Fighting Loneliness When You're Sick

Being sick often means you have to isolate yourself. Of course, that’s necessary to keep your illness from spreading and to keep others safe. But it can lead to a troubling, persistent feeling of loneliness.

If you’re feeling lonely during an illness, I know that’s tough. But you can rest assured that there are ways to feel less lonely when you’re sick, and to get some encouragement while you rest and recover.
Here are some things that help me during a challenging bout with sickness. I hope they help to remind you that you’re not alone in how you feel, and that they give you some creative ideas for how to fight loneliness.

How to Feel Less Lonely when You're Sick

1. Video Calling with Family and Friends

Video calling is a great way to see friends and family face to face, and hear their voices, without risking the spread of illness. Depending on how you feel, maybe you can start with one video call every other day. That way you’re still checking in regularly without draining your energy. And you have plenty of time to rest in between.

2. Praying Together

Sometimes illness can be scary, and you may feel like you need spiritual encouragement and support from people who share your faith or worldview. Praying together helps me feel more connected to my loved ones, even when we can’t be in the same room. They remind me of how much God loves me, and that He helps strengthen and heal me in many ways.

3. Getting a Pen-pal

Finding a pen-pal can be a great way to lift your spirits when you’re not feeling well. And it’s a way of feeling more connected that doesn’t rely on screens and devices. Try asking for pen-pals among close friends or see if a friend from social media who you haven’t been in touch with for a while wants to exchange letters, postcards, or emails. It’s a great way to build a friendship, and it always makes me feel better when I get a heartfelt note or letter in the mail.

4. Asking for What You Need

 It is a way of seeking connection, and it will help you feel less lonely and isolated, even though you’re not engaged in your normal routine. Often people will ask if they can help once they know you’re not feeling well. Let people you trust know what you need. And don’t forget to express gratitude for others’ kindness and care.

Sometimes, even when I’m being creative about connecting with others, sickness can seem overwhelming. If your sickness requires long periods of isolation, or has other symptoms that are emotionally draining, you’re not alone. 

Talk to a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine today. We offer mentoring and resources to uplift you when you’re feeling lonely, and to provide emotional healing as your body recovers. We’re here for you, and we hope you feel better soon!

There Is Hope for Uncertainty

There is always going to be a sense of fear and uncertainty about the unknowns in life. But there will be times and seasons of life when our uncertainty is heightened by a difficult experience, or by what’s going on in the world around us.

If you’re feeling uncertain, you don’t have to be ashamed of those feelings. But if uncertainty and fear are overwhelming you and making it difficult for you to live your life and take care of yourself, it’s time for a shift in your mindset.

Here’s what helps me remember that, even when the unknowns seem to be stacking up around me, there’s still light at the end of the tunnel.

How to Find Hope When Life Is Uncertain

I’ve Made It Through Hard Things Before. 

Think back on your life up to this point. Chances are that this time of uncertainty isn’t the first difficult thing you’ve had to face. Yet, you made it through every difficulty you’ve faced to this point.  That means there’s a very good chance you’ll make it through this time, too.

I am Loved by God and Others.

There’s one thing that doesn’t change, no matter how much is changing around us. God loves us no matter what, and He will never abandon us. Does nature remind you of God’s love? If so, spend some time admiring the sunrise one morning. 

If you have a friend whose kindness builds your faith and restores your hope, check-in with them from time to time. Let them know how you’re doing and ask them what steps they’re taking to stay hopeful.

I Can Slow Down

Sometimes, when there’s nothing you can do, or when you’re waiting for the next steps to become clear, you have no choice but to stop for a while. While this doesn’t mean you feel better about everything, this time of slowing down can be a gift.

Use it as an opportunity to ground yourself emotionally by doing things that make you feel at peace, like journaling, taking a walk, reading your favorite book, or meditating. Remember to unplug from the 24-hour news cycle during these quiet times. Constant exposure to stressors from a never-ending newsfeed often fuels and compounds our anxiety.

I Don’t Need to Have All the Answers

Sometimes, I get stuck in feelings of fear and uncertainty because I feel like I should know more or have a better idea of what to do next. But the truth is, none of us needs to have all the answers to move forward during a time of uncertainty. We can focus on what we need to do each day, take time for ourselves, and stay grounded in our faith until we know more about how to proceed.

And we’re never alone. There are always friends, family members, and loved ones we can turn to for help. For extra support, counseling and mentoring are great options.

The good news is you are already in a supportive community. TheHopeLine offers online mentoring and other resources to help you cope with fear and anxiety. Talk to a HopeCoach today about the uncertainty you’re feeling and find the support you need to be more hopeful about the future. We are here to listen, and we’re all in this together. 

Need to boost your mental health? Read my blog that gives 5 simple ways to improve your mood.

Understand Why You're Bullying

Sometimes we realize difficult things about ourselves. If you’ve noticed yourself blowing up at others or lashing out when you’re afraid you won’t get what you want or need, you could be bullying people around you.

While that can be hard to accept, I want to commend you for looking for ways to stop bullying others. There is always hope when we’re committed to understanding how we hurt others and to stopping our harmful behavior. 

Why Is Bullying Harmful?

It’s probably obvious on the surface why bullying is harmful. After all, no one feels good after being treated cruelly by someone else. But even if the people you bully seem to shrug it off, your choices could have a lasting impact that may make it difficult for them to feel safe or find joy in other friendships and relationships.

Bullying is harmful because it creates a pattern of fear. The person fears you and believes you to be in control. The longer the bullying persists, the more difficult it is for that person to break the cycle and get the help they need to heal.

If you’ve found your way here because you want to stop yourself from bullying, I know it’s hard to think about how your choice to bully has hurt others. But you can do your part to break the cycle, too.

Why Are You Bullying?

When I want to stop doing something I’m not happy with, it’s more than just forcing myself to do it (in fact, that’s usually not very effective). I have to think about why I’m making poor choices. When I better understand the root causes of my behavior, I will have a clearer idea of how to change it.

Think back on your life and some of the things you went through growing up. Maybe you were abused by someone close to you.

Or maybe your parents divorced. Trauma like that can definitely make understanding, controlling, and expressing tough emotions like fear and anger difficult without the proper support. 

What Can You Do About It?

There’s good news amidst this challenging work. You can change, and there are people who want to help you make that happen. 

Depending on the circumstances, you may be able to ask for forgiveness from the people you’ve bullied. If they don’t feel safe talking things over with you, or if the bullying happened a long time ago, that doesn’t mean you can’t be forgiven. God’s forgiveness is vast, and He is always willing to listen when you reach out to Him for help during a time of change and struggle.

Since ending bullying behavior often means healing from trauma, it’s a good idea to seek out a counselor or therapist who can help you talk about things in a safe place. 

It may also help to talk to people close to you about the things you’re working on, so they can support you if you need to find ways to care for yourself and express tough emotions that are healthier and more constructive.

Above all, don’t give up. Breaking your patterns of bullying behavior isn’t easy, but it is possible, and your friendships and relationships will get so much healthier because of it. 

If you’re not sure where to start or feeling fearful about reaching out to someone, talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine. We are here to listen and help without judgment, and we are proud of your decision to make kinder choices. 

Are you being bullied? Read this blog on how to recognize bullying and how to get help. 

Being There for Your Loved One With PTSD

Whether you love someone who has been through abuse, suffered some of other trauma, or has served active duty in the military, you already know that helping a loved one deal with PTSD is hard. 

But many couples and families deal with PTSD and are still able to have happy, healthy relationships with one another. If you’re here looking for ways to help, you’re already making a choice that shows your love and care for that person. So, I have no doubt that when you work together, you’ll be able to help and support one another over time.

Here are some things I’ve found helpful for supporting someone with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Remember: It’s Not About Curing Them

Your partner or family member with PTSD does not expect you to cure them or fix their PTSD symptoms. They are making an effort to work through and understand themselves and their illness, and they need your support to do that important work. It’s not something you’ll be able to do for them. 

I know it’s difficult but resist the urge to tell them how to alleviate their symptoms, or to try to prevent anything unpleasant from happening to them. Instead, have realistic expectations for yourself, and let your loved one know you believe in them as they learn, struggle, and grow.

Wait for Them to Open Up

Depending on where you are in your relationship, or how long they’ve lived with you, you may not know what caused your loved one’s PTSD symptoms to develop. That’s okay. They simply need time to become comfortable enough talking about their experiences that doing so does not trigger another PTSD episode. They will share what they are comfortable sharing when they feel physically and emotionally safe doing so.

Give Them Space

Sometimes your loved one with PTSD will need space. They may want to spend time alone, or they may not feel comfortable going to a place you suggest for a date or outing. Giving them space is an act of love and understanding as they take the time they need to recoup from difficult symptoms. 

The space for them is also space for you to take part in vital physical, emotional, and spiritual self-care. You need plenty of time and space to recharge, regroup, and care for your own needs in order to be able to help someone else through their difficulties. 

That includes things like eating healthy meals, getting regular exercise, and keeping up with your spiritual practice. Spending time in prayer and meditation helps me remember that I am not alone in my struggles, and neither is my loved one. God loves us both, and he will not abandon us in our efforts to love one another.

Get Help When You Need It

There will be times when helping a loved one with PTSD becomes overwhelming, even when you are allowing plenty of time and space for healing. It’s good to reach out for help and support when you need it, and you can find it here.

TheHopeLine offers mentoring for anyone looking for help with tough life issues, including relationships impacted by PTSD. Talk to a mentor today to find encouragement and support as you walk with your loved one with PTSD on their healing journey. We are here for you.  

David lived in fear of abuse from his mom's boyfriend. Read his story of how he found the hope to deal with anxiety and PTSD from a HopeCoach.

Finding the Right Church Is a Huge First Step

If you are a new believer, knowing how to find the right church is an essential step toward strengthening your faith and keeping it strong. But there are a lot of churches to choose from; how do you know where to go?

I have some suggestions for finding the right church that I hope will help you along the way and encourage you in your faith. 

Start with the Church's Core Beliefs

While many churches share a common set of beliefs about God, there are often differences in how those beliefs are expressed. So, the first step I would recommend is doing some research of churches in your area to make sure their core beliefs include:

• The entire Bible is 100% true & trustworthy. Nothing is taken away from it. 
• God is a Triune God - God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
• We are all sinners, and our salvation can only be found in Jesus Christ.

These core beliefs are crucial.
Now it's time to visit some churches and find one that fits you. Do you like large or small churches? What worship style do you like?  What kind of preaching do you like? Don't be overwhelmed, there is a church out there for you. Have fun visiting different places and exploring your options.

Consider Worship Style

Worship styles might vary greatly across different faith traditions. Some congregations have very contemplative, traditional worship that is rooted in Church history. Others focus on spiritual gifts. And others take a modern, contemporary approach to praise and worship. If you’re new to the faith, it may take you a while to find a church where you feel comfortable. That’s okay.

Take the time to allow yourself to worship in whatever way you are able. Doing so can strengthen your faith, and help you get a clearer sense of your impression of each church.

Spend Time in Prayer

We can never forget about prayer when we are making any major decision in life, including where we want to go to church. Pray for wisdom, discernment, and understanding regarding your decision. You may not know right away where you best fit when it comes to your faith community, but God will be with you every step of the way.

Check with Friends

If you have friends who attend church, ask them what they like about their church, their worship services, and their community. Learn about the ministries their churches have. Does their church offer support that could encourage you in a tough time, or help you through a difficult struggle? If so, go with them for a visit. Ask them to introduce you to friends or leaders they trust to guide and encourage them in their faith. You may find you make strong connections there. And no matter what, you will have more people praying for and supporting you.

Ask for Advice

One of the hardest things for many of us when we decide to commit our lives to God is the fear of losing many of the social activities and connections we once had. A local church is a great place to find new connections. 

If you need additional support as you begin this new faith journey, TheHopeLine offers mentoring for a variety of challenges, including strengthening and bolstering your faith.

Talk to a HopeCoach today if you have questions about your faith, finding the right church, or understanding God’s purpose for your life. We are here for you, and you have our support, no matter where you are in your faith journey.

If you are starting on a journey of finding a church home, be confident of this truth…There’s a church for you! A great place to start finding a Christian church in your community is ChurchFinder. 

Being There for Friends Even if it's Draining

I love being there for people I care about, but sometimes I notice that a friendship leaves me feeling drained. At times, I’ve even felt frustration in a relationship, without knowing exactly why.

If this sounds familiar, you may need stronger boundaries. Here are some things I focus my efforts on to keep from feeling drained or irritated by close relationships.

Honesty About Your Feelings

If it’s a close friend or romantic partner who’s making us feel drained, it can be tempting to dismiss our feelings. You may even find yourself feeling guilt or shame when you feel frustrated about how much your friend calls, texts, and leans on you during a hard time.

But honesty about your feelings is an important step in facing them and getting to the other side of the discomfort in this relationship.

Be honest about when you feel drained. 

• Is it after a long conversation? 
• Is it when they call at a certain time? 
• Does it have something to do with what they talk about when they call, or how much they focus on a certain problem? 

Knowing what is troubling you makes it easier to discuss, to set boundaries around, and to heal from as you move forward.

Finding Greater Balance

When trying to talk about and set boundaries in a draining relationship, I try to think of things in terms of finding balance. 
Your friendship or relationship is likely to be draining if you feel like your friend is doing all the talking, all the planning, or all the asking for favors. Or maybe you feel like you’re doing all the talking, and planning all the outings, because your friend never seems to offer any thoughts, any input, or any feedback on what you have to say.

Here are some ways to find greater balance in a relationship or friendship:

• Let your friend know you have things you’d like to talk about, and how much it would help you if they listened and/or offered their advice. 
• If you’re not ready for advice, that’s okay. Just let them know that the biggest thing they can do to help is offer a listening ear.  
• If you’re tired of planning things to do, ask them to plan your next outing. 
• If you’re tired of them doing all the planning, offer your suggestions for what to do next.
• If they call or text you all the time, you don’t have to call them right back or answer their texts right away. Call or text back only if you feel like you have the energy to do so.

Saying No

Saying no is not being mean, especially if you do so in a kind and considerate way. You may be feeling drained because you say yes to everything your friend or partner asks you to do, even if you’re already running low on time, energy, or focus. There is nothing wrong with asking for a rain check, or saying “Sorry, can’t make it tonight, can we get together another time?”

Listen to my call with Rachel who can't say "no" to people, especially guys. She feels saying "no" makes her mean.

You can also say no if you find their problem overwhelming or are certain it’s something you can’t handle. Again, you don’t have to turn them down flat. Try saying something like “Sorry, I don’t know how to help. This isn’t a problem I can solve. But I would still like to get together with you soon to spend some time with you.”

Even small steps like these can make a big difference when setting boundaries in a draining relationship.

Taking Time for Yourself

Alone time is one of the most valuable gifts we can give ourselves, especially when we feel drained by others. We can ground ourselves emotionally and spiritually. We can reconnect with God through prayer time, or with the beauty of nature through a walk outside. Or we can curl up with our favorite book at the end of a long day. 

None of this means we don’t care about people in our lives. In fact, taking time for yourself may help you gain energy and perspective so you can support your loved one in a way that makes you feel more comfortable.

I know boundaries can be tough to set and stick to. Thankfully, you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you need help with healthy boundaries in a friendship or relationship. We are here for you, and we believe things will work out for the best.

Knowing when to leave unhealthy relationships can be hard. It comes down to self-care. Should you stay or leave? Find out here.

Don't Let Distance Disrupt Emotional Wellness

When we are going through a rough time, not being able to be with people we love can make things feel even more difficult. Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship, spending time apart while one of you recovers from an illness or spending time away from one another for work or school, leaning on others is still possible for emotional wellness.

I hope these ideas for giving and getting support from afar lead to a greater sense of peace and emotional wellness during this difficult time. 

Exchanging Cards and Letters

Writing a card or letter seems like a lost art, but it doesn’t have to be. You can be Pen pals with loved ones if you must remain apart for a while. You could ask one another fun questions, update each other on your thoughts and feelings, write words of encouragement, or send special cards for important days and anniversaries.

Making Phone Calls 

Sometimes, it helps me feel so much better just hearing someone’s voice. When you’re missing someone who’s far away, it’s time to pick up the phone. Text messages are okay for brief hellos and check-ins. But it’s important to make time to talk for a deep dive. Schedule regular phone calls with one another to check in, so you can lift each other up.

Starting a Book or Movie Club 

It’s good to remember that, even though we may not be able to be near people we love, we can still have fun together. If you need ideas, try starting a book or movie club together. Read a book you’ve been wanting to tackle together and share your thoughts on a call. Or watch your favorite movies and shows on a streaming service at the same time, then discuss it. You might learn something new about someone you’ve known for years just by exploring things you enjoy together.

Praying Together

We all need spiritual encouragement throughout the ups and downs of life. Asking someone to pray for you can help bolster your faith. Praying for your friends and loved ones can be a great reminder of how grateful you are for them. People we love are wonderful reminders of God’s love, and His love doesn’t go away when we have to spend time apart. 

Getting Support by Video

I really enjoy video calling when I have to be apart from friends and family who support me. Video calls give you the reassurance of hearing their voice, and the added joy of seeing their face. You can do video calls easily with your phone or computer, and there are plenty of free options you can use that still have great video quality.

Sometimes the strain of being apart can drain us, even when we are turning to one another for help. In those times, there is still hope. TheHopeLine offers online mentoring via chat and email to help with the loneliness that comes from having to remain apart. Talk to a HopeCoach today about how you’re feeling, who you’re leaning on for support, how you can encourage them, and what you can do to lessen some of the feelings of isolation. We are here for you, and we can get through this together. 

Do You Have Situational Depression?

Sometimes, struggles with mental health are not specific to things we are going through. We might feel a sense of depression even when our lives are full of good things. Or we might feel anxious, even when things are relatively peaceful.

But other times, we go through something so painful and difficult that it disrupts our lives and takes a toll on our mental well-being in a way we haven’t experienced before. 

Situational depression is something many people struggle with. I want to share some of the signs and symptoms of situational depression with you, so you can feel more comfortable talking about what you’re experiencing with people in your life who can help.

1.  A Traumatic or Painful Event

As the name suggests, situational depression is brought on by a traumatic, painful, and emotionally trying situation you’ve had to face. You might not experience symptoms of depression during or right after the event. It might take much longer for your mind and body to process them. Examples of life events that bring on situational depression include:

• Losing a loved one
• Work or school stress
• Distressing world events 
• Divorce or relationship problems
• Abusive or toxic relationships

If you can trace the source of your depression symptoms and what causes them to sharpen or worsen back to something you’ve been through, you may have situational depression

2. Disruptive Symptoms

Situational depression is more than just feeling down when something bad happens. Ask yourself if symptoms like these are disrupting your life and making it more difficult to do important things like work, schoolwork, or paying bills on time:

• Difficulty focusing
• Crying spells
• Fatigue
• Irritability 
• Constant worry or sadness
• Disinterest in things, people, and activities you love
• Thinking about suicide or harming yourself

3. Losing Faith and Hope

Feeling hopeless or losing faith are often part of struggles with mental health, but they can be especially intense when dealing with the painful or traumatic event behind your situational depression. I’ve been in seasons of life before where my feelings of faithlessness were very strong. 

But it comforts me to know that God loves me, even during those times when I don’t feel close to Him. He has brought me through everything I’ve been through so far, and still given me the strength to love others. Thankfully our feelings, even though they can be very strong, don’t prevent God’s love, and the love of others, from reaching us while we deal with situational depression. 

4. Feeling Like No One Understands

Many people I’ve heard from over the years say that one of the hardest things about going through situational depression is the feeling that they’re all alone in what they are experiencing, and that no one understands what they’re going through. You might feel this way if you go through something none of your family or friends have experienced yet, or if you’re unsure how to talk to someone about your depression symptoms.

But let me reassure you, even if your situation is unique, there are many people who have experienced situational depression, and who understand the feelings that you’re having. And there are many people who can help you get through this time, even if they are not going through the exact same thing. 

You may talk to a counselor, or a faith leader, or a close friend or family member about some of your feelings to start with. If you feel like nothing, you’re doing is helping your situational depression, don’t despair. TheHopeLine can help with lots of resources and online mentoring. Talk to a Hope Coach today about your situational depression symptoms. Let them encourage you and help you make a plan to get through it to a place of greater peace and healing.

Depression is a common illness that we often hear about, yet ironically usually have difficulty recognizing, particularly in ourselves. To find out more about depression read this guest blog from our partners at Centerstone.

Discerning if You Should Stay in or Leave a Relationship

Unhealthy relationships can be draining, painful, and frustrating. If you find that a relationship with someone you’re dating, someone you live with, or a friend has become a toxic relationship, it is normal to ask tough questions about whether you should go your own way.

I find it best to consider distancing myself from relationships that I find harmful to my health or threatening to my safety. When deciding how to move forward with a difficult relationship, think about it and how it is changing you.

How to Know You Should Leave an Unstable Relationship

Do You Feel Unsafe?

Your safety should be a top priority. If you feel physically threatened, have experienced abuse of any kind, or are worried that someone will become abusive, take action as soon as you can. 

There are many abuse support groups, prevention organizations, and abuse hotlines that are available around the clock to listen, offer advice, and help you make a plan for greater physical and emotional safety.

Remember: abuse tends to happen in a cycle. If you have ever been abused in family relationships, or are in a dating relationship where your partner has tried to control you, the problem is likely to repeat itself. Having the courage to reach out to someone trained to help you will allow you to break free of this dangerous cycle much sooner.

Do You Feel Small?

There are few things more upsetting than when someone makes you feel small. I’ve seen how some people demean others to make themselves feel better, or to appear more popular and powerful. If you’re being treated this way, there is no reason to continue in a friendship or relationship where bullying is the norm.

Are They Willing to Make an Effort?

Not all relationships with an unhealthy pattern have to end. In some cases, you may feel uncomfortable or frustrated, but still feel safe enough with that person to talk about it. Working through relationships can be rewarding if both people involved are willing to make an effort to listen, learn, and respect one another.

If you’ve never brought up what bothers you about a relationship, try communicating your feelings and needs to your friend, partner, or family member. It may be that they were unaware their behavior was upsetting you. Clear communication often opens the door for stronger relationships. 

What Should You Do?

Every relationship is different, but you should prioritize your wellbeing and safety when deciding whether to leave an unhealthy relationship. This commitment is an important step in greater mental health and better self-care. 

Sometimes you need time alone to center yourself and get to the bottom of your true feelings about a challenging relationship. If you feel conflicted about whether leaving a relationship is the right decision, seeking answers in your faith may help.

Whatever decisions you make, remember God cares about you and His plans for you are hopeful ones.
If you’ve tried to talk things through and feel like you’re hitting a wall, I know how frustrating that can be. The good news is you don’t have to go through this alone. 

Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you’re having difficulty working through relationships or planning for your safety. We are here for you and we believe you can find happiness in your friendships and relationships.

If relationships are not building you up, it is worth finding new relationships. Watch this video from a licensed counselor helping you with the fears of ending a toxic relationship.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline