Dealing With a Cheating Girlfriend or Boyfriend

When the person you’re with has cheated, it does tremendous harm to a dating relationship. But if your girlfriend or boyfriend is cheating, you don’t have to deal with this painful challenge alone. There is support, there is help. And there is hope for healing.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this painful reality. I hope these suggestions can help you find the support and encouragement you need to heal your heart.

Acknowledge the Truth

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating, it can be easy to slip into denial. It’s hard to believe something so upsetting can happen, and that someone you care about so much could be the means of such heartbreak.

Create Space for Your Healing

But acknowledging the truth of the matter is an important step to understanding your feelings, expressing those emotions, and finding the help you need. The truth will be painful, but affirming the truth is an important step in grieving a broken relationship and beginning to heal from that grief.

I know from years of helping people through relationship challenges that the days after cheating is uncovered can be complicated and confusing. You will likely feel easily overwhelmed by the variety of emotions you’re feeling.

Giving yourself space to heal can help. Making room for alone time, turning down social invitations if you feel tired or stressed, and declining to answer your partner’s calls or messages are all acceptable ways to set boundaries while you sort through the very painful emotions you feel after being cheated on. 

You will need to make important decisions about ending a relationship that has meant a lot to you. You will need time and space to think things over and allow yourself to feel your feelings. I know you want to get the pain over with, but you don’t have to rush through it or feel pressured to make a decision before you feel more confident and emotionally safe.

Nurture Yourself Spiritually

There is nothing anyone can say or do to make things better when you learn someone you love has been cheating on you. In times where nothing else can comfort you, remembering God heals broken hearts may give you a glimmer of hope on the harder days. 

I know that you can feel like you’ve lost faith when something as heartbreaking as cheating happens. You don’t have to feel great about your faith, or feel confident about your spiritual life, in order to find comfort from God and the people he has placed in your life to pray for you and encourage you.

Ask for Help

Dealing with the aftermath of cheating can be overwhelming and isolating. It may seem like your friends either don’t know what to say, or are always saying the wrong thing. And it’s natural to feel like no one understands. 

But you’re not alone. Many people have had to face the harsh reality of cheating in their relationships. And many of those people have since moved forward, found peace, and have built safe, meaningful relationships with new friends or significant others. 

You can find support after cheating in a number of places. A counselor or mentor, a faith leader, or a support group can all be good resources. It’s important that, in addition to talking to friends and family, you reach out to people who are trained to help people sort through the difficult emotions you’ll face when recovering after cheating. 

TheHopeLine is here for you, too. Reach out to a HopeCoach if you don’t know who to talk to after you’ve learned your loved one has cheated. We can help you find additional support, work through your difficult feelings, and find greater hope to heal. We are in your corner, and we will be here to help when you need us.

Do you have a feeling that your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you? Want to know if it's true? Here are 15 ways to find out if you are being cheated on.

Making the Right Moves when Starting to Date

When you feel drawn to someone, it can be difficult to know how to show interest in dating them. Depending on your personality, you may feel shy, nervous, or worried you’re coming on too strong. Or maybe you haven’t had great dating experiences, and you want to get things right this time around.

I know how challenging this can feel, but the good news is there are some simple ways to show interest in dating someone, and there’s always extra help and support when you need it.

How to Tell Someone You Want to Date

1. Being Present 

Of course, being present is only going to help strengthen any friendship and relationship, but it can also be a good way to show interest in someone you’d consider dating.
When you’re with the person you’re interested in, remove or quiet sounds and technology that would otherwise distract you. Ask them questions about their life, listen thoughtfully, and allow them time to talk about what interests them. 

2. Body Language

Not everyone is comfortable with physical touch, even when it is not flirtatious. But you can still show interest in someone while respecting their personal space.
That might mean sitting near someone in a group setting, making eye contact during a conversation, or smiling at someone to reassure them.

3. Clear Communication

I’ve talked to a lot of people who are frustrated with how dating seems to work for others, but not for them. Sometimes this may be because two personalities just don’t click.
But I think it’s often because too much focus is placed on what we think we notice, what we think the other person feels about us, and how interested we think the other person is. It can feel more like a game or a test than getting to know someone, and it’s not hard to see why that can be frustrating for so many people.
The antidote to this problem is to be clear about your interest in someone by letting them know. Of course, you don’t have to tell someone everything you’re feeling right away (and that would probably feel very uncomfortable). But there’s nothing wrong with saying things like:

• I enjoyed our conversation the other day. I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to have coffee? 
• It seems like we have a lot in common, and I really enjoy talking to you. Can we stay in touch? 
• I really hope your job interview goes well. Will you let me know how it went?

These are all great ways to start out. If you’ve spent quite a bit of time with someone as a friend, and are wondering if there’s romantic potential, finding the courage to discuss that will take all the guesswork out of the relationship. Plus, it won’t be such a drain on your energy.
There’s no single, perfect way to go about this, but I’ve seen a few things work well:

• Ask if they would like to go to a party, school function, or work event together.
• Let them know you’ve enjoyed getting to know them and ask them how they would feel about going out to dinner, a movie, or coffee. 
• When they have a special celebration (a promotion, great results on an exam, a birthday, etc.), you can suggest doing something together to celebrate.

Starting with a group date might be easier than a one-on-one, especially if you have mutual friends who are in a happy relationship. And don’t worry, there are plenty of things you can do together that won’t break the bank (like coffee, a picnic, or a trip to the museum).
I want to encourage you to take your time and ask for help and guidance when you need it. Dating relationships don’t happen overnight. If your faith is a big part of your life, it’s a great idea to pray for confidence and clarity when dating. God helps us find wisdom amidst some pretty confusing and challenging situations.

When you feel a strong attraction, it’s hard to know if what you’re feeling is lust or love, understanding the difference is key find out more here.

Improving Your Reputation

Improving your reputation is a difficult process, but it’s not impossible. Building a good reputation comes down to acting honorably. When you make the right choices for the right reasons, your reputation will improve. But it doesn’t happen overnight.

Building a solid reputation means deciding to make good choices day in and day out and doing the best you can to bounce back after a setback. It’s hard work, and there’s nothing wrong with seeking support. 

Life’s hardships, and the choices we make, sometimes affect how others see us and how well we are able to connect with people. I know it hurts to feel like you have a bad reputation. But I hope you feel encouraged that there are things you can do.

You are not powerless, and you’re not alone. With dedication and support, you can rebuild a good reputation over time.

I’ve noticed that the path to a better reputation is a combination of choices and changes that work together to improve our relationships.

Here are some things that may help you along the way.

Making New Friends

The burden of changing your reputation is often tied to the feeling that people in your life see you in terms of your poor choices or struggles. And you may need to distance yourself from people in your life with whom you find yourself making choices you regret later. Making new friends can give you a fresh start, which can keep you energized and uplifted as you work to rebuild your reputation.

You can try reaching out to a classmate, someone in your faith community, or an acquaintance you’ve never really gotten to know. They can get to know you s the person you are trying to become and can support you as you grow.

Changing Your Environment

Just as your reputation is formed over time, it is changed over time by developing healthier habits. Your environment is a great place to start. Often the places you spend time influence your choices, and not all of them have a good impact. Are you spending time in places that will continue to harm your reputation? If so, it’s time for a change of scenery. Instead of a bar, club, or house party, spend time outdoors, at a library, or at a museum. Instead of going out every night, find a craft, hobby, or game you can play at home or with friends. 

Unplugging

In the age of social media, we’ve given more people than ever more ways than ever to immediately weigh in on our opinions, our life choices, and our image. Taking a break from social media or limiting the social media platforms you use is not only calming, but it can also help you keep a clear head as you’re working on building a better reputation.

Unplugging can also give you more time and space to center yourself spiritually in prayer and meditation and reconnect to your faith. In times when I’m struggling with my self-esteem while working on my reputation, going offline for a while gives me a chance to remind myself how God sees me. We are all loved, and we can all receive grace and forgiveness, no matter what we did in the past. 

Getting Advice

Taking these steps can definitely improve your reputation for the better. But because the reasons for poor reputation are often tied to our decisions, there are likely other steps you need to take that are specific to you.

Getting advice from someone who is trained to help, like a therapist or counselor, will help you have a plan, as well as someone you can trust who holds you accountable.

If you’re not sure where to start, TheHopeLine is here to assist with mentoring and resources for life’s challenges. Talk to a HopeCoach about your reputation and learn how you can work on turning things around. We are here for you and ready to listen.

It can feel hard to navigate life if you feel like people don't respect you. Read my blog to find out how to respond to people who disrespect you. 

Understanding if You're Being Manipulated in a Relationship

If you feel like the pressure’s on in your relationship with a parent, friend, or partner, you may be getting manipulated. Manipulation is a painful, confusing process, but you can break the cycle and find more freedom in your relationships.

With a clearer understanding of what manipulation looks and feels like and how a manipulator operates, it can be easier to avoid being taken advantage of and see the path forward.

What Does Manipulation Feel Like?

I’ve talked with a lot of people about manipulation over the years, and while it feels different based on the relationship you have with the person trying to manipulate you, a manipulator generally makes someone feel:

• Like there are strings attached: When people are treated well by the person manipulating them, they’re often left feeling like they are obligated or expected to do something in return.
• Fearful: People may be afraid for their safety around the person manipulating them. Or they may just feel a sense of dread when that person contacts them, fearing that they once again will be asked to do something they don’t want to do. 
• Guilty: Guilt trips are one of the key strategies of a manipulative person.
• Not only will they make you feel like you have to do things for them, but they’ll also make you feel bad if you say no.
• Gaslighted: Gaslighting happens when people try to convince you that something you are really experiencing is “all in your head”. Manipulation and gaslighting go hand in hand because manipulators make it hard for us to trust our own instincts and judgment.

If these feelings dominate your relationship with your boyfriend, girlfriend, close friend, or parents, there may be manipulation at play.

Why Are People Manipulative?

People manipulate others sometimes for control, sometimes for power, and sometimes because their own emotional issues are unresolved.

For example, a person who is afraid or uncomfortable asking for what they want directly often resorts to manipulation as a way to get what they want in a way that they believe to be less scary or less harmful to the relationship. Of course, the truth is, they’re causing harm to the relationship by not being upfront about their needs.

Sometimes manipulation is just a bad habit (thanks to unhealthy boundaries) that needs to be talked through.

But talking about it may not be an option for you, depending on how safe you feel with that person. If there is cruelty mixed in with the manipulation you experience, be on your guard for other signs of abusive relationships.

How Can I Make Manipulation Stop?

If you feel safe enough around the person manipulating you to continue working on the relationship, there are a few things you can do to find freedom from their manipulative tactics.

• Don’t respond right away. Manipulators can often make you feel like you have to respond to their requests immediately. Wait it out, and you may find that they move on or find another solution.
• Say no when you don’t want to (or aren’t able to) step in. You may get pushback from this, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Simply saying “Sorry, I can’t make it today. I hope things work out for the best,” is a good way to be clear but kind.
• Remember the truth of the matter: A manipulative person strives to make you feel like you are the only one who can help them. But they have other options. Realizing that they are responsible for their own feelings and actions can be one of the most powerful ways to distance yourself from a manipulative person.

Sometimes the nature of our relationship with a manipulative person makes it hard to know exactly how to keep our distance. In those times, I have to anchor myself in faith, even when I struggle to believe God can help me through tough times in a relationship, it’s often helpful for me to pray and meditate on the best ways to move forward for my emotional and spiritual well-being.

Even when you know how to break free from the cycle of manipulation, it can be hard to realize it. If you need extra support, we’re here for you. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you need extra help healing after painful relationship struggles. We are here for you, and there is always hope.

Are you feeling stressed or strained whenever you’re around someone you care about? You could be in an unhealthy relationship. Find out here. 

Gaining Respect in Relationships

It can feel hard to navigate life and its challenges if you feel disrespected. Sometimes, people come to me for relationship help with a tough question: Is there anything I can do if people don’t respect me? 

People respect you when you act with kindness, integrity, and honesty. But it’s a process, and it can take time. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming, especially when we are grappling with past choices, we’re not proud of.

There are steps you can take, but what you do depends on the reason you are being treated with disrespect. Different situations call for different responses. Let’s look at a few of the most common.

Disrespect and Poor Reputation

You might be disrespected because of the choices that you’ve made in the past or situations you’ve been in that damaged your reputation. A poor reputation and disrespect often go hand in hand. People we hurt by our choices sometimes feel that we need to earn their trust or respect again. 

If this is the case, it is valuable to let them know you want to work on the relationship and make whatever efforts you’re able to support them and share quality time. 

Be careful not to get caught in a cycle of guilt and shame when working through respect issues connected to improving your reputation. 

Everyone makes mistakes and everyone goes through a period of feeling bad about their choices. But it’s important to remember that God sees us in a kind and compassionate way. You are loved and forgiven by God for your past mistakes, and He can strengthen you as your relationships heal and recover.

Disrespect and Bullying

Sometimes the disrespect you’re getting has absolutely nothing to do with your mistakes or poor choices.
If you’re being bullied by someone who is disrespectful to you, let someone you trust know what is happening. Make a plan to distance yourself from the bully and get extra support from people trained to help you heal from bullying.

Disrespect and Toxic Relationships

If the person disrespecting you is in a close relationship with you, pay attention to how and when it happens. Did it only happen once when they got angry? If so, you should let them know why you were hurt and how they can show you greater respect in the future.

But if it’s a pattern, and they don’t seem to be responding to your needs, it may have developed into a toxic relationship. If that’s the case, you may need to dig deeper with someone who can help you work through this relationship. 

Support to Feel More Respected

Who can help? There are lots of options when it comes to finding special support to feel more respected. 

A therapist or counselor can help you dig deep and deal with the emotions behind the struggle for greater respect. A faith leader can give you spiritual encouragement. And here at TheHopeLine, we offer chat and email mentoring to help with respect and reputation. 

Talk to a HopeCoach today to learn why you feel disrespected, and what you can do to turn things around. I have no doubt that you will learn and grow along the way. We are here to listen and support you, and we will treat you with respect.

Maybe you've made some bad choices and the gossipers are now using them against you. Read my blog on how to rebuild a bad reputation.

Finding Joy After a Breakup

I know it can be difficult to pick up the pieces after a heartbreak. Depending on what happened, when, and how sudden or unexpected it was, you may feel like it’s impossible to be happy again after having your heartbroken. But being happy is possible. Here are some of the steps I’ve taken to rediscover happiness and start healing from heartbreak.

Accept What Happened

One of the biggest obstacles to healing happens when we either ignore the fact that we’ve been hurt, refuse to acknowledge it, or pretend like everything is fine. However, we go about it, as long as we avoid acceptance, we avoid real recovery, too.
You can tell you’re moving toward acceptance if: 

• You know you’ve been hurt, and you can express that hurt to someone you trust.
• You understand that the situation that broke your heart will have a lasting impact on you.
• You know that it is going to take a while for things to normalize and balance out again.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to be okay with heartbreak. It simply means you are allowing yourself to face it so you can find peace and healing.

Think Things Through

When I’m right in the middle of a heartbreak, it’s hard to think things through. But once I give myself time to consider my life as a whole, I realize some important things.

• I’ve been through heartbreak before and lived to talk about it.
• I’ve found happiness again after heartbreaking situations in my past.
• I’ve learned more about myself and my inner strength as a result of what I’ve been through.
• God did not abandon me, even when I felt I was at my lowest point.
  

When you have some alone time to process your heartbreak, or when you’re talking things over with a person you trust, you may be pleasantly surprised at just how strong you are and just how much happiness you’ve been able to find in the midst of life’s challenges.

Start Small

One of the best things about moving forward is, even if it only happens a little bit at a time, it still happens. You can start small when it comes to healing after heartbreak, and it will still make a big difference in the long run.

Try taking a few minutes a day to think or write about things, people, and places you love. That small shift to focusing on something positive will make the happy parts of your life easier to recall the more often you think about them.

Spend time with a friend. Friends are one of life’s greatest joys, and your friends want to be there for you when you’re going through a hard time. Invite a friend to coffee or a movie, ask them about their lives, their hopes, and their dreams. It will strengthen your friendship, and it may be key to helping you feel happier sooner.

If you feel like you’ve tried everything and are still unhappy, don’t give up. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine and get extra support recovering from heartbreak. We’re here for you, and we believe you’ll find happiness again.

Can't eat or sleep because of a broken heart? Put the hurt behind you with these 5 ways to move forward from a broken heart to healing.

Combating Hopelessness

Feeling hopeless is natural if you are going through pain or struggle. But there is always hope, and there are things you can do when you’re feeling hopeless that may lift your spirits. Here are some simple steps I take to ensure I hold on to my sense of hope during a trying time. 

Find Simple Pleasures

Reconnecting with simple pleasures is a great way to feel more hopeful in the present moment. Reading a book with a story of hope, listening to an uplifting song, or eating your favorite nourishing meal can all bring comfort. When I am doing something that brings me comfort, it can help me have a brighter outlook, one day at a time. Lately, I have found that stepping outside into my backyard or driveway to get some fresh air is a simple ritual I can still look forward to during these uncertain days.

Search for Good News

Even though there is plenty of frightening news in the world, there’s also plenty of good news. People all over are stepping up to help one another: friends, neighbors, and strangers. If you want to feel hopeful, spend a bit of time each day searching for stories of good news to bolster you. Remember that there are always people working to help, working to build people up, and working to restore our hope.

Lean on Faith and Prayer

Leaning on faith and prayer is helpful anytime, but especially when I’m feeling hopeless. The Psalms are full of proof that we can cry out to God, no matter how we are feeling, and that God always cares about our hearts. If you don’t know what to say when you pray, try reading a psalm out loud that reflects how you feel. I have faith that you will feel a greater sense of hope and peace when you turn to faith during this difficult time.

Seek Encouragement

One of the most effective ways my hope is restored is when I talk with people whose outlook encourages me. Whether it’s family, friends, or someone I work with, there are many people in my life who inspire me to be hopeful on a regular basis.

When it feels like things are hopeless, reach out for help. Call a friend or family member.

Do a video chat so you can see them face to face. Ask what’s going on with them, how you can be there for them, and what they’re doing to stay hopeful. You’ll likely learn a lot and bring a smile to someone’s face along the way.

If you’ve tried everything and still feel hopeless, don’t despair. TheHopeLine can help. Talk to a Hope Coach today about what you can do to feel more hopeful, and simple steps you can take to lift your spirits. 

Our HopeCoaches offer email and chat mentoring so you can find support while you stay safe at home. We are here for you, and we will get through this together. 

Are you struggling with loneliness? You are not alone. Read my blog with ways to make the loneliness go away. 

Finding Patience in Losing Control

In life, there are problems, challenges, and consequences that can happen as a result of my own unwise choices or poor judgments. But there are also many situations, big and small, that are beyond my control. That can feel overwhelming and frustrating, because I want to change what’s happening, and I may even feel like I know how to fix it, but there’s still nothing I can do.

With all the sweeping changes happening in the world, you’re probably feeling a lot of emotions. If anger is one of them, you are not alone. It is natural to feel angry when any situation you want to change is outside of your control, and I imagine it is even more frustrating when the problem you can’t control is so widespread, and the consequences so far-reaching.

In an effort to encourage you, I’d like to share some practical tips for anger management during circumstances beyond your control. I hope you find them helpful, and that you’re able to experience greater peace amidst all this uncertainty.

Understand the Source of Anger

Paying attention to when or why we get angry is key to anger management. Does it happen after you watch the news? Do you get angrier as you scroll through social media? Take a moment to think about when you get angry, and what makes you angriest. Then you can make an effective plan to manage this emotion.

Distance and Unplugging

Putting as much distance as you’re able between yourself and what triggers your anger is a good next step. This could mean getting your news from a different source, or only checking news updates once a day. For many, “unplugging” from technology and stepping away from our devices has many benefits, including improved anger management and reduced risk of digital addiction. 

Being intentional by setting down your device to read a book, watch a movie, or get some extra rest is a great way to feel calmer without completely disconnecting.

Spiritual Centering

Paying extra attention to your spiritual practice during challenging times of uncertainty is important for both self-care and anger management. It always helps me to know that God loves me no matter how I feel, including when I am angry. It is okay to express your anger to God. He is always there to listen, and you may find you experience his comfort in unexpected ways when you leave time in your day for stillness.

Reach Out for Help

Even with the best anger management tools and ideas available, we can’t always manage our anger as well as we’d like. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by anger and frustration, you don’t have to face those feelings alone. TheHopeLine is here to help. Talk to a Hope Coach today about why you’re feeling angry. We’ll do whatever we can to listen, encourage you, and help you be more in control of your emotions.

Are you mad at God, right now? Read about what to do when you're mad at God to find out why.

 

A New Believer and Relationships

Glory gave her life to Christ about a year ago and expresses that new life was breathed into her. She feels much less burdened now, as she’s able to give it all over to God and she’s confident He will take care of her. It did take her longer than she thought it would to give up her bad friendships and relationships. She shares, “It’s been difficult since there are some things you have to avoid in order to follow the commandments of God and obey Him. It gets lonely along the way, especially in the relationship area and sexual temptation. Just recently, I started talking to somebody and I had a feeling that if I keep talking to him it’s going to lead me back to the ways I have already left.”

As you’ve probably figured out, Glory is talking about sex. She wants to abstain from sex until she is married which also means setting boundaries and not getting physically intimate with a guy.

Glory thinks the guy she is seeing is Christian but doesn’t know him well enough yet to know for sure. She’s worried that if she is weak and this guy is weak when it comes to being physical and having sex then who is going to stop them from doing it. She makes it clear that God is more important to her than any guy is. She’s worried if she stays in this relationship, then it could get physical. What do you think would help her? Let’s find out what you had to say to help Glory.

Peer to Peer Advice on Sexual Temptation: 

Facing temptations is part of life. It’s awesome that Glory is thinking ahead about the temptation of sex and wants to set boundaries before it goes too far with this guy she is seeing. Have you been there before? In a relationship and committed to not having sex before marriage but tempted to do so.  Glory received great advice and feedback from Christina, Alisha, Laura, Linda, Robin and Sarah.

If He’s Not Willing to Wait, Go Your Separate Ways

Christina shares with Glory, “I am a 29-year-old mother, so I have some experience when it comes to having relationships. One key piece of encouragement is that if the young man is frustrating her and she’s trying hard to resist the temptation of having a physical relationship at this time, then that’s the stone-cold truth that it’s not a true love or care for her that’s initiating his desires.

Unfortunately, there’s a lot of people who give in to the temptation and end up with children who weren’t planned and scars that weren’t planned.

If he’s pressuring you, Glory, then that’s not someone who cares about you the way God intents for a husband or potential husband to treat you. Stand your ground and have the conversation where you talk about it and say to him, “Look I feel this way about you, and you feel this way about me and if we are going to have a relationship then we are going to need to wait to get married. If you’re not willing to do that then we need to separate now so that I don’t get hurt and you don’t get hurt.”

Set Boundaries Early in the Relationship

Alisha says Glory shouldn’t feel ashamed of this, “Even if you’re with the holiest guy in the world, there’s going to be a sexual temptation.  Something really important to do is sit down and have a conversation about what you both want. If he really does love God, the way he seems to portray then he should be open to having that conversation and setting boundaries. And if she does decide to go through with this relationship and they set boundaries then be really careful where she decides to hang out with him.

Maybe hang out in the daytime. Don’t put yourself in situations where things could happen that she doesn’t want to happen.

If she does decide to be in a relationship with somebody, then keep praying and keep staying with God. It’s almost like when you’re in a relationship you have to work double-time on your faith because of the temptation that’s there. It says in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for all life flows from it.” So, it’s really important for her if she wants to have a lasting relationship to set those boundaries early. It’s better to do it earlier on, rather than being with him a while, then things get rough, and she ends up punishing her heart and causing scars that could last for a lifetime. And keep praying because temptation will be there no matter what relationship she’s in.”

Hang Out in Groups

Laura has simple but practical advice: “Hang out with groups of couples instead of one-on-one. It will help relieve some of the tension and some of the opportunity where she could get hurt or hurt him.”

God Wants You Eternally Happy, Not Just Temporarily Happy

Linda was in a similar situation. She shares, “For new Christians especially, it’s a very vulnerable time but it’s also a very rich time to get to know the principles of God and why we have the commandments we do. God isn’t just a control freak; he wants what’s best for us and is a very wise father. He gives us these commandments so we can be eternally happy, not just temporarily happy.

He’s looking at the whole picture of our whole spiritual essence. Getting really deep into the Bible and getting to know God’s heart is so important during this time. Also, reading books, such as by John Eldredge, who is a great author, who helps you understand that God is this loving father. If you understand why God has these commandments that go against our flesh all the time, then you know he wants what’s best for us.

Glory, you can see this battle you’re in, as an honor and as a joining with Jesus in the battle he fought for you. The sacrifice you make is something you give back. In sacrificing you become so much stronger. You get on the other side of it, and you see what God was trying to say to you. It takes the struggle out of being obedient, when you see you are being protected.”

Prayerfully Consider All of Your Decisions

Robin says, “You are not the only one out there that struggles with these feelings. I waited up until I was 25. It ended up happening that I lost my virginity, and it was a disaster. It’s not a place that you ever want to be. You don’t ever want to question your worth and you don’t want to question your obedience to the Lord. Prayerfully consider all of your decisions. If you see a yellow light/red light and see the warnings, go back to the Lord and question what exactly he’s trying to tell you. You might stumble, you might falter but as long as you keep your eyes on him, you can’t go any other place but up. You are going to be fine.”

Listen to Those Inner Feelings

Sarah says, “I can relate to what you are going through right now. I’m 25 and I started listening and turning to God around the same age Glory is right now. I understand the feeling of wanting to be with someone and wondering why it hasn’t happened for you yet. I really encourage you to listen to those inner feelings because that’s how God communicates to you. He lets you know that maybe this is not the right person, and you might have some personal work to do or there might be something God wants you to accomplish before he puts the right person in your life.

I made a lot of mistakes choosing to follow what I wanted to do, rather than what I knew was right and what God wanted. The result, in the end, is I took it the long way around and had to do more healing and I could have trusted what I felt to start with.”

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking God gives us rules just because he wants to control us. But he gives us commandments for a reason…to protect us, and to keep us focused on him. When you have sex, you are connecting and creating soul ties with that person. This is why breaking it off with someone you’ve had sex with is so much harder and produces heartbreak. Then from heartbreak comes distrust and a need for healing. You can protect your heart and the rest of you by deciding upfront if you are going to obey God or not. If you want to stay away from sexual temptation, then you have to be proactive. You have to communicate about it with who you are dating, set boundaries with each other, and not put yourself in situations that will lead you down the wrong path.

What advice would you give Glory?

If you’ve been in a relationship where you committed to not having sex before marriage but were tempted to do so. Let us know how you handled it. What did you do to stay away from a physical relationship? If you did end up having sex, how did it affect your life?

Resources for Dating and Sexual Temptation:

Verse of Hope to help you understand why you should wait for sex until marriage: Bible Verses About Sex, Love and Dating – Help from God
Also, check out my blogs about waiting for sex:

• Dating and Sex: What to Do if There’s a Strong Attraction, But You Want to Wait
• Why Wait for Sex?
• Is Your BF Pressuring You to Have Sex? Steps to Take
• Dating Reality Check: Is it Lust or Love?