When getting to know someone as a single person, we often ask ourselves if we’re just friends, or if there is something more. It can be confusing, since you can have warm feelings for someone who wouldn’t be a good fit for you in a relationship. On the other hand, plenty of friendships have blossomed into romantic relationships.

I understand the feeling. I hope these ideas encourage you to feel more confident and comfortable talking to people close to you.

Don’t Rush It

One of the most important things I learned when getting to know people is to take my time. There’s a lot of pressure to “define the relationship”. Your friends may try to sway you one way or the other, but it’s important to take your time and do what you can to understand your feelings clearly.

Your friend may be trying to figure out their feelings, too. Giving things time and space is essential to maintaining healthy boundaries in the relationship, no matter where it goes in the future.

Whenever I’m in a period of waiting like that, I find that taking time to pray helps me gain greater peace than if I were to face things in my own strength. God will give you strength in times when you’re wondering what’s coming next for a close relationship. He cares about you, your friend, and your feelings

Talk Things Through

If you’ve been getting to know someone for a while and you’re open to pursuing a relationship, there will come a time when you’ll have to talk about your feelings. If you suspect that your friend might have feelings for you, it’s okay to ask them about it.

It can be hard to have this conversation. It’s not easy to put yourself out there. After all, you don’t know 100% how things will turn out. But if waiting to talk about it becomes stressful, overwhelming, or confusing, it’s time to have a conversation. You can talk to them about:

• How you feel about the relationship
• How you feel about them
• What you like about them and getting to know them
• Where you’d like to see the relationship go

After this conversation, it’s important to give your friend time to answer honestly. If your friend comes to you to ask about the possibility of a romantic relationship, you can:

• Let them know whether you’d like to have a romantic relationship or not
• Let them know if you need more time to process things

Whatever you decide, answer honestly. Your feelings may be difficult to share, but I promise you this: being honest in the moment will save you a lot of unnecessary pain in the future.

Move Forward with Respect

Whatever comes of talking about your feelings, it’s important to respect your friend’s wishes about the future of the relationship, don’t pressure or push them into a situation they’re not comfortable with. And if you feel they’re trying to do that to you, take a step back and get some support if you need it.

Do your best to express gratitude for the friendship, even if times are tough.

If you’re dating someone, it’s normal to have a strong attraction. It’s part of the joy, after all. But it can be hard to stay committed to waiting until marriage when you are drawn to someone you care about.

I know it can be difficult, especially when so many people confuse lust and love. But I also know it’s possible to stay true to your beliefs.

I’ve got a few suggestions for setting healthy boundaries in dating. I hope they help you feel more comfortable and confident in your dating relationship.

How to Manage Temptation and Maintain Purity

1. Communication is Key

It’s important that you and your boyfriend or girlfriend are on the same page when it comes to what you’re comfortable with in your relationship. If you’re both wanting to wait to have sex until you’re married, it will be easier to work together to accomplish that. But it’s not impossible to make that commitment if you have two different perspectives. It’s just a matter of having an honest conversation and respecting one another.

If your partner wants to wait and you’re having a hard time, focus on how much you love them and the sacrifices you’re willing to make for them. If your girlfriend or boyfriend wants to move things forward physically, but you’re not ready, tell them why waiting is important to you.

2. Focus on Connection

There are plenty of ways other than sex to share intimacy with someone you love. It’s good to balance things out so that not all your focus is on physical affection anyway.

Do things you enjoy together, or try taking up a new hobby, game, sport, or craft with them. Take a drive to a park, museum, or tourist attraction you’ve never visited before. You’ll be surprised by what you learn about one another and how much fun you have together when you’re trying something new.

Another great way to connect is to get to know people who are dear to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask them about their family and close friends, look at old pictures, and arrange a visit if you can. You’ll treasure those memories and deepen your bond together.

3. Take it One Day at a Time

It can be intimidating to think of “waiting until you’re married”, especially if your romantic relationship is new. But you can do it. Just take things one day at a time. If you feel pressure, give yourself space, or do more things with a group.

Be patient with yourself. You were created by God to feel strong feelings and learning how to discuss and manage those feelings is a process, not a one-time decision.

When you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. You can learn from that experience, make adjustments, and move forward in your relationship.

If you need help setting boundaries in dating relationships, we are here for you. Talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeline anytime. We are a judgment-free zone, and we believe in you and your relationship.

Do you still need help and reasons to wait for sex? Read my blog that gives 10 reasons why it might be actually worth it to wait.

How to Handle Grief

One of the truest things I’ve learned about grief is this: it never fully goes away. Because grieving is so difficult, it may be hard to accept this at first.

But think of it this way: you’re grieving the loss of someone you care about. You will always love them and miss them, and they will always be important to you.

There’s no need to fear grief or try to push it out of your mind. But when it comes out of nowhere, it can be alarming. It’s normal to feel a little derailed by grief, and I’ve definitely been there before, too. Here are some ideas that may help.

Get to Know Your Grief

If you’ve read any grief resources, you know that everyone grieves differently. You may be able to avoid or lessen some of the “surprise attacks” grief can bring. Start by asking yourself some questions:

What does grief feel like for me?

• Where do I feel it in my body?
• How do I express my feelings?
• What are the dominant emotions I feel?

What has happened before and during past “grief attacks”?

• What was I doing?
• Where was I?
• When these moments happened, had I been sleeping well?
• How was my nutrition?

You don’t have to force yourself to grieve another way or pressure yourself to stop grief from hitting you out of nowhere. But understanding your grief may help you better anticipate it so you’re not as shaken up by it.

Breathe and Pray

Sudden grief can feel similar to an anxiety attack, a panic attack, or other mood swings that impact our mental health.
In those moments, it really helps me to do two things: breathe and pray.

Breathing deeply – in through your nose, out through your mouth – helps you feel more grounded in the moments when grief gets overwhelming. In the moments when you’re troubled at the loss of your loved one, try taking a few deep breaths. If you can, find a quiet place to regroup. Closing your eyes while deep breathing can also help you feel more centered.

Prayer also helps me when I’m grieving. I might feel sorrow about the loss of my loved one. I might be angry, even with God. My grief might be so strong some days, I struggle with believing God is there. No matter where my heart is, what my emotions are, or how I’m feeling physically, God cares about me. He cares about your grief, too. It is okay to lean on Him in prayer and to ask others to pray for you.

Get Help Right Away

If someone close to you has died, I know missing them can overwhelm you, even if you’re making every effort to take care of yourself and manage your emotions.

You don’t have to despair. Get grief support right away. Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine who cares about you. And know I’m praying for you and the loved ones you’ve lost. Even when your grief is strongest, you are never alone.

Did you know anger is a necessary part of the grieving process? Learn more about grief and how to understand someone in grief.

We also have a partner, GriefShare, who is a caring support group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life's most difficult experiences.

Where’s God in My Suffering?

Tiffany says, “My life is a mess. I just feel like everything is wrong.” Tiffany’s dad died 6 years ago, and everything seemed to go downhill after her dad passed away. Her brother became a drug addict and has done every drug known to man. He got kicked out of rehab last month. Her sister is depressed. Her mom has PTSD and acts out on everything. Tiffany wants to know, “Where is God in all this and why doesn’t He answer my prayers?” She feels praying is useless because every time she gets closer to God, something else goes wrong. Plus, she gets no response, is abandoned and left alone to handle all her struggles.

Everyone has told her the scripture, Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” But she says, it doesn’t make sense because she’s suffered so much, and suffering seems harmful.

God’s Near to the Brokenhearted

“God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) I think God is preparing Tiffany for something tremendous, to be able to minister to others who feel God has left them.

Peer to Peer: Advice Needed for Tiffany

Tiffany needs to know she’s not alone. We asked for you to share your advice and encouragement with Tiffany. Alex, Rose, and Julia all called in with impactful messages of hope to encourage Tiffany and help her get through this hard time in her life.

It’s Going to Get Better

Alex has a similar story to Tiffany’s. Alex’s mom passed away 12 years ago, and she has 2 siblings who’ve struggled with addiction. Her sister eventually stopped doing the drugs and gave her life to Christ. Alex says to Tiffany, “I know it seems like chaos right now, and a lot of times that is life that we have to go through, but you are building your testimony. Your testimony is going to help so many other people that you don’t even know.” Alex says God has allowed her to be a light to her 4 siblings. She knows it’s difficult to go through the hard times but that’s why we lean on Christ and keep praying! It’s going to get better!

