on who abused you at your church, you may also choose to report the abuse to other church leadership.

Whatever you decide, there is support to help you report abuse in the safest possible way. It will be painful, but you are not alone at any point. 

Along with our trained HopeCoaches, I can recommend these organizations wholeheartedly as safe places to open up about abuse:

• RAINN
• Focus On The Family
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline

They will help you protect your personal and emotional safety, and they will treat you with kindness and respect.

Putting Safety First

As with any experience of abuse, your safety is your number one priority. Do whatever you can to put distance between yourself and your abuser. That may mean not going to the same church anymore, and that’s okay. You never need to feel ashamed of making decisions that are necessary for your well-being. 

Healing after abuse is a slow process, but there are lots of ways to find extra support and strength. If you’ve experienced abuse at church, you are not alone. TheHopeLine is experienced in helping people through post-abuse recovery. Talk to a HopeCoach for judgment-free support after abuse. We are here to listen, and we believe you are always worthy of acceptance and love.

Statistically, it's not just girls who are being sexually abused..it also happens to guys. Whether you are a girl or a guy there is hope and help to cope with sexual abuse. Find out more here. 

When things get stressful, our phones and computers can seem to offer us an escape from the frustrating and draining things going on around us. But the truth is, constantly being plugged in to our phones and other devices can actually be more stressful.

Our phones can overwhelm us with stressful news updates, and everyone’s anger about them, without giving us any greater sense of calm or control. They also put us at greater risk of developing digital addiction, which can harm our relationships, and make it very difficult to focus on our priorities.

I know it’s easy to get stuck in the loop of scrolling and refreshing. I hope these tips for putting down your phone and living your life will encourage you to unplug and reconnect with the people and places around you.

How to Use Your Phone Less

1. Spend Time Outdoors

Taking a walk around your neighborhood, sitting on your porch, or visiting your favorite park or nature reserve are a great way to feel more grounded and centered. And with natural beauty to contemplate, screen time becomes less tempting and appealing. To avoid reaching for your phone, bring along a book you enjoy, or try some journaling. If you happen to be spending alone time outside to recharge your emotional batteries, nature offers a lovely backdrop for meditation and prayer. I often find that reconnecting with nature reminds me of God’s love for His creation, and His constant presence, no matter what is going on in the world.

2. Create Something

Having a creative outlet is a great, healthy way to get away from the screens. You can learn a lot about yourself and your manner of expression by painting, drawing, coloring, or crafting. If you love music, now is the perfect time to improve at your instrument, to learn a new instrument, or to write that song you’ve been thinking about.

3. Learn a New Recipe

Cooking and baking are very therapeutic for many of us. When you have an evening at home, use it as a chance to bake something new or cook a new recipe instead of spending more time scrolling through your newsfeed. It will give you a sense of accomplishment and you can enjoy the fruits of your labor right away.

4. Volunteer

There are always people in our neighborhood and communities who need help and support. Volunteering is a great way to be active, engaged, and connected without being so dependent on screens and apps for that sense of community. Reach out to organizations you support to see what kind of help they need. There will likely be something you can do that is a good fit for your interests, issues you want to learn more about, or skills you want to develop.

5. Encourage Others

Just like the people you may not know yet who you will meet through volunteering and acts of service, there are people in your life right now who need uplifting and support. There are plenty of ways to encourage others outside of texting or messaging them in an app. Send a card, letter, or care package, drop off a gift in person on their birthday, or simply ask them how they’re doing when you see them. Seemingly small acts of encouragement go a long way toward helping us feel more connected in challenging times.

If you need encouragement, too, we are here to help with online mentoring. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine today for ideas on how to feel more connected to others without being drained by dependence on digital devices. We are ready to listen.

Do you take lots of selfies? Do they define you? Learn how to move beyond selfies to reclaim your identity with these 10 questions. 

Many people still plan to wait to have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend until marriage. But sometimes, those plans fall through. Maybe you felt a strong connection and were convinced they were the only one you would be with. Maybe one of you felt pressured to have sex as a way of being sure you stayed together. Or maybe you just got caught up in the moment.

Whatever the reason for having sex before marriage, if you’ve done something that goes against what you and your partner agreed on, you’re probably dealing with some difficult emotions. I hope that I can offer you some encouragement as you decide how to move forward in your relationship, and how to find support.

You are Not Damaged Goods

The most important thing to remember is that you are not damaged goods if you have sex before marriage. The concept of being “damaged goods” is a harmful one that is rooted in an unhealthy sense of shame. It’s important to take responsibility for your actions, but it’s best to do so in a way that is kind to yourself. Instead of thinking, I can’t believe I did this. I’m such a horrible person. I hate myself, t’s a lot more helpful to think in terms of how you can understand what happened, what you will do differently in the future, and how you and your partner can better support each other in the shared goals you have for your relationship.

God Loves You

God’s love and forgiveness is one of the most comforting things to hold on to during a difficult time, or when thinking through a decision we’re unhappy with. Even if you believe that having sex before marriage is contrary to what your faith teaches, it is important not to lose faith in God. Because he still believes in you. He still loves you, and he still has plans for you to have a full and joyful life.

People Love You

You are loved and cared for by family and friends. Reach out to people you trust when you need someone to talk to during this time of processing and healing. Remember: you do not have to share personal details with every friend or family member. If you feel safe with them, by all means let them know what’s been going on, and what support you need. But if the thought of telling them makes you feel afraid or unsafe, you can protect yourself by only going to people you trust with private details about your life.

You Have Support

If you’re not sure who to talk to, you’ve started in a good place. TheHopeLine has many resources, articles, ebooks, personal stories, blogs, and podcasts that make us a judgment-free place to talk about sex. If you need one-on-one support, we offer email or chat mentoring.

You can talk to a HopeCoach today to find clarity and encouragement during this time, and to brainstorm how to move forward in your dating relationship. We care about you and want you to know that no matter what happens, you are valued and loved.

When you feel a strong attraction, it’s hard to know if what you’re feeling is lust or love, understanding the difference is key to a healthy relationship. Find out more here.

There are a lot of challenges in life that test our friendships, and some seem to bring them to the breaking point. Lying is particularly disruptive and destructive to otherwise strong relationships. After all, we get close to people based on trust. And lying violates that trust, leaving us feeling betrayed.

When Someone Lies to You

When someone lies to me, I'm often left feeling uncertain about how to move forward in the relationship, and about how much I can trust that person again. But over time, I've found there are ways I can turn my mind and actions toward healing. I hope it encourages you to know that it is possible to forgive someone who's been lying to you, and that you can do so while still protecting yourself.

It's Okay to Be Angry

It's important not to bottle up your anger over being lied to, because that will only cause more problems in your relationship, not to mention it can affect relationships where you otherwise wouldn't have any issues.

Acknowledging that you're angry and expressing anger in a healthy way are key to dealing with conflicts that arise due to lying. Start with being honest about how you feel. And, if you want to talk to the person who lied to you about your feelings, you are allowed to give yourself time to process your feelings in private until you are sure you can re-engage with them without blowing up or saying something you might regret.

You Can Forgive and Keep Your Distance

One of the most valuable things I've ever learned about forgiveness is that it's not about forgetting. And it's not about "everything being okay" between you and the person who hurt you. You can forgive the person who lied to you without continuing the relationship if you don't feel comfortable or safe doing so. That's because forgiveness means letting go of the need to take revenge. You can do that letting go as a part of your healing without having to pretend you're okay or ignore something that caused you pain.

Faith Can Help You Forgive

In the midst of something as painful as being lied to by a friend or loved one, you know forgiveness isn't easy. But it is possible. And when you feel like you can't do it on your own, faith can help you forgive. Praying for the person who needs forgiveness helps me to remember I can't heal my own pain, and that God's unconditional love and forgiveness are present, even when I struggle to see or practice them.

You're Not Alone in the Struggle to Forgive

The feeling of betrayal we have when we are lied to is very isolating. But I want to reassure you, you are not alone in your struggle to forgive.

People everywhere are in relationships that feel stressed, strained, broken, and in need of forgiveness. While that's hard to wrap our minds around, it can be comforting to know that others are there to listen, to support us, and to encourage us to look ahead toward more peaceful relationships, and a more hopeful outlook.

If you've been lied to, TheHopeLine is here for you. We offer mentoring to help you navigate the tough, messy challenges that arise in friendships and relationships. Talk to a HopeCoach today about the pain of lying, and the path to healing from it. We believe in you, and we know you can get through this.

Forgiving someone who has hurt you could be the greatest challenge of your life, but also the most freeing and healing. Here are 6 steps on how to forgive.