When I say the word “grief” what comes to mind? Chances are, a time of sadness after losing a loved one, friend, or family pet to death.

But death isn’t the only difficult life event that causes grief. There are other situations you may experience that can bring on the same types of feelings, without someone passing away.

While understanding this may not take grief away, it can help you know how to get help with the complicated emotions you’re feeling so you can find healing and recovery during grief a bit easier.

Grief and Loss Go Hand in Hand

When I was learning about grief, I realized that you could feel grief anytime you feel like something important to you has been lost. Some of the most difficult times you might experience grief (other than someone’s death) could include:

Losing a Job: After losing a job, it can feel like you have lost everything you’ve worked for, and that no one else you respect and admire will hire you. Many of the feelings you have after losing a job due to firing or layoff can be helped with grief support.

Fighting with Someone You Love: Fighting with a close friend or someone you’re in a relationship with is devastating, and it can be easy to feel like things will never be the same. The feeling that your life may be permanently changed for the worse is a big part of grieving, and it needs special care and attention.

Ending a Romantic Relationship: Breaking up is one of the hardest things we go through while we are learning what we want and need from relationships. Even if you broke up for good reasons that protected your heart and safety, you will still feel a sense of loss and emptiness after the break-up that may require a helping hand.

Divorce: The end of a marriage, whether it’s your own or your parents’ is traumatic and painful. It is a type of loss that alters our life and grieving after divorce is a healthy and normal part of healing after the marriage ends.

Pregnancy: While pregnancy is a joyful time for many, some women and those close to them experience grief before, during, and after a pregnancy. This could be due to feeling like you’ve lost part of yourself when becoming a parent. Or it may be hard to accept the circumstances that caused the pregnancy. Whatever the situation, there are people who want to help.

Body Image Issues: Many men and women struggle deeply with body image issues, either because their body changes or because they are in recovery from a food addiction or eating disorder. It may feel like you’ve lost control over your body, or you’ll never have the body and health you used to. It’s important to know that you are not by yourself in this struggle.

Grief is Universal

No matter what the situation that is causing you grief, I want you to know you are not alone in your feelings. The Bible tells us that even Jesus wept and grieved for people he cared about and situations that troubled him. If God Himself grieves, He can help you get through whatever loss is causing you grief so that you can find healing.

And there are always people who care and who want to help. Whether it’s a prayer partner or a mentor, there is always someone who can listen, support you, and offer you guidance to heal during grief. Please know that whatever you’re going through, I am here for you and praying for you to find the strength and peace you need to get through this. If you need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Have you ever asked the question, "Why Is Life So Hard?". Find the answers in this guest blog by our friends at EveryStudent.com here.

Maybe you’ve got a tough relationship with your parents. Maybe you’ve recently been through a breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and it still stings.

Whatever your relationship challenges are, I know it can’t be easy to hear people talking about “letting go” or telling you to “forgive and forget.”

You may not feel like you’ll ever be able to let go. And in a sense, you’re right. The pain others cause us is something we carry with us throughout our lives, even if the intensity fades some over time.

How or why would you want to forget the situation that caused you so much pain? You need to keep past experiences in mind in order to make wise relationship choices in the future.

But you’re not stuck. Because God’s forgiveness can help us even when moving forward after being hurt in a relationship seems impossible.

God Forgives More Than We Know

A search through your Bible shows you some amazing things about God’s forgiveness.
One of my favorite passages about forgiveness is found in Psalm 103:
“Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins?
and heals all your diseases. . .
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
Be encouraged: God’s forgiveness is enough to forgive all our sins and to separate us from what makes us stumble. His love is so great, along with his power over sin, that we don’t have to struggle to forgive people on our own.

How to Ask for God’s Help Forgiving Others

If we ask God for His help, and for His forgiveness to be front and center, our emotions don’t have as much control and we are able to move toward greater freedom from the pain in our relationships.

Praying about relationships is one of the best ways to get God involved when you’re working on forgiveness. Even if you struggle with belief in God, the act of prayer opens a lot of doors. If you struggle with prayer, asking someone to pray for you or to pray with you can have a big impact.

Talking to a pastor, priest, or other spiritual leader you trust can also help you work on forgiveness in a way that makes sense for your spiritual needs.

What if I Don’t Feel Like Forgiving?

Sometimes forgiveness can seem like it’s a cop-out, but there’s good news here. I realized some time ago that true forgiveness doesn’t mean I’m okay with being hurt. It doesn’t mean I have to like what was done, or even that I need to have warm feelings toward the person.

I just need to decide that I don’t need payback or revenge against that person in order to be fulfilled. True forgiveness is a way of letting go of that person’s power over me, and focusing my energy on relationships that are giving and nurturing.

Be patient with yourself as you learn to forgive others. It’s definitely a process and an ongoing decision we have to make (sometimes daily). If you’re not sure where to start, try saying something like this in prayer, or even just to yourself as you prepare for your day: I want to forgive this person, and I will try my best. I will ask for help with forgiveness when I need it. You may be surprised how much a mindset shift like that can help you forgive others who have caused you pain in difficult relationships.

If you’ve been making efforts like these for a while but feel overwhelmed by pain and still need help with forgiveness, you’re never alone. We are here to listen and offer advice when you need it, and you are in my prayers each and every day!

Are you having a problem forgiving yourself? Read this eye-opening guest blog from our friend, Amanda Turner here.

How Shame and Guilt Differ

There are times when I make mistakes in my relationships and think, I really should have listened more. I should have been there for that person. I need to remember next time to ask how they’re doing, instead of just launching into a story about my week.

But occasionally, my thoughts or actions toward someone will really throw me off. I’ll spend days thinking, how could I have done that to them? What kind of person am I? Will they ever forgive me? Is this even something I should be forgiven for?

When I feel guilty, I can see where I went wrong and be motivated to fix it. When I feel ashamed of myself, things turn inward. It’s not just that I made a mistake; it’s that I am a terrible person.

There are two powerful feelings at play here, and I need to know how to manage both with faith and kindness toward myself.

Know the Difference Between Shame and Guilt

Guilt and shame are two emotions that often show up together, but they affect us differently, and they require different responses of us.
Brene Brown, psychologist and author of Daring Greatly, explains it well:

“Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.” Guilt: I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake.”

When you say or do something you regret, notice how you feel. Do you want to right the wrong? If your focus is on acknowledging and changing a behavior, you are responding to guilt. If you can’t get past how terrible you are for hurting someone, you are stuck in a shame loop.

No One is a Mistake

I know the feeling of being “beyond repair” when it comes to my flaws and shortcomings. But it’s just a feeling. However strong it seems at times, it isn’t the truth of the matter. The truth of the matter is, no one is a mistake.

Every one of us is made in the image of God, the Creator of the Universe. God has done a lot of things, but He has never made a mistake.

Not to mention that he can help me turn things around in my relationships. If it’s His power I’m relying on, I can change.

You may not feel like you can ever get it right with others on your own strength, and that may be true! But with the love and grace of God helping you, you can change and let go of whatever is holding you back, and whatever is weakening your relationships.

If you struggle with your feelings about God, or your belief in God, that’s okay. It doesn’t change the fact that He’s there for you, and wants to help you be freed from your shame. Something as simple as saying a prayer, or asking someone to pray for you, can turn things around in ways you never expected.

Shame Can Be Overcome

Along with striving to keep the faith, there are other things you can do to overcome shame:

Shift your focus: The next time you make a misstep in your relationship, take some time to process it. Ask yourself: what can I do to be a better friend for this person? Ask them the same question. Moving your focus off yourself and to your loved one will go a long way, because you’re no longer feeding shame and other self-focused emotions.

Ask for help: Letting people know that shame is a struggle for you is a great way to make sure you don’t get stuck in feelings of shame.

If you’re not comfortable talking to your friends and family yet, we have amazing mentors who are not afraid to talk about shame, and can help you make a plan to counter shaming thoughts with healthier thinking.

I’m glad you’re making an effort to work through your feelings of shame. Know you’re not alone and that we have all struggled with shame or guilt. The good news is, there is always hope!

Have you ever blown it so bad that you can't forgive yourself?  Read this guest blog by Amanda Turner. It will change the negative thoughts you're having on forgiving yourself.

Have you ever woken up and immediately felt irritable, anxious, or sad about the thought of going back to work or school. You’re not alone. I have definitely gone through seasons of my life where I was overwhelmed by stress.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned along the way that help me get my peace of mind back when it gets stressful.

Starting Off With Gratitude

Gratitude is one of our most powerful weapons against stress, anxiety, and other things weighing on our mind. Mental health experts have found that a simple gratitude practice, like thinking of things you’re thankful for, or remembering 5 people you love, can change the way our brain is wired. Anxiety may always be a part of your life, but it has less power over you when you keep gratitude front-of-mind.

Prayer Helps Everyone

Prayer and meditating on God’s love for me is something that has helped me time and time again when I’ve felt stress creeping in. I try to start each day with some short prayers to thank God for another day of life, to ask for His help getting things done, and to ask for His protection as I go about my work.

If I am dealing with someone who has a difficult personality in the course of my work, that certainly doesn’t lower stress. But the more I pray for that person and for peace in that relationship, the less of a grip I find that it has on me.

Minimizing Caffeine

Many of us love nothing more than to start off the day with a delicious cup of coffee. But if you notice your physical anxiety symptoms are hard to control, your doctor or therapist may suggest scaling back on caffeine to see if that helps your body feel calmer.

If reducing caffeine intake doesn’t help, try some deep breathing exercises. If you’re experiencing such strong physical stress that it’s making you ill or unable to get things done, it’s time to talk to a physician to see if there is a medication or other treatment that may help.

Reaching Out for Support

I know work and school can get stressful. There are few things more draining than feeling stuck in a stressful situation you feel like you have to be in, especially if you have a mental health diagnosis like anxiety or depression. It can be hard to feel like anything is working, or that anyone truly understands what you’re going through. When I have those feelings, I know it’s a signal from my heart, mind, and spirit that I need to reach out to someone I trust for some guidance and support.

You may try talking to a friend or coworker you trust, or making an appointment for counseling. But if it seems like working itself prevents you from going to those appointments, you’re not out of options.

If you’ve tried everything and still feel overwhelmed, it doesn’t have to be that way. We are here to offer prayer support anytime. Our mentors can also provide a listening ear and help you develop stress management techniques that you can use to cope with stress.

Do you ever have panic attacks? Read my blog on what to do if you're having a panic attack here. 

I pray that you’re able to find some peace of mind soon. No matter what, I’m rooting for you!

If you have ever struggled with anxiety, you may have experienced a panic attack. These attacks can seem powerful and even out of control.  No doubt they can be scary to experience.  Psychology Today describes a panic attack as "an abrupt surge of intense fear or intense discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes. Its symptoms include sweating, palpitations (racing heart), shortness of breath, trembling, dizziness, tingling, chills, etc."

Panic attacks can be caused by many different things. Distressing memories, intense feelings or regrets. Stress or worry causes swirling, uncontrollable thoughts. Flashbacks associated with trauma. Nightmares. These are all very real issues that can bring on panic attacks.

While panic attacks are very real and incredibly uncomfortable (to say the least), I want to remind you that they are not harmful to your physical health and each attack will come to an end.

However, if you are looking for a way to help cope with panic attacks and alleviate some of the extreme feelings, grounding techniques have proven effective for many people.

How to Ground Yourself During a Panic Attack

What is Grounding?

Grounding exercises bring your attention back to the present by connecting you with the physical world around you and causing you to focus on something you can touch, hear, smell, taste or see.

Since grounding can involve any of your five senses, the options of how to ground yourself are endless and you may need to experiment with different suggestions to see what works for you. Our basic human senses remind us that we are here, and that we are safe.  You will need to discover what works best to bring you back to the present and allows you to calm down. There is no right or wrong method. It’s all about what connects you.

So, I want to provide you with a list of ideas to get you started.

I heard from a lot of people to come up with this list and I must say it’s as diverse as those who contributed. Sometimes two ideas even directly contradict each other which just goes to show that grounding is customizable to YOU.  The common denominator is that grounding involves using one of your senses to connect you back to the present and pull your panic into check.

Pick a couple of ideas from this list that you may be comfortable trying and write them down. Having a variety of options may be useful.

As you practice any of these it is important to really think about how what you are doing feels, tastes, smells, sounds or looks like. Pay attention to every detail and describe it.

Grounding Techniques that use Touch

1. Run cold water over your hands, between your fingers, over the backs, cup the water, etc.

2. Rub a cotton ball between your thumb and finger. What sensation do you get? Rub it on your face or arm. How does it feel now?

3. Stand barefoot in the grass/dirt/carpet. Pay attention to how the ground feels beneath your toes.

4. Rub your hands over your legs where you are sitting…back and forth. What do your pants feel like? How does it feel to your hands? Your legs?

5. Wrap yourself in a soft plush blanket and feel the warmth and softness around you.

6. Hold ice packs in your hands touch them to your neck or arms.

7. Run beads/sand/flour through your hands. Touch something with an interesting texture…. feathers, sandpaper, stones.

8. Wear an elastic band on your wrist and flick it gently to you can feel it.

Grounding Techniques that use Sight

9. Pick an interesting object in your field of vision and trace its outline with your eyes.

10. Put ice in hot water and watch how it changes shape as it melts.

11. Look for every object that is blue…every object that is yellow…etc.

Grounding Techniques that use Sound

12. Go outside and describe the sounds that you hear…cars, traffic, birds, bugs, wind, etc.

13. Play calming nature sounds…waves, night sounds, trees gently blowing, etc.

14. Play music…some people find pump-up, rockin’ music grounds them. Others want calming tunes. Really give the music all your attention.

Grounding Techniques that use Smell and Taste

15. Hold a mug of hot tea, coffee, or chocolate. Feel its warmth, smell the flavor, and take small sips and feel the heat and taste the warmth.

16. Suck on a sour candy or peppermint. Think about the flavor and describe it.

17. Smell essential oils such as lavender. Concentrate on the scent.

Grounding Techniques that require Action

18. Take a walk around and think about each step you take.

19. If you have plants, tend to them. Soil can be an actual “grounder.”

20. Color in an adult coloring book.

21. Clap your hands together. Listen to the sound, and feel the sensation.

22. 5-4-3-2-1. Think about:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 Things you can touch
• 3 Things you can hear
• 2 Things you can smell
• 1 Emotion you can feel

23. Write messages on sticky notes such as “I’m O.K.” or “I’ll get through this.”

24. Breathe deeply by taking a slow, deep breath in through your nose moving it all the way into your lower abdomen and then releasing the breath through your mouth. Count as you do this. In 3 out 3 or in 5 out 5, etc.

25. Progressive Muscle Relaxation - It works like this:

• Focus on your left hand, notice how it feels before doing anything.
• Slowly inhale while you clench your left fist into a ball and squeeze the muscles in your hand and feel the tension. Do this for about 5 seconds (really feel the tension, but it shouldn't hurt).
• Exhale while releasing the tension in your left hand and feel the muscles relax.
• Relax for about 15 seconds.
• Move on to your right hand and repeat the process. You can continue to do this as many times as needed with different muscle groups. For example, tense your neck and shoulders by raising your shoulders to your ears for 5 seconds and then completely release your shoulders.  You can tense your eyes by clenching your eyelids shut for 5 seconds and then completely relaxing your eyelids and eyebrows.

Prayer As a Grounding Technique

Prayer is an amazing tool to combat anxiety. Prayer can be similar to meditation. To meditate, you get in a quiet place, find a place of stillness, and focus on one word or one thought, allowing the rest of your thoughts to fade away. It’s taking the focus off everything else, so you can quiet your mind and body. It’s the same when you pray. You are getting in a quiet place, finding stillness, focusing on God and what you are praying to Him about. You are shifting your awareness from your anxiety to God, which calms your nerves and reduces stress. When you pray, you are taking your focus away from your problems and putting your focus on the problem solver.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” I believe God told us that in the Bible because He knows we are going to worry, but yet he tells us to bring it all to him.  The Bible also says, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.” What a promise! By focusing our thoughts on God, which we do through prayer, we will have the peace of God. 
If you've never prayed before, that's O.K. - you can read more about prayer here - How to Pray.

Grounding Tool Kit

Once you figure out what works for you, be prepared to use your grounding techniques when the need arises.  You might even consider collecting any “props” that you may need in a box somewhere that is handy to retrieve when you need them. Likewise having a playlist ready to go is a smart idea as well.

Progressive choices that lead to destruction. 

At work and church, in our neighborhoods and during our daily activities, we all encounter people of the opposite sex who are attractive. That's not the problem. Our selfish choices after the attraction create the problem. Adultery has a progression and most people (even Christians) take these steps before they slide down the slippery slope.

I know, because I chose this path when I left my husband for a coworker named Jake. I know the lies I told myself, the selfish decisions that broke my husband's heart, and the sins I committed. I also know the healing and restoration that took place when I confessed, broke off the affair, and found forgiveness from my husband and God. Although I have healed, there are scars that remain, even 25 years later, so I pray you will learn from my mistakes as you consider these progressive elements of adultery.

Common Steps to Adultery

1.  AN UNGUARDED MIND

This is the "What if..." stage where your thoughts begin to grow unchecked. You find yourself asking questions like, "I wonder if he thinks I'm attractive?" Or you think, "I hope she sits near me during the meeting."

Perhaps you try to manipulate your schedule or activities to create more opportunities for contact. Nothing inappropriate has happened yet, but you think about the possibilities. If you allow this to continue, your emotions will grow, the fantasies will take root, and you'll think about the other person in romantic or sexual situations.

Solution: If an inappropriate thought pops into your head, do NOT allow it to linger. Quickly remove yourself from any tempting situations. Follow the advice in Proverbs 7: 25: "Don't let your desires get out of hand: don't let yourself think about her." Look up Philippians 4:8 and learn how God wants us to think.

2.  AN UNGUARDED HEART

This is the stage where your emotions run wild, and you begin to lie to yourself. (In my case, I told myself I deserve to be happy.) You may start to build emotional bonds with the other person by creating excuses to spend time together. You may try to increase the positive contact and do things to please him or her. For example: If he mentions that he likes red, you may be tempted to wear a red dress or if she talks about a favorite flower, you may want to bring her one.

Solution: Ask the Lord to help you get control of your emotions and to give you a clean heart which seeks after Him. Be deliberate in your walk with God. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded" (James 4:8).

Consider the negative consequences if this flirtation continues: your spouse's pain, loss of respect from children, friends, and relatives, and financial losses. You may need to confess your temptation to your spouse or a trusted friend who will hold you accountable because dark secrets have less power when you bring them into the light.

3.  AN UNGUARDED MOUTH

This step includes verbal flirtations and taking the relationship beyond theory into reality. Perhaps you begin by offering or responding to personal compliments such as, "You are the perfect match for me," or "When I'm with you, the rest of my life fades away."

Knowing that compliments are like magnets, you begin to form an attraction and create a verbal intimacy that includes whispers, code words, pet names, and intimate secrets. This can also include flirtatious or sensual/sexual email conversations and text messages.

The next verbal step is to talk about the "What if...." For example, "If I weren't married, you'd be my soul mate," or "I wish I'd met you before I got married." Jake and I used to play this fantasy game: "If we could run away together, where would we go?"

Then the negative words about your current mate begin:

"My husband treats me like a maid and never compliments me."

"My wife just treats me like a paycheck, and I'm not attracted to her anymore."

"My wife/husband and I are just roommates and if it weren't for the kids, I'd have left years ago."

Solution: Focus on the good things in your marriage and try to compliment your mate at least once a day. Be aware that any emails or texts you send are not really private. If you would be ashamed to have your pastor or mother read it, don't type it. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Eph 4:29). Concentrate on building up your marriage with your words instead.

4.  AN UNGUARDED BODY

This is the step where emotional adultery becomes physical. Some people think that only intercourse defines adultery, but I strongly disagree If you have intimate, sensual contact with someone other than your spouse, it is a breach of your marriage vows. Ask yourself, "If my actions were photographed, would they condemn me?"

I know how exciting the forbidden kiss is and how electrifying the stolen, passionate caress is but I also know how costly they are because I almost lost everything including my marriage. I walked away from my relationship with Christ as I chose to follow my selfish heart into sin. But I, like the prodigal son, came to my senses as I ran back to the Lord and He welcomed me home. Then I begged my husband's forgiveness, broke off all contact with Jake, and rebuilt my marriage. Ron and I now help couples see that no marriage is beyond God's ability to heal.

Solution: If you've already crossed the line, stop all contact with the other person, confess your sin, ask for God's forgiveness, and follow the instruction in Romans 12:1 to "Present your bodies as a living sacrifice to God." Then read and comply with 2 Corinthians 7:1 which says, "Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

Bring your temptation and sin to God.  Here is a suggested prayer:

Oh Lord, purify my mind, my heart, my mouth, and my body, I want to be a clean vessel, always ready for Your use and available to serve Your purposes. Deliver me from evil as I flee temptation and run to the shelter of Your outstretched arms. I want to be holy and set apart for You Lord. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit and empower me to stand strong and bring honor to You and my family. Through the power of Jesus’ name, I ask these things, Amen.

Cheating is one of the most devastating things that can happen in a romantic relationship. For more information and resources visit our cheating topic page.

The pain of divorce and the toll it takes on everyone in the family never really go away in the years following. 

I’ve talked to many people about their parents’ divorce who said, “I had no idea all the ways it would impact my life and my feelings, even years later.” 

But the truth is, divorce is traumatic. No matter how long ago your parents were divorced, you need help and healing to recover from the pain it causes.

Pain Changes Over Time

To understand how adults were feeling about their parents’ divorce, I thought about what happens when we are physically wounded. The way divorce and other trauma affects us can be a lot like how we heal from a wound. 

At first, the pain is very raw, but the way that pain feels changes as time passes and the wounds heal. 

Maybe we feel dull or numb. Maybe it’s a persistent pain that never seems to go away. Maybe we have scars that always remind us, and show others, what we’ve been through. 

Or maybe it hasn’t healed at all, and we can’t figure out why. 

If your pain about your parents’ divorce is so persistent and strong that it seems to take away from your happiness and quality of life, it’s time to get some additional help and support.

Common Feelings of Adult Children of Divorce

I understand that it can be hard to reach out, especially when there are so many feelings swirling around that they’re hard to put into words. I suggest taking some time to think about how you feel about your parents’ divorce. Don’t filter it. Be honest. Do any of these feelings or situations come to mind?

• You can’t seem to shake the guilt about your parents’ divorce. No matter what people tell you, you still feel responsible somehow.
• You don’t feel like you can talk to either of your parents about how the divorce makes you feel, because you don’t want to be a burden to them.
• You feel frustrated that the divorce still bothers you so much, even after years of working on how you feel about it. Your friends whose parents are divorced seemed to get over it faster, and you wonder what’s missing.
• You don’t feel comfortable talking with one or both of your parents (even about day-to-day life), because they always seem to overshare about the divorce or speak negatively about the other parent.

If you need to, take some time to meditate on your feelings and see what comes up. When I struggle to put my feelings into words, I find that spending time in prayer and pouring my heart out to God are great ways to be more in touch with my feelings in a way that feels safe to me.

Understanding Your Emotional and Spiritual Needs

Whatever you feel about your parents’ divorce, I’d suggest asking yourself an important question: what do I feel like I need from my relationship with my parents that seems to be missing as a result of the divorce?

I find that when people in my family have been fighting, I’m often left feeling isolated from them and afraid to talk to them. I need to know I can be myself and be honest about my needs for love, affection, and quality time. 

But I’ve also had to understand that there are certain needs in my life that no one person can fill, no matter how close we are. In those times, I know I have to rely on God to fill the holes left from painful experiences in my life. Don’t forget just because you have a hard time knowing how to talk about your parents’ divorce doesn’t mean you have to deal with those feelings alone. We are here for you to listen to you, pray with you, and help you put your feelings into words so you can build stronger relationships with people you care about. Healing from divorce and its pain is possible, and we will do our best to support you every step of the way.

What has been your experience?

Why Do My Grandparents Want Their Money Back

Rebecca moved far away from her family for a new job. Her grandparents loaned her $1,000 to help with her job transition. The money was for her rent deposit and some living expenses incurred before her job started. Now, her grandparents want their $1,000 back.

If only it were that simple. Rebecca has really been through it since moving! Her car was totaled by a drunk driver. Later, the driver died by suicide. Then she had health issues arise from all the stress. Now, she has an $11,000 hospital bill which doesn’t include physical therapy expenses.

Her grandparents don’t understand how difficult this is for her and are very angry with her. They want her to be closer to home. Rebecca says, she could have a better paying job but not sure if that’s what God wants her to do.

How Do I Forgive Myself

Rebecca wants advice on: What she can do to forgive herself for what she’s done to contribute to her financial disaster. She also asks, should she distance herself from her grandparents while still maintaining her obligations?

She's Too Hard on Herself

Rebecca’s being too hard on herself. She’s gone through so much and is stable. She has another vehicle and has a new job on the horizon. She has a lot going for her. Her grandparents may want her back living where they are, or they might just be fearful that they are never going to get their money back. Rebecca does need to communicate with her grandparents and let them know what her plans are.

Peer to Peer: Message of Hope for Rebecca

Ann called and encouraged Rebecca to trust God through all of what she’s going through; to trust God with her grandparents and her job and all her worries.

Stop Blaming Yourself, Trust God

Ann said as she listened to Rebecca’s story, she kept thinking about Proverbs 3:5-6. Sometimes you have to surrender it all and you have to trust God. Give your grandparents and the job to God. Ann had a situation in her life where she prayed about moving to Texas and God said to go. She arrived in Texas and there was no job but then 3 days later, God had another job for her. Even that job was temporary, but every time one door closed, He opened another door. Ann says to trust God and put Him first. She tells Rebecca, stop blaming yourself, trust God! Trust God to show you where to go and who to talk to. God is going to take care of your grandparents and take care of everything.

Meditate and think on Proverbs 3:5-6:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”

What advice would you give Rebecca?

Have you ever had a financial disaster? Or taken a loan from a family member and not been able to pay it back when they wanted it back? Maybe you’ve even been the person who loaned money to a friend or family member. If you have insight into Rebecca’s situation, would you share in the comments below? What you have to say could be the encouragement Rebecca or someone else needs to find hope in their journey.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Rebecca’s really been through a lot, but Ann’s advice is spot on. She needs to trust the Lord. Rebecca had a setback in her life but she’s fighting through it. She’s pursuing a new job, trying to make a plan to pay back her grandparents, and is praying for guidance from the Lord. We will all face challenges and adversity in our lives but if we can get to the point of trusting God, even when we don’t comprehend and understand it all, then that’s where God can work. He will pick up the pieces and help us to get on the right path. May God’s will be done in Rebecca’s life and in yours!

Resources for Hope and Forgiving Yourself 

Check out my blogs:

• How Can I Find Hope?
• Finding Hope Amidst a Health Crisis
• Should I Forgive Myself and if so, How?
• Who Does God Say That You Are?

Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

There have been plenty of times I’ve messed up in my friendships, in my marriage, or with people at work. Often, after a difficult conversation or interaction with someone, I get that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can sometimes get stuck in a rut of asking why things went the way they did, or what I could have done differently.

Can you relate?

Feeling guilty can get overwhelming. It can make us fearful or insecure in our relationship if we’re not careful about how we discuss and manage our emotions.

Guilt is a tough emotion. But there’s good news amidst difficult situations that make us feel guilty. Sometimes guilt can be good for us.

Understanding the Purpose of Guilt

Emotions are not wholly bad or wholly good. It all depends on how we express them, how we manage them, and what we learn from them. Guilt is no different.

When I remember why guilt happens, it can help me feel better about having a healthy amount of guilt.

Guilt can provide us with an emotional signal that something we have done or are considering doing goes against our beliefs and our conscience. When you feel guilty, ask yourself:

• What situations make me feel this way?
• Is there something about how I responded to this person, situation, or conversation that made me go against my conscience?
• If so, how can I learn from that and make a better choice next time?

We all mess up from time to time. The trick is understanding why those mess-ups happen and making an effort to do better next time.

Remembering God’s Forgiveness

When I have felt trapped by an overwhelming sense of guilt, it can sometimes turn into more negative emotions that take a toll on my self-esteem. That’s when I have to stop and remember: God loves me, and his love is unconditional.

When I come to him in prayer about my sins and my struggles and ask Him for help to change my heart and mind, He works in amazing ways. God forgives me, God heals me, and God gives me the courage to admit to others where I’ve gone wrong, and ask their forgiveness, too.

What to Do if You’re Bogged Down by Guilt

Even if you spend time in prayer whenever you feel guilty, and even if you make an effort to understand your guilt, it’s not going to disappear overnight. And depending on how long you’ve let guilt take control, you may feel like you need help getting out from under it.

I understand. In times like that, remember: you are not perfect and you don’t have to be. No one who loves you expects perfection from you. And many times people are more forgiving toward us than we realize or expect.

If the situation that caused your guilty feelings just happened, or caused a lot of hurt to someone, it may take time for them to feel comfortable opening up to you again. But that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. Give them time and space to cool off and figure out how to talk about their feelings. In the meantime, try to spend time with other people who can strengthen and encourage you.

Don’t forget to talk about how guilt makes you feel with mentors, your pastor, or anyone you trust. Putting things into words is an important step toward finding the clarity and guidance you need to break free from overwhelming guilt. And you’re never alone in your feelings. There are always people who want to support you, people who know just how you feel and want to provide a listening ear to help you understand and learn from your guilt. We can get through this together!

Is the shame of guilt making you feel worthless? Learn how to silence the shame here.