God Didn’t Mean for Us to Do This Alone

Rose’s mom passed away unexpectedly when her mom was only 45 years old. A year after her mom passed, her sister died by suicide. Then 3 years later, her bother who was strung up in addiction, died by suicide. She says, it’s really hard to see a family member struggle through addiction. Rose says find a church family to help you Tiffany. Find community & support from other believers, who can lift you up and encourage you. God didn’t mean for us to do this alone. She said if she hadn’t had her church community and small group, she would not have walked through it all in such a positive way. Rose shared the scripture, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20) She said, if you don’t already have a church, go find one because there are so many warm, welcoming churches.

It Prepared Me for Today

Julia said when she heard Tiffany telling her story, she instantly felt the need to call in. She had been in a very bad place, wondering where God was and if he was listening to her, and where was He in all the suffering?

About 5 years ago, Julia was dating someone when she was 19 and became pregnant. Things started getting worse in the relationship. First, it was verbal abuse, then physical abuse and then one thing after another. She didn’t know how to get out or who to turn to. She kept thinking, why would God let someone do this to me? Julia said she got out of all of it, and she looks back today and realizes it was preparing her for her life now. Now, she’s a mother and knows what kind of respect and treatment she deserves. She knows God is always there with her. Even though she didn’t know He was there before, she can see now, He was there with her and working in her life. It will get better. Reach out to God!

What advice would you give Tiffany?

Have you ever felt like your life was falling to pieces? Or questioned where God was during your struggles? Will you share your story and what helped you get through? Share in the comments below! What you have to say could be exactly what helps Tiffany and others get through this!

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Your life might be a mess right now. Everything might be going wrong. But if you listen to others to have been in that place, like Alex, Rose, and Julia, they are telling Tiffany (and you), it will get better. It might not feel as if God is listening or helping you right now, but He is working in ways you can’t see. Tell God how you are feeling, what your struggles are, and ask for His help.

God’s Got a Plan

Paul said, “For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18) He calls our trials momentary, light afflictions in comparison to the rewards we have ahead of us. We will get to the other side, and it will make sense. Meanwhile, Tiffany, don’t give up because God hasn’t given up. He has a plan and is working right now!

Resources for Hope During Dark Times:

If you are feeling like your life is a mess right now and you need hope during this hard time, we have an awesome eBook just for you: Understanding Hope: How to Find Hope.
Also, check out my blogs to help you work through your struggles:

• How Can I Find Hope?
• Why Do Bad Things Happen?
• The Beauty in Pain
• We All Go Through Dark Times
• God Wants to Hear from You! How to Pray

You are not alone! Others struggle with similar doubts, fears, and question God sometimes. Here are some of their stories:

• I was Feeling Overwhelmed and Alone
• You are Never Alone
• Emotional Pain
• Don’t Lose Hope

Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

Fighting with a friend is one of the toughest things we can experience. I’ve had some arguments with close friends that have left me reeling. One of the most common feelings I experience after arguing or fighting with a friend is guilt.

If you’re feeling guilty about struggles in a friendship, you’re not alone. It is possible to get to the bottom of things and to free yourself from overwhelming guilt.

If you’re not sure where to start, I have some suggestions that I hope will help.

How to Handle Guilt from Fighting with a Friend

You care about your friend, and you want to do everything you can to help, but you also have a guilty conscience. I understand if your tendency is to shift the focus entirely to what you may have done wrong and what you could have done better.

But it’s good to remember that every friendship has two people in it. Don’t put everything on your shoulders. There may be something you can do to make things right, but your friend will need to take responsibility, too.

Be Clear and Realistic

It is easy for feelings to overwhelm me after an argument. But not all feelings are true, especially when it comes to feelings that are damaging to my self-worth. When thinking through an argument or fight with your friend, revisit things when you’ve had time to rest. When your mind feels clearer, acknowledge your words and actions.

Can you think of something specific you said, or did that hurt your friend? If so, is there something concrete you can do to set things, right?

This kind of self-examination really helps me sort through complex emotions and come up with practical ways to improve my friendships.

Love and Gratitude

Focusing on what I’m grateful for really helps me get through a tough time. Thinking about why I love my friends helps me work through disagreements. Remembering other meaningful relationships gives me perspective so I don’t despair. I hope it encourages you to remember that all your friendships and relationships are a gift from God, and that you are a gift from Him to all the people in your life.

Everyone makes mistakes in their friendships, and you may need to do some work to patch things over with your friend. But there is a lot you bring to relationships, too. Remembering this can help you regain perspective when sorting through feelings after arguing with a friend.

Never forget that God cares about you, your friend, and your relationship. Reaching out to him in prayer will help you find peace and clarity.

Making a Plan for Healing

Relationships can be tough. Friendships can feel strained and stretched, and we can say hurtful things to one another when we’re angry or stressed.

But a friendship can also strengthen and heal after arguments and disagreements. If you’re worried about talking with your friend, or still feeling intense guilt, our support is available to begin healing friendships. Talk with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you need help now.

We’re here for you and praying for your friendship. You’re not alone, and things can get better.

Are you upset because you’ve been fighting with a close friend? Find out what to do and how to deal with relationship challenges here.

What to Know About Making Friends? The Effort is Well Worth the Reward!

Some people find making friends to be a very difficult task. It doesn't have to be, but it does require patience, love, and commitment.

I often say on my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, that it is incredibly valuable to have good friends. Friends will enrich your life and be the anchors that keep you grounded when everything else around you seems to be out of control.

Friendships are so important! You need friends and healthy friendships to feel good about yourself. You need people who get you, who you can laugh with, do stuff with, and just hang with, but also get support from during difficult times. A friend is someone who you love, honor, and trust and they feel the same towards you. The Urban Dictionary defines a friend as: " A friend is someone who is happy to spend time with you doing absolutely nothing at all; someone who doesn't mind driving you on stupid errands, who doesn’t have to talk to communicate with you. A friend is someone who not only doesn't care if you're ugly or boring but doesn't even think about it; someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don't know how."

But what if you're at a new school, or maybe starting a new job and you don't know anyone. The sooner you learn how to make friends, the more fulfilling your life will be. So, how do you make new friends?

4 Steps to Making Friends

1.  Spend more time around people with similar interests. You can't make friends sitting at home watching TV. Sooner or later, you have to move out into unchartered waters...the real world where things can sometimes be unpredictable and uncomfortable. The best way to work through this is to stare down your fears and take the plunge. It may not be a great experience the first time, but if you keep at it, you will attract people to yourself.

The easiest way to make friends is to get involved in activities that you are comfortable with. You will find people with similar interests, and the relationships will develop naturally.

• Volunteer somewhere - when you work together with other people on a common goal, you will develop friendships more rapidly.
• Join a club - here's where to find a group of people with similar interests and interact with them while you do what you love.
• Join a sports team - this is a great way to make friends as you compete against an opponent.

Shana said, "Having a goal you share with other people, even strangers, will draw you together. I went on a mission's trip with people from my church and we all became really great friends." Shana is right. She took her eyes off herself and her own fears and found new friends who all had a common goal.

2. Reach out to people - you can join all the clubs or teams in the world, and you'll never make friends with anyone if you don't reach out to others. Remember, everybody needs encouragement and attention, even small words of kindness will make a difference. You can talk to people anywhere...at church, in class, at the gym, at your job or just about any place. Ask people questions about themselves and take an honest interest in them. People are most concerned about themselves, therefore, reaching into their world with genuine interest will bring you friends.

Jessie said, "People sometimes think you're crazy for talking to strangers. But being nice to other people is a great way to live. And it's a great way to make new friends."

3. Make efforts to get together - When you meet someone you find interesting, be courageous enough to ask him or her to meet with you at another time. Make a future plan. It's easy enough to say, "We should do this again sometime." But make sure to follow it up with an actual planned date and time. It's a great way to find out if the other person is open to having your friendship. Don't ever try to pressure anyone into getting together with you. But be honest and sincere about your desire to get to know them.

4. Be a good friend - Some people have a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. What is the difference between friends and acquaintances? An acquaintance is someone you might see every day, and you might even have conversations with her or him, but it usually doesn't go beyond friendly, superficial talk. If you're looking for a good friend, you will have to work harder and go deeper than just saying hi to everybody. A good friend is available, reliable, and trustworthy, and also a great listener.

Wade said, "I don't want any friends who don't care what goes on with me. If someone wants to show me, they're a good friend they will ask me about what I'm thinking and feeling."

Just remember, there are many people all around you who are waiting to make new friends as well. Make it your goal to find them. It takes a while to develop friends, so be patient, it will work out.

The college years are certainly a time in your life to look forward to...the freedom, dorm life, expanding your mind, constant contact with friends, social activities, studying what interests you most, etc. But let’s be honest, college is stressful. To have successful college years, it is important to learn ways to manage college stress.

Believe me, I get how hard it is. I get many calls from college students on my radio show about how “stressed-out” they are. College requires a lot of changes that affect many areas of our lives. Alyse called concerned about her relationship with her boyfriend which seemed to be changing with the mounting pressure of school:

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/Alyse+19+-+Modesto%2C+CA+-+Collge+straining+relationship.mp3

The American College Health Association found in a 2015 study that more than 85 percent of college students said they “felt overwhelmed” by the demands of college. And a third of all students said stress had a negative effect on their overall academic performance. With 85% of students feeling overwhelmed, you can almost count on stress being part of any college experience.

What to Know About Managing College Stress

Are you overwhelmed with classes, a job, and a social life?

But why is it so stressful?

Top College Stressors

• Away from home for the first time.
• Need to make decisions on your own.
• Time management is hard with a flexible but full schedule.
• Choosing a major and deciding what you want to do with the rest of your life
• The pressure to achieve good grades.
• Financial stress. College is expensive and debt is mounting.
• Balancing studying, class time, studying, relationships, studying, extra-curricular, studying, social life, etc.
• Easier access to alcohol and drugs
• Being frustrated and wanting instant gratification when it’s not available.

These stressors can weigh heavy on anyone, but sometimes students are more than just “stressed-out”.

This is important…

Recognizing whether your feelings are based on adjusting to life away from home or if you are experiencing an early sign of a mental health condition is crucial.

Mental Health Concerns in College

75% of all mental health conditions begin by age 24. So, it is critical that college students are aware of common warning signs of a mental health condition that could suggest that perhaps you are more than just “stressed out”. These years are critical for understanding and talking about mental health. And it is nothing to be ashamed of.

1 in 5 youth and young adults experiences a mental health condition and 30% of college students reported feeling so down at some point during the previous year that they found it difficult to function.

Heather called my show because she overloaded her first year, fell into depression, and gave up on classes. Now she is doing better but scared to go back to school.

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/Heather+22+-+Gainsville+FL+-+College+burnt+her+out.mp3

So, when is it time to go talk to your school counselor or confide in a parent or trusted friend?

10 Common Warning Signs of Mental Health Condition:

1. Feeling very sad or withdrawn for more than two weeks
2. Severe, out-of-control risk-taking behaviors
3. Sudden overwhelming fear for no reason
4. Not eating, throwing up or using laxatives to lose weight
5. Seeing, hearing or believing things that are not real
6. Repeatedly and excessively using drugs or alcohol
7. Drastic changes in mood, behavior, personality or sleeping habits
8. Extreme difficulty in concentrating or staying still
9. Intense worries or fears that get in the way of daily activities
10. Trying to harm oneself or planning to do so

It can be difficult to know whether what you are experiencing is an early sign of an emerging mental health condition or part of adjusting to college. Listen to your mind and body. If you are not feeling right and are having trouble shaking that feeling, then talk with someone who can help you sort things out. You might find it is common stress and you might discover it’s more. You don’t have to know the answer to this question before talking to someone.

I can’t emphasize this enough…

Mental health conditions are common among college students so don’t hesitate to let your parents know what you are feeling. They want to know. Don’t try to protect them or keep them from worrying. Communicating with them can help you get the help you need. And seek out your campus counselor. That is what they are there for.

So now for those stress-reducing tips…

10 Tools to Manage College Stress

1. Make a "To Do" List and cross things off – this will keep you organized and keep you from forgetting to do something as well as give you a feeling of accomplishment every time you cross something off.

2. Make time to exercise – walk, run, bike, lift weights…whatever you like. Your years in college you essentially have a free fitness membership. Take advantage of it. Physical activity helps burn off stress.

3. Get enough sleep – Sleep and college may sound counter-intuitive, but it’s crucial that your body rest. Without proper rest you won’t be able to focus as well, you will nod to sleep in class and might very well get run down and sick. All things that will add to your stress.

4. Participate in college activities – Make sure you make time for fun and to connect with other people. Join a club, play intramural sports, volunteer, attend a college event such as a concert, play or game. You can find all that your college has to offer on their website or attend an activity. A balanced schedule includes things that allow you to take a break from studying, meet new people and have fun.

5. Quiet time with relaxing music – Sometimes it’s important to just breath and relax and music often helps.

6. Talk to others about what you are feeling – Sometimes it just feels good to vent to share your burden with someone you trust. You can also learn a lot from people who are experiencing the same things as you. How do they manage their stress? Are they also feeling overwhelmed? You will fast learn you are not necessarily alone.

7. Eat healthy – Good nutrition also helps keep your mind sharp and focused. Pay attention to what you are putting in your body.

8. Avoid alcohol and drugs – Substance abuse certainly does not help you stay strong and focused and can quickly lead down a destructive path.

9. Self-Care – Make sure to treat yourself as kindly as you treat others. Self-care is provided by you to Identify your own needs and meet them. This includes being aware of your mental health needs and recognizing if it is time to seek help.

10. Pray – Spend time in prayer with God…you can pray at all times. As you walk to class, as you sit in the library, as you work out, during your quiet time, etc. Share with God all that you are feeling, pray about the concerns you have and what is causing you to worry. Ask Him for the focus you need or the strength to go on. Nothing is too big or small to ask of God. Then as you pray trust that God will see you through and release your anxieties to Him. He loves you and he will help you. It says in the Bible “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

College is an exciting time in life and an important time to maintain self-care and find ways to manage stress. You can do this; however, you don’t have to do it alone. My HopeCoaches are here to listen and help you through this! 

A new school year always brings with it plenty of new challenges and new opportunities. There may be things you are excited about and other things you may be dreading.

Regardless of your circumstances, these 5 goals for the school year are sure to help get you started on the right foot. I encourage you to take your education seriously, manage your workload, explore what interests you and have fun along the way.

In a poll we ran on TheHopeLine.com, we asked what you most want to avoid doing at school this year. More than half of you answered: Slacking Off.

Obviously, you recognize it as a potential problem. So what are some ways you can avoid slacking off, and help make this the best school year ever?

First, it is important to shift any negative perceptions you have about school and try to appreciate it.  I know that may seem hard, but an education is a privilege and learning new things can be fun. Taking your studies seriously WILL prepare you for a bright future.

5 Goals for a Successful School Year

With the right perspective in place, I recommend setting these five goals as the school year begins.

1. Go to class every day and take it seriously.

People who skip a lot of classes, end up skipping life. When you miss a day, or even a class, it's easy to fall behind. Nobody likes to feel like they're behind, or in the dark. It can be hard to catch up and then pretty soon you might just give up. The best way to stay with the flow of the class is to be there! If you have to miss a class, make sure you meet with your teachers to find out exactly what you missed.

April said, "I used to think I was cool for skipping class. Then I realized I was just hurting myself. The temporary fun I had only made me feel worse when I was in class."

Then when you are in class, take it seriously and focus. Don't text, Snapchat, watch TikTok or whatever other distraction tempts you. Take notes during class even if your teacher doesn't require it. This exercise will increase your concentration, and will greatly improve the amount of information you retain. You don't have to write down everything, but keep track of the main points. Write down questions you have, and then the answers to the questions when you get them.

2. Do your homework.

Homework isn't meant to be a punishment, it's meant to help you learn the concepts presented in class. Set aside time every day to work on your homework. This is a great discipline you'll be grateful for. It's easy to get distracted and pulled away from what has to be done, but don't wait until the last minute to finish your work or study for your exam. You'll be stressed out and won't get as much out of what you're working on

Mike said, "I thought only super-smart people could be organized. But it's really simple to just keep track of everything I need to do, in one place. It helps a ton."

3. Ask Questions.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. In fact, teachers like students who are willing to raise their hand and ask for further explanation of something. Believe it or not, most teachers do really want you to LEARN and if something doesn't make sense, they want to help you understand. If you aren't comfortable asking in front of the entire class, stop by after class to talk to the teacher.

Shana wrote, "At first I didn't want to ask for help. But when I realized the teachers appreciate it when we make an extra effort, it makes class so much better."

Don't be another one of those students that just tries to get by. The whole point of learning is to develop knowledge about things you don't know. On top of that, everybody processes information differently. So if you feel like you're not catching something, or missing some details, it really is quite normal. It does NOT mean you are stupid. Your teachers, or even tutors, are there to help you. Don't wait until too late to get help.

4. Explore and try new things.

Use your time in school to explore various interests you might have. Maybe you've been trapped in the path of just doing sports, but you'd like to try something in the music department. Or maybe you've always loved science but decided to try a literature class and love it. View this as a great time to test out different activities and subjects you've always wondered about.

5. Make a commitment to reach out to others.

It can be extremely stressful worrying if you'll have any friends, or if you'll be alone and not able to blend in. This is especially true of students who are enrolling in a new school. Believe it or not, 1 out of every 4 people is new at your school this year. That means there are plenty of people who are facing the same kind of fear and stress that you are.

Stephen said, "One of the hardest things for me is to be alone at school. It can feel like everyone is talking about me, or worse, ignoring me."

Look for the people who are usually sitting by themselves in the lunchroom, in the library, etc. They are probably just hoping and waiting for someone to talk to them. Reach out to them, find out who they are, and what they like to do, etc. Don't be afraid of being too aggressive. You will discover your new friends sooner than you think. Taking time to reach out to them will go a long way in making the school year great for that person, as well as yourself. Check out this TRUE story about what happened when someone was brave enough to say hello.

You Can Do This!

Commit to these goals because how this school year goes academically is really up to how much time and effort you put in. Believe in yourself. You can do this! And as you meet some of your realistic goals for each class you will get a lot of personal satisfaction.

Remember, it's up to you to decide what kind of school year you're going to have. This much we do know, having a great education greatly increases your chances of being successful in life. Make the most of it while you can.

If one of the challenges you face at school is making friends, please read my post on How to Make Friends.

What to Know About Bipolar Disorder

I’ve noticed something when it comes to bipolar disorder and other mental health diagnoses: there’s a lot of misinformation out there.

Whether you have a loved one with bipolar, or you have a recent bipolar diagnosis, knowing the facts can help you find healthy ways to cope and avoid harmful thoughts and behaviors.

Here are some things I’ve learned about bipolar disorder that I hope will encourage you and give you more confidence as you build your support system.

It’s Not Just Being Moody

It can be very discouraging when people are dismissive of your struggles with mental health. Bipolar disorder is not just “being moody” or experiencing mood swings during a stressful day. It’s far more intense than typical ups and downs, and it’s not something you get over after a day or two.

The changes in mood, sleep patterns, or behavior experienced by someone with bipolar are much more extreme and seem out of character for them. There are also multiple types of bipolar, and everyone experiences their symptoms in a unique way.

If you aren’t sure about your symptoms, talk to your doctor. They will help you find the right diagnosis, which is key to planning the right treatment.

The Tough Times Will Subside

The symptoms of bipolar can be intense and difficult and can seem to come out of nowhere. But it’s important to remember that people with bipolar are not always depressed, and periods of mania won’t last forever. Continuing to seek treatment and taking any medications as prescribed will help to relieve and manage symptoms.

Beware of “Cures” for Bipolar

Some of the most dangerous myths about bipolar involve “curing” symptoms without medication or other treatment that doctors recommend. It’s great to stay active and eat healthy, but that’s not sufficient for the severe symptoms that come with bipolar disorder.

People may also suggest prayer as a cure. Focusing on your faith is certainly not harmful, but our faith and actions should work together to help us get better. No matter what well-meaning people suggest, follow the treatment plan recommended by your doctor and mental health professional.

You Don’t Need Bipolar to Create

While many artists and creative people have bipolar disorder, don’t mistake the symptoms of bipolar for creativity. You don’t need to be struggling and suffering through out-of-control symptoms. You can care for yourself and nurture your creative spirit at the same time.

You Are Not the Only One

Because of the ups and downs of mania and depression, I understand why you’d feel all alone if you’ve been diagnosed with bipolar. But there are millions of people who know how you’re feeling. In the US alone, at least 2 million people have been diagnosed with some form of bipolar disorder. It is possible to have a sense of community and to live a happy life with bipolar disorder. You just need the right support.

When bipolar gets tough, TheHopeLine is here to help. Reach out to a HopeCoach anytime by chat or email to start the conversation. We’re here for you, and you’re not alone!

If you or someone you love may be dealing with mental health issues, you may find something in our resource library to help. Search our podcasts, blogs and e-books with your questions about mental illness.