Faith

It’s hard to have faith when life is hard, but something I’ve been comforted by over the years is the realization that God understands my pain.

Whether my pain is from the consequences of my own actions or something completely beyond my control, God loves me and will not abandon me.

God Understands Weakness

In one of his letters to the churches, the Apostle Paul says something amazing:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” - Hebrews 4:15-16

God understands our weaknesses and has experienced them in his own way. He knows the pain our struggles cause us, no matter if we’re a new believer or have been building our faith for years. This means we can feel more confident reaching out to Him for help, without being overwhelmed by shame or guilt.

Even the people you admire most in life have undergone some immense struggles. God forgives us for so much, and the pain our weaknesses cause us doesn’t have to last forever.

God Understands Sadness

When His friend Lazarus died, Jesus wept for him, even though He planned to raise Lazarus from the dead (John 11:35). God understands our sadness. He made you, including your feelings.

And you don’t have to hide anything from God or put on a brave face. You can be yourself and share your sadness with Him. He will help you through it.

It can be hard to connect with God during a really difficult time. But it is always possible. Something as simple as focusing on Him, saying a brief prayer, or writing a letter to Him may help. He knows your heart, and cares about what you’re facing right now.

God Is Love

We hear it all the time: God is love (1 John 4:8). But what does it mean? I think one of the most powerful meanings of this teaching lies in how God puts people in our lives to show us His love and kindness, even when we are struggling in our faith or have given up belief in Him.

No matter how hard things get, or where you are in your faith, there are people who love you, care about you, and want to help you get through this painful time in your life. This could be a parent, a longtime friend, or a new acquaintance. Even the smallest gestures of kindness can be great reminders that we’re loved.

If you feel like you have no one to turn to right now, don’t despair or give up. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine whenever you need a listening ear. We can help you find greater hope and encouragement during this difficult time. We are here for you, and we want you to know there is always hope.

When you’ve lost a loved one, it can feel like you’re being hit by wave after wave of grief. Everything seems to remind you of them, and your emotions seem stronger and more painful than they’ve ever been.

In those times, I know what it feels like to just want the pain to stop. Part of you wonders, “When will this be over? When can I stop hurting and get my life back?”

Adjusting to “the New Normal”

It may be painful to hear the truth, but I think it’s important for real healing. Grieving for someone you love never really stops. Grief recovery expert Stephen Moeller puts it this way:

“The passage of time has nothing to do with actually moving through the pain of loss. If anything, all that happens as time goes by is that grievers become so accustomed to living with the pain that it becomes an everlasting part of their lives. That pain will continue to control them if they fail to take meaningful action to actually deal [with] it .”

The pain doesn’t go away with the passage of time. But when we expect pain, rather than trying to ignore it, get over it, or make it go away, we can be honest about how it makes us feel. And, if we are willing to adjust to the “new normal” of grieving, we’re more likely to reach out for help when we need it.

The Symptoms of Grief

Of course, the severity of your feelings will likely change over time. It depends on how close you were to the person you lost. Grief symptoms often mimic physical or mental illness. Crying, loss of appetite, depression, changes in mood, and difficulty eating or sleeping are some of the most common ways grief shows up in our bodies and minds.
While you’ll never stop loving and missing the person who has died, you will likely see a decrease in the intensity of these symptoms.

How Long Does Grief Take?

Check-in with yourself often and try to keep track of how strong grief is when it hits you. How are you feeling a month later? 3 months later? Do you feel different after 6 months? Noticing how your grief changes is important in the healing process. It also makes it easier to manage grief, although grief is always a bit unpredictable.

If it’s been several years, and you still feel like your grief is so bad that it diminishes your quality of life, see your doctor and your mental health professional. You may be experiencing a type of grieving that requires special treatment.

And remember that, no matter how dark your grief feels, God is always there to comfort you. Saying a prayer or asking others to pray for you can calm the fear and isolation that grief often brings with it.

Don’t Forget to Keep Living

It is tempting when I am grieving a loved one to retreat into my grief and stay there. Of course, it’s important to allow ourselves time to grieve. But don’t feel guilty about continuing to live your life and do things you enjoy. Start with the little things, like taking a walk in the park or enjoying a cup of your favorite tea.

When gathering with friends, it’s okay to talk about your feelings of grief. But it may also help to ask them about their lives in order to prevent the overwhelm of missing your loved one. And of course, showing gratitude for them and for your time together is a great way to focus on the little joys of life.

Grief recovery is hard, but it’s not impossible. Sharing your grief experience in a support group setting with others who have also lost loved ones may also be very helpful. You can find a grief support group here: Grief Share

You can also talk to a HopeCoach at the HopeLine anytime you need help working through grief. We are here for you, and we grieve with you as you mourn this loss.

For more on how to understand grief and loss read, Is Grieving Ever Wrong or Unhealthy?

Single Mom to a Son with an Absent Father

Bree is a single mom raising her 7-year-old son, Carter, on her own. His father hasn’t seen him in over 2 years. Bree wants to know how to explain to her son why his father is never around. She works with her son’s father’s girlfriend, who has two children that are not his. The other day he was posting pictures of his girlfriend’s kids, saying how they complete his life and mean everything to him. Bree has tried to keep this from her son, so it doesn’t hurt him since his dad is not involved in his life. But he’s heard Bree talking to her brother about it. A man at the church says, God is a father to all. It’s true and her son understands, but it still hurts him. His father hasn’t seen him in 2 years, but he cares about some other kids.

What Do I Say When His Father is a No Show?

Bree says her son is not resentful yet but she’s afraid it’s going to turn into anger eventually because he doesn’t have a male role model in his life. He has Bree’s brother but he’s out of town for work most of the time. Bree can see her son is hurt and she doesn’t know what to say to make it better. She wants him to understand it’s not him, that it’s not his fault his father is not around.

Peer to Peer: Advice Needed for Bree

Bree would like your advice and she needs your encouragement! Van and Laura had spot-on advice for Bree. Here’s what they had to say:

Make Sure He Knows It’s Not His Fault

Van says, I know what you are going through. I know the pain as a mother, watching your son suffer. My advice:

1. Explain to him that it has nothing to do with him. It’s not his fault. It’s his dad making poor decisions.

2. Get involved in a church where he can be involved with the kid’s youth group. I’ve found there’s usually a lot of fellows willing to step up and be a good role model for him.

Reassure Him of Yours and God's Love for Him

Laura was a single parent for 9 years. She says, both of my son’s dads never cared. What I told my kids was, I love you guys very much and I’m always here for you. God loves you very much. I took them to church and got them involved in church. I took them to a lot of fun things and made their life fun. I reassured them I would always be there for them. I told them it’s not their fault their dad is not there. And explained that some people make decisions in life that are wrong. My son is now, 25 years old and his dad is trying to connect with him. My son doesn’t want anything to do with him but I’m trying to explain to him to forgive. You can’t change the past, but you can forgive and move on. Keep on every day telling him you love him and reassure him how much God loves him.

Involved in a Group at Church

Bree says she’s been thinking a lot about getting him involved in a group at church. She needs to sit down with someone there and explain what she needs. Her son will find other kids who have been abandoned there as well. He’ll be surrounded by a group where there’s a lot of love.

What advice would you give Bree?

If you’ve been a single parent and have some wisdom for Bree, please share in the comments below!

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

It’s tough being a single mother, handling the load of both parents all the while trying to protect your child. Bree is doing a great job. She’s reassuring her son of her love for him. She doesn’t bad mouth his father. She’s willing to go to church and get him involved and try to find a male role model for him. Bree doesn’t have to be a father; she only has to be the mother. She can trust God to step in to be his Father and do what He will do. We need to trust the Lord with Carter’s life, helping him to cope.

Abandonment can be so hurtful and make you feel as you aren’t worth anything, but that’s not the way God sees Carter. He loves Carter and will be a father to him. As Psalm 68:5 says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” Bree is going to have to rely on the Lord. God can provide men to be father figures and role models for Carter.

Resources for Abandonment and Single Moms:

Even though the wounds of abandonment can run deep, there’s hope and healing available. To get that help: Understanding Abandonment.

We also have Verses of Hope for Single Moms.
Also, check out my blogs for single moms:

• Help, I’m a Single Mom
• Tips for Dealing With Birth Fathers
• Dating Advice for Single Moms

And my blogs on Abandonment:

• Dealing with Abandonment
• How to Deal with Father Hunger
• Reaching Out for a Father

Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

To anyone considering marriage:

I am writing a very important blog post just for you because it deals with picking the right partner for marriage. I believe the decision you make as to who you will marry is the second most important decision you will ever make. The first decision is the choice about your relationship with God. There is no more important decision than that because that decision will affect eternity.

Who you marry will greatly affect your sense of fulfillment and future. That's why you don't want to make a mistake in picking the right partner.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. No one marries to get divorced. They don't say, "Well I'd like to go through the awful experience of getting divorced, so I think I'll get married." Everyone thinks they have found the right one when they marry. Of course, there are a lot of reasons for divorce, but a big one is you married the wrong person, or you are the wrong person for the one you married. (By the way, I have some great advice for you to consider. Never date someone you know would not qualify as a potential marriage partner. You may end up thinking you are in love with the wrong person for you.)

Finding the right partner to marry is serious business. You need to be attracted to each other (beauty is in the eye of the beholder), but who you choose to marry goes far beyond looks. It has to do with character, who they are on the inside, qualities they will still have long after beauty has faded.

A Commitment to You and Your Marriage

I found out, in my own experience, marriage is at least five times harder than I thought it would be. A successful marriage takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice. If you are not absolutely committed to making the marriage work, it doesn't stand a chance.

In marriage, feelings come and feelings go, but loving someone by an act of your will can save your marriage. It's so great when a guy knows his wife is committed to him and she knows her husband is committed to her.  Every successful relationship has to have a strong foundation of trust and commitment. If the person you're considering marrying is not committed to you, get out of the relationship immediately.

Unconditional Love and Respect

There are people who stay in marriages out of a commitment to their vows, and yet their relationship can still be loveless. Unconditional love says, I accept you the way you are even though there are areas in your life you need to change.  Never marry someone thinking once you're married you will automatically change them. Your husband or wife may change through God's love and the circumstances of life, but this change could take a long time to develop. So you must love each other right where you are.

You want someone who will encourage you to be all you can be, but who loves you without conditions or requiring you to change.
Marriage will bring out the good and bad side of you. You need the kind of partner who will not be a doormat, but will love you the way you need to be loved. You both will need God's love in order to love each other.

Potential to Be a Great Parent

In the end, there are very few things in life that are truly important. Those things that often have to do with relationships. That's why most people at one time or another dream of having a loving family. But raising children is a huge challenge. It is worth the work, but it can be hard. When a husband-and-wife team up together to help raise their children in a positive and loving way, a healthy, happy family can come about. Approaching parenting as a unified front makes a difference in children's lives.

You Get Along With Each Other's Families

One of the most surprising things I learned when I first got married was how important inner-family relationships were to my marriage. All of us come from different styles of families and our families have a huge impact on what we believe and the way we act.

It takes some adjustments to be able to relate to someone else's family in a loving and meaningful way. It's not nearly as easy as it looks. If your partner is a loving person and can somehow adjust to your family who may be far different than what they grew up with, you will save yourself from a lot of arguments and pain.

Take Your Time

A good marriage partner can be hard to find. There are plenty of pretenders, but few who are the real thing. Take your time, get good advice, and ask for God's help before getting married.

I want to end this blog where I began: Who you marry is the second most important decision you will ever make. Make that decision very wisely.

For more advice on finding the right partner, read this post on How To Find a Meaningful Relationship

Breaking up is one of the hardest things we go through as adults. The end of a dating relationship, even a brief one, is painful and confusing.

If you’ve broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s natural to wonder how long it takes to recover from a breakup. After all, you want to get back to feeling like yourself, and you want to enjoy your life again.

Healing after a breakup varies for everyone who goes through this experience. Here are some things I’ve noticed that influence the time it takes for things to feel like they’re getting back to normal after a breakup.

What Happened?

While what happened is beyond your control at this point, the circumstances of your breakup will impact how long it affects you, and to what degree. Pain, frustration, and sadness are valid after any relationship ends. But a breakup caused by a traumatic event like cheating or emotional abuse is more emotionally draining than when two personalities just didn’t mesh.

Trauma requires more specialized support, especially if you are dealing with intense depression or anger that you feel like you can’t control. Don’t rush the healing process, especially if you’ve been through an intensely painful experience. Reaching out to a mentor or counselor you can trust is going to be fundamentally important to finding a healthier perspective and more lasting healing.

Are You Ready to Let Go?

Breakups cause us to grieve the relationship we’ve lost. You’ve probably found yourself feeling like a part of you has died, even though you have to go on with your day-to-day life. After all, there was once care, companionship, and affection that’s not a part of your life anymore.

Recovering from a breakup is much like moving through the stages of grief. You’re going to feel differently on different days, depending on your life circumstances and how long you’ve been on this healing journey.

But in general, moving toward acceptance is a good way to develop healing habits after heartbreak. If you can work on accepting what happened, how you feel, and the fact that you will find happiness again, then the pain of your breakup won’t always be as intense as it is now.

If you are struggling with acceptance and picking yourself up after you fall into sadness, I find remembering God’s love to be calming and helpful. Even when having faith that things will get better feels impossible, He’s never far from us, and He has plans for our healing.

What Support Do You Have?

Your support system is critical when it comes to getting past the intense pain and frustration you feel after a breakup. It’s important to surround yourself with people who can support, encourage, and spur you on as you commit to healing from your heartbreak.

This could mean a therapist, someone in your faith community, your parents, or a close friend. Make sure the people you have supporting you are people you trust to tell you the truth, to be kind, and to help you stay hopeful about the future.

If you aren’t sure where to turn for support, you can start right here. TheHopeLine has helped many people rediscover happiness after breaking up, and we are here to listen. Talk to a HopeCoach whenever you need extra support. We are here for you, and we believe things will turn out well.

It seems like every great romance includes an inevitable heartbreak. But before you swear off relationships forever, read this blog.

Bullying can be incredibly painful, and its negative impact can last for years to come. But you don’t have to remain trapped by a bully, and there are things you can do to stop their painful cycle of controlling and harmful behavior.

If you recognize you’re being bullied, there are always people who care that want to help you grow and heal after bullying.

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is more than anger. People can be angry without being cruel or deliberately harming others. Bullying isn’t fighting with a friend, although unkind things may be said during a particularly tense disagreement. If talking through a disagreement ended the tension between you, then you weren’t being bullied.

“Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior.

Think about the people in your life.

• Is anyone aggressive with you? Do you feel forced to do anything you don’t want to do, or to put up with them causing you pain and discomfort?
• Do you feel like they are stronger, more powerful, or more influential than you in a way that disappointing or saying no to them scares you?
• Do they seem to enjoy being cruel to you?
• Does their unkind behavior persist, even after you’ve told them you were hurt and wanted it to stop?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, you are being bullied. But things are not hopeless. There is always hope to break free from painful relationship dynamics, including bullying.

If someone you care about has told you they are being treated this way, then you are witnessing bullying.

Can Bullying Stop?

Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to stop someone from bullying someone else. What I can do, though, is intervene when I know someone is being bullied to make sure they’re safe and getting any emotional, physical, or spiritual wounds addressed by people who are trained and ready to help. If you or someone you care about is being bullied:

• Ask someone for help. This can be a teacher or professor, a pastor, or a parent.
• Stay calm. Don’t challenge the person bullying you or escalate the situation.
• Distance yourself from the bully as much as possible. The people you’ve asked for help can also help you make a plan to maintain a safe distance.

Don’t feel any pressure to talk things out or try to make things right with the bully if they frighten or threaten you or your friend. Make safety and well-being your top priorities.

How to Heal After Bullying

Healing after bullying is not an overnight thing. It may take a long time for you to uncover all the ways that a bully’s painful treatment has hurt you. Try taking these steps if you have been repeatedly hurt by someone’s bullying:

• Allow time. Don’t rush the healing or “getting over it” process.
• Care for your needs. Be sure you or your friend who is being bullied are seeing a doctor, a therapist, and a trusted spiritual guide to take care of immediate hurts and needs that arise as a result of being bullied.
• Center yourself. Finding faith is hard when we’ve been hurt. But spend a few minutes every day reminding yourself you were created and given this life to live it fully. There may not always be something big to celebrate. But try finding little ways every day to be reminded of God’s love.

Healing in any way is a journey, and it can be tough. You can talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you’re not sure where to turn after bullying. We are here to listen and help you find the support you need to help you or your friend after bullying,

For more help with bullying, watch this video by my friend, Brooks Gibbs, on what to do when you see bullying. 

The new year can be an exciting time to set goals and dream big. But sometimes, it can be hard to believe that our hopes are worthwhile, or that we can do the challenging things we set out to do.

Faith comes in handy when I am struggling to believe I have what it takes to fulfill my New Year’s resolutions. I may not be able to accomplish some of my goals on my own steam. But when I remember I have God’s help during tough times, it can feel a lot less overwhelming to keep going.

Faith is a sureness or certainty in what you believe, even if you can’t see every outcome or prove everything with evidence. Faith means believing in God's faithfulness and promises even when you everything in your life is not going right.

Whether you are a new believer or have a lifelong relationship with God, I hope these verses encourage you to start the new year with faith and hope as you commit to growing and learning.

“I Can Do All This”

In his letter to the church in Philippi, the apostle Paul wrote:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
- Phil. 4:12-13

Everything can seem new and fresh at the beginning of the year, but real struggles will happen. And it comforts me to know that I will be able to find contentment and strength to keep moving forward with God’s help, even when things get tough.

“Plans to Give You a Hope”

Often the struggles and trauma we have to overcome means that our goals are deeper, and the struggle to accomplish them more difficult. We might have to wrestle with painful truths, let go of harmful habits or addictions, or end a toxic relationship. Luckily, God is with us:

“‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come to pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’”
- Jer. 29:11-13

These words were spoken at a time when Israel was desperate and suffering, and God kept His promise to them. If your goals for the year will be challenging, prayer is powerful, and can help you find the strength to keep going.

“All These Things Will Be Given to You”

Sometimes, I worry about where to put my focus when it comes to accomplishing my goals for the new year. Sometimes, my goals relate to my relationships. I might have some things I really need to improve in my work. Or maybe I’m neglecting the self-care I need to meet my emotional needs.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
- Matt. 6:33-35

Jesus teaches me that, even though I will pursue many important things in life, I should never lose my focus on God or my dedication to my faith. When I make that priority, I realize that God takes care of me. Even if I don’t get everything I want, I am able to have what I need to grow and find contentment.

If you’ve been looking for support to accomplish your goals, need encouragement in your faith, or just want to start the new year off more hopeful, TheHopeLine can help. Talk to a HopeCoach when you need extra encouragement or explore our podcasts and resources. We are here to support you and we’re praying for you to have a happy, healthy new year.

Sometimes we make choices in life that we wonder, does God forgive me? For help with these feelings read my blog, Does God Forgive Everything?

I understand that being content with being single can be really hard. After all, every movie, TV show, and commercial seems to be focused on finding someone.

I've talked to many people who feel frustrated and lonely. I try to help them see that being alone doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
With the right outlook, your time as a single person can be one of the most valuable and enjoyable times of your life. Here are some ideas for finding contentment without a romantic relationship.

Get to Know Yourself

Being single is not always easy, but there’s plenty to be thankful for about that season of life. It’s a great time to get to know yourself.

Use the time alone to explore your likes, your dislikes, and your interests. Have you wanted to travel? Plan a trip. Thinking of learning a new skill? Sign up for an evening class. Because you’re the decision-maker, the single years are a great time to develop your creativity and build greater independence.

Be Kind to Yourself

You won’t always be in a great mood about being single. It’s normal to have ups and downs. It’s important not to ignore your emotions. Be kind to yourself. Try these healthy self-care habits when you need to feel more centered.

• When you feel alone, remember the friends and family who love you.
• When you feel overwhelmed, take yourself for a walk, or get some rest.
• In the quiet moments, resist the temptation to plug in. Use the silence to clear your head and think things through.
• When you aren’t sure what to do about your feelings, try spending time in meditation, or say a prayer. God is always with us, even when we feel like no one else will understand.
• When plans fall through with a friend, do something special for yourself: curl up with your favorite book, go to a movie, or have a meal at your favorite restaurant.

Cherish All Relationships

I understand it’s challenging being single in a society that places so much emphasis on romance. But the truth is, there are many fulfilling relationships that can bring great joy to your life.

Make it a habit to schedule time with loved ones and make every effort to be present during those interactions. Notice the kindness of family and friends and look for kindness and love. When that’s your focus, you’ll find great fulfillment from the meaningful relationships in your life.

If your family and friends live far away, try making a friend at places you frequent. School, the gym, or your place of worship may be good places to start.

Volunteering for a cause you believe in is also a great way to meet people, find a sense of purpose, and keep yourself occupied. Connection happens everywhere. I’m hopeful you’ll form many relationships during your single years that you’ll treasure for years to come.
There may still be days when being content outside of a romantic relationship is tough. TheHopeLine is here for you. Talk to a HopeCoach whenever you need support. We are here to listen as you grow in your self-knowledge and self-worth.

Want more information on being single? Read my blog, It's Perfectly OK to Be Single and Not Dating. 

Hi my name is Mike, I met this girl and I wasn't at all expecting us to be anything more than a fling. Then I fell so deeply in love with her that I couldn't believe it myself. I knew that I was likely going to get hurt, but I couldn't stop myself. It has been six years since I loved this deeply.

I Knew I Would Get Hurt

But it's complicated. I accepted when she told me that she was with someone else. She said they probably wouldn't last so I should wait. I was suffering, but I kept smiling because of love. She never told me that she loved me until it was time for me to leave the state which was 2 and a half months after we met. I always got mad because I believed the love was one-sided and I was just hurting myself.

However, when I left town, we started talking on video and she started telling me how much she loves me and all that. Then for the second time she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. I begged her not to go back to him as she did before. She promised.

Maybe I expected too much because I always wanted her to confess her emotions to me, but she told me that her love for me was on and off and not constant. I've tried to leave her but my heart bleeds and burns when I try, I cannot imagine a future without her.

I even got a book so I could be ready to ask her to marry me and what to expect in the marriage.

I'm suffering too much emotionally, and I wish that I never stepped in that room the night we met. Most of the time, I have no one around me and I just wallow in my thought alone. She has her friends with her, making her smile. She probably thinks less about me.

Finding Hope, After She Broke My Heart

After reading a story by Matt from your page, I now believe that whatever the outcome I will heal someday, and this will all just be a memory.  Thank you for the hope you've shown my way. I pray that I heal quickly as it is the worst period of my life in many years.

From TheHopeLine

Mike, we are so glad that you found hope that things can and will get better. Keep clinging to that hope. Love can be hard to navigate and a broken heart can hurt desperately, but there is always HOPE. Millions of people have experienced heartache, just think of all the sad love songs. And while that doesn't make it easy to go through, it is good to know that most people are able to move on and so often find something even better. This is especially true if you are seeking God and asking him to guide you. God has great plans for you! Just keep following him. If you would like to have others pray for you, please post a request at TheHopeLine Prayer.

For more thoughts on how to get over a broken heart read - How to Heal and Get Over a Broken Heart - 6 Steps or download our free eBook Understanding a Broken Heart: