Life can be difficult and saddening. Whether you’re grieving, dealing with a tough relationship, or just feel like you have the blues, it’s easy to feel weighed down. I can remember many times when I felt isolated, ashamed, or lonely and had a tough time tracing it back to a specific cause.

Sometimes that feeling of heaviness can last for a while. But how do you know if you’re just having a bad week, or if there’s something more going on? What shifts our mental state from “feeling blue” to a depression diagnosis?

What are Your Symptoms?

First, it’s a good idea to know some specific clinical depression symptoms so you can be more aware of when you’re experiencing them.

• Feeling sad, weepy, or empty (and often unable to explain it)
• Significant weight loss or gain within the last month that seems unconnected to dieting
• Insomnia or sleeping too much
• Thoughts of death, dying, or suicide
• Plans of suicide
• Losing interest in or not enjoying your favorite activities
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Feeling guilty without reason
• Feeling worthless

Along with showing specific symptoms like these, people with diagnosed clinical depression experience them regardless of circumstances in their life.

If your symptoms are so strong that they negatively impact your life (your grades, your work performance, or your ability to get out of bed or get moving in the morning), it’s definitely time to seek help.

Another way to recognize that yours are depressive symptoms is knowing how often they occur, and how long they last.

If you’ve been experiencing 5 or more of these symptoms almost every day for 2 or more weeks, it may be time to visit a doctor for a mental health screening. Depending on your diagnosis and the severity of your symptoms, any of several solutions might be recommended.

What are Your Options?

Talk Therapy: Discussing depression with a mentor, therapist or other mental health professional is a great way to understand why you feel the way you do and to make a plan for managing difficult thoughts and feelings.

Medication: Medication can help manage the physical side effects of depression and other mental illnesses. If you’re prescribed medication, it’s important to take it exactly as directed and not start (or stop) without a doctor’s supervision.

Nutrition and Exercise Plan: Sometimes what we eat, and drink can affect our energy levels, which might impact depression symptoms. Your doctor or nutritionist can help you plan meals and snacks that work best for you.

Prayer: Faith is a great way to remain strong and hopeful when struggling with depression.

What’s the Next Step?

While everyone’s experience of depression is a little different, there’s always hope. You don’t have to receive a formal diagnosis to get support when feeling isolated, lonely, or sad.

Understanding depression is tough. But managing it (and living a healthy, happy life) is possible. Especially with people in your corner. We are here to support you, pray for you, and cheer you on every day. You can reach out; we’ll be here as soon as you do.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Giving Thanks Increases Happiness

Let’s be honest. Sometimes life is really hard. We feel broken, lonely, shamed, hopeless. It’s hard to find the positive in anything. And why should we even bother to try? Everything is just messed up. But what if we made a point to find SOMETHING to be happy for. What would happen to us?

Trust me, I’ve had my share of trials. Did you know I have a son who was in a car accident in his early twenties and now lives in a nursing home because he had a traumatic brain injury? It’s sometimes hard to “look on the bright side.” I get it.

But here’s something to consider, research has proven that intentionally giving thanks for things in your life, even in the tough times, increases your happiness by twenty-five percent! Now tell me, who doesn’t want to be twenty-five percent happier?

Research Proves You Can Be 25% Happier

In a study done by Emmons and McCullough, they asked some of the participants to maintain a journal recording things for which they were grateful and a separate group of participants to record things they found annoying. When the results came back they found that participants in the group monitoring things for which they were grateful had significantly higher levels of well-being than the others. It turns out that practicing gratitude increases happiness, optimism, and satisfaction with your life by approximately 25%.

It makes sense. Whatever you wire your brain to focus on is going to directly impact how you feel. Emmons says. "When you express a feeling, you amplify it. When you express anger, you get angrier; when you express gratitude, you become more grateful."

Practicing Gratitude

So how do you go about “practicing gratitude”? It could be as simple as making a point every day to stop and find at least one thing to be thankful for. And don’t convince yourself there isn’t even one thing to be thankful for because there always is. If you are choosing to not find even one thing, then you are essentially choosing unhappiness. That is your choice. But if you want to try to find happiness look around you.

Perhaps the thing you are thankful for is as simple as…

• My favorite comfy sweats
• That person who held the door for me when I was shopping
• The warm shining sun
• Singing with the radio
• TheHopeLine

Here were some things I found to be thankful for in the midst of my heartache for my son.

• He receives great care and is loved by many
• We can still share a laugh together
• He often gives me a big thumbs up
• I am still able to host my radio show which I love
• And my list could go on…

These are a start. A start to training your brain to look for something good. I know it doesn’t make the bad go away, but your attitude will start to shift.

You can also practice gratitude by keeping a journal and documenting things to be thankful for. This is a great tool to go back and read when you are feeling down.

Further Research: Helping Others Increases Morale

The study also found that grateful people stop focusing so much on their pain and problems, and rather start to see how they can help others in distress. It is a great morale booster to take your eyes off your own problems and focus on helping others.

If you need some help to get started with how to give back, we’ve come up with a list of our Top 10 Ways to give back. Click here to view the list.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). God knew that life on earth wasn’t going to always be easy once sin came into the world, but he also knew long ago, what researchers have just recently proven…that if we continually give thanks through it all, we will make it through the tough times and find happiness.

What can it hurt? Give it a try. Give thanks!

There Is Hope for Depression

Overwhelmed and Depressed 

Have you noticed there are many people who struggle with deep emotional issues? They are often sad and miserable and can stay that way for months, even years. These people are depressed. Depression is described as a prolonged unexplained sadness which affects everyday life.

If you are depressed, you may feel trapped beneath emotions of overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. Maybe you lack the motivation, energy, and strength to face life’s many challenges. The good news is there are many people who have won this debilitating emotional battle.

Join me as I talk with Samantha, Melissa, and Cody each who are in some way seeking to cope with their depression. I’ll also speak with Dustin who is creatively reaching out to people he knows are depressed.

Emotionally Exhausted

Samantha is 17 and just transferred to a new school. She knows a few people but can’t play sports and feels she can’t be herself. She just reunited with her real dad and her stepfather doesn’t know.

Most who are depressed are carrying too heavy of a load and over time become increasingly drained and weary. Because they are downhearted, it is difficult for them to identify what’s depleting their emotions. It’s like their emotional batteries are slowly but surely being drained.

Samantha has big issues draining life from her. She needs to identify and prioritize big things that are pulling her down. For example:

• She transferred to a new high school. That would be a big adjustment for anyone, let alone someone at 17 and in their senior year.
• She loves sports but can’t play them this year because she changed schools.
• Changing schools would be more than enough but there’s more going on in her life. She just reunited with her birth dad and her stepfather doesn’t know a thing about it.
• To make matters more complicated, she doesn’t get along with her stepfather. In fact, they hardly ever speak.
• She feels it’s her against the whole family.

Samantha has been hit with a double whammy, a lot of stress at her new school, and family pressures at home. No one should have to face that kind of exhausting stress. Is it any wonder she’s depressed? Samantha needs to turn to God like she never has before.

Only He can give her the energy she needs to face her challenges. My prayer for her is as she reaches out for help, God will replenish all she has lost and more. He said in Jeremiah 31:25: “For I will refresh the weary soul and replenish all who are weak."

Depression Setbacks, Don't Give Up

Melissa’s been dealing with depression for about 7 to 8 years now. She was getting better but now is going downhill, since her therapist was murdered.

In any situation, where a person needs to change, there will be setbacks and even major roadblocks. In Melissa’s case, she was starting to make progress. Her counselor was truly helping her but then shockingly, was murdered. Now, Melissa wants to give up and throw the progress she has made away. Melissa should ask herself what would her therapist, if he were alive today, advise her to do? No doubt would say, “Hang in there, don’t give up. If you were making progress before, you can make it again.”

It’s God, who can reach down in Melissa’s life and give her the strength to seek help once again. The Bible says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b My prayer for Melissa is although there have been tears, even weeping, joy will come into her life, the kind of joy only God can give.

Worthless, Rejected and Depressed

Cody says he does alright fight the depression back for a little while, but it always comes back. He’s felt a lot of rejection in his life.  He first was rejected when he was 8 and his mom left him with his aunt. He doesn’t want to keep fighting and keep trying to prove he’s worth something to somebody. He’s tried to kill himself before, but his sister kept him from it 2 or 3 times.

As in Cody’s case, sometimes you get to the point, where you just have to hang on. You tell yourself, I’m not going to quit, no matter how hard it is.

Cody needs to give himself a break. He has a core belief that he’s worthless. He’s been blaming himself for this depression since he was a child. His mother, in her own dysfunction, helped drive that lies deeper into Cody’s heart by abandoning him when he was but 8 years old.

Feels Like He Doesn't Belong

Now, after all this time, Cody feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere. Add to that heartbreaking issue, Cody also has financial problems which seem more than he can bear. He feels like a broken man and will need every bit of courage to overcome what has been pounded into him.

He already tried to kill himself and has thought about it a lot. Suicide is not the answer. Instead, may he find the victory over the dark clouds and may God touch his life and heal him.

King David cried out to God at moments of despair. He said, “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.” (Psalm 69:1-3) “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)

There is hope! If you are depressed, there are people God has put around you who will help you!

Letters Helped Others with Depression

I got the chance to talk to an amazing, inspirational guy, Dustin. Dustin’s friend lost her brother in a car accident, so Dustin wrote her what he calls, “feel better” letters. When she got depressed, she could read one of the letters and feel better. Dustin has now written over 100 encouragement letters for others dealing with depression.

Dustin has his own struggles. He’s been homebound for 6 years because he has Ehlers–Danlos Syndrome where the collagen breaks down in the body and the joints won’t hold together anymore. Instead of being bitter towards God about his own struggles, he’s reaching out to others. What a powerful example he is. People who are depressed and reach out to help others find a whole new energy.

Did Today’s Episode on Depression Get You Thinking?

Jesus Christ said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28)

I have to say it again. If you are depressed, there is hope!!! God is near to those who are crushed in spirit. He wants to heal your emotions. God wants to help you and He has put people around you to help you. Ask the Lord for help and strength and then look around and see who God has put in your life to help you. Also, check out our many resources for help with depression.

Resources for Help with Depression:

• Check out my eBook: Understanding Depression.
• Check out: Verses of Hope When Struggling with Depression.
• Check out my blogs: Feelings of Depression, To Those Who Feel Worthless, and How Can I Find Hope?.
• Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Are You Trapped in a Cycle of Emotional Abuse from Parents?

Overwhelmed by the Verbal Abuse

The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Trying to Avoid the Conflict with Parents

Lance’s parents get angry at him for stupid reasons. They call him names and he says, “It’s getting stupid.” Lance gets so stressed by his parent’s abuse, he forgets his responsibilities and messes up even more.

Like Lance, most victims of verbal abuse feel put down, afraid, hurt, angry, confused, and helpless to do anything about the situation. In this case, Lance tried to get away from the abuse by hiding in his room, trying to avoid the conflict.

The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. The Bible does not mince words when talking about a destructive tongue. It says, “The tongue is a fire. It is full of wrong. It poisons the whole body. The tongue sets our whole lives on fire with a fire that comes from hell.” James 3:6 In spite of this graphic description, the verbal abuser seldom understands or cares about the havoc he or she is causing. Most are full of rage and have no idea the damage being done.

Lance is afraid of his parents. They use vicious words to control and hurt him. Lance is stressed at what his parents are doing which causes him to forget what they are trying to say. It’s a vicious cycle. They verbally abuse him, he stresses out and forgets what they require of him, so they abuse him more. Then he forgets again, they get angrier and lash out.

Minimizing the Emotional Abuse

On one hand, Lance understands they hurt him, on the other hand he minimizes what they are doing to him. I challenged him to get out of the house and he responded by saying, “Their good parents besides that.” Just because they are good parents the rest of the time, doesn’t change the fact that their verbal abuse is horrific and causing incredible damage. It’s like someone who has been beaten within an inch of death to say of his attacker, “It’s okay that he almost killed me because most of the time he’s really nice.”

Lance doesn’t have an advocate or someone to help him with his problems. His abusive parents have beaten him down and he doesn’t know what to do but just knowing someone cares will help him tremendously with his tragic situation.

A Father Full of Rage and Verbal Abuse

Sarah is in a very difficult situation. She and her sister are in the car, with their father for 10 minutes, twice a day, to and from school. Their father is extremely angry. He’s full of rage because of the divorce and who knows what else. Attacking the girls verbally is irrational but in some ways it must make him feel better, even though he’s doing great harm to his victims.

The wise King Solomon has given incredible advice to someone who is forced to be around another one full of rage. Solomon’s advice is to go soft and quiet when an angry person acts out. He said in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”

When Sarah becomes gentle and humble with her words, she can help soften her father’s harsh and angry words by not letting him get her upset. After a while, the father will run out of things to say. He will see love and wisdom demonstrated during their drives to and from school. God’s love is powerful. It can do some amazing things, even turn Sarah’s father into a changed man.

We all ought to pray for Sarah because she needs tremendous patience. With it her soft approach will help change her father’s attitude. Solomon wrote, “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15

Stuck in an Awful Predicament of Abuse

Tameka’s father has been emotionally and verbally abusing her for 6 years. He calls her names and puts her down every day. Tameka feels she can’t take it anymore and is starting to break down.

Tameka is stuck and needs help to find a much better situation. She needs to get away from her abusive father. The Bible tells us about King Saul, who was David’s mentor but also his authority figure. Saul had the right to put David to death and anyone else under his dominion. Saul fell away from God and was determined to kill David because he was jealous and hateful towards him.

David had to go to someone who could protect him and that someone was a man called Samuel. Samuel was a powerful man. He was both a prophet and judge over all of Israel. The Bible goes onto to say, “When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there.” 1 Samuel 19:18

Tameka, like David, is under the authority of her father. Before attempting to leave her horribly abusive situation, she needs to hook up with safe people who will protect her. She definitely needs our prayers for strength and courage as she reaches out to others.

Let us all pray, God will change Tameka’s father, so he will turn from his vicious ways. The Bible says, “A worthless man digs up evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Proverbs 16:27 May God stop him in his tracks, may he turn to Christ to forgive him and find a whole new life of love and support.

Did Today’s Episode on Abuse Get You Thinking?

Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support that will help them heal. If you have been verbally abused, I want to encourage you to go to a place called TheHopeLine Prayer page. There you will find encouragement and prayer that will start you down the road of healing. Our hearts are with you. God says, “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” Psalm 102:17

Resources for help with EMOTIONAL and VERBAL Abuse:

• Check out my eBooks: Understanding Hope, and Understanding Forgiveness, and Understanding Self-Worth.
• Check out my blogs: Hope for the Abused, What is Verbal/Emotional Abuse?, and What is Abuse?
• Check out this story of hope: I Hated My Life…Your Show Saved me!
• Need to talk about verbal abuse in your life? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on depression. In this episode, I speak with Samantha who finds herself emotionally exhausted. I also get a chance to talk with Melissa, facing a serious setback after her counselor is murdered. Then, I realize that Cody has a core belief, he’s worthless. Lastly, Dustin shares how even though he’s got some debilitating health issues, he’s reaching out to people who are depressed and encouraging them. From this episode, I hope you gain encouragement and are able to get help by learning from other’s experiences.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
- Dawson

Feeling Alone can be Overwhelming

Loneliness can lead to a lot of other issues; such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Girls Don’t Seem to Like Her

Amy wishes she had girlfriends to go out and have fun with. When she’s not with her boyfriend, she’s at home by herself. She says, girls don’t seem to like her. Amy is asking the question, why? Why does she lack meaningful relationships, especially with other girls?

It’s a challenge to maintain long-term relationships. We live hurried, busy lives and don’t always take the time to develop them.

We get prideful and don’t want to appear like we need others. Sometimes we don’t know how to find and keep deeper relationships. Or it’s easy to take offense or decide we are better off without people in our lives.

Afraid to Reach Out

Many times, when we ask, why am I lonely? We already know what the answer is. The challenge is it’s too emotionally risky to solve the problem. Most people know what to do, they just don’t know how to do it or they are not willing to pay the price to remedy the problem. What are some reasons people are afraid to reach out?

• Pride – Amy doesn’t want to look like she’s trying too hard to make friends.
• Fear of rejection – you have to put yourself out there and you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.
• Confused about how many friends you really need. Amy is thinking about a lot of friends but one friend at this point is really all she needs. Most people only have 2 or 3 really close friends anyway.
• It’s hard when you’re lonely to think that other people around you are lonely too. Some camouflage their needs really well. It’s not like they have a sign on their forward that says, “Talk to me I’m lonely.”
• Some people don’t understand there are sacrifices to developing new relationships. Amy may have to cut back on her time with her boyfriend to take the time to make friends with other girls. It’s worth it but it’s not easy.

Show Yourself Friendly

Amy needs to put aside her pride and be willing to make the first move toward gaining a friend. She needs to begin to show herself friendly. She can’t just wait for friends to come to her. This means she has to set aside time to get to know other people. She’s going to have to get out of her comfort zone and do activities with people other than her boyfriend. Amy has the tools to do this and with God’s help she can.

Grief and Loneliness 

Tim was an only child and both of his parents died. He said they were very poor but he never lacked for food or clothes, his parents took good care of him. It’s been 5 years since they died. Tim works in the oil field and makes good money but the girls he’s dated think he’s gullible and lonely.

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies. Sometimes through no fault of their own, the very people who would help fill the gap of aloneness are snatched from them. Grief and loneliness can come hand in hand.

Tim has really been through it…losing both parents can be devastating. Ye he’s the only one who can make the changes in his life that will help develop deep, important, and potentially long-term relationships with others.

Tim, however is constantly reminded he’s all alone. He’s had shallow relationships with girls who don’t care about him. At the same time, he’s observing others who are enjoying the good family life. So, what hope does Tim have?

God’s Help for Loneliness

He needs to remind himself how God helped him when he was very young. The same hope he had as a child when God put the food on the table from a very poor family is still available to him now. That same God who helped him back then, can and will help him again with his fears and loneliness. King David wrote, “The steps of a man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the LORD is holding his hand. I once was young and now am old, yet never have I seen the righteous abandoned or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:23-25

The good news for Tim is he already has a relationship with God. He speaks of God’s provisions but it’s hard for him to apply that to his feelings of loneliness. As Dr. Billy Graham once said, “Nothing dissolves loneliness like a session with God’s Word.” Tim needs to seek the Lord with all of his heart and then friendships and relationships will fall into place. Jesus said, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33

Be a Good Friend

Rebecca is feeling lonely and wants more friends. She has 2 friends at school, but they are in different classes, so she doesn’t see them much.

Rebecca needs to understand this is not a little thing we are talking about. God’s will is for her to have friends. If God wants us to have friends, then he will make the way for us to find them.

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

God’s going to help Rebecca. Part of His plan is found in Proverbs 18:24, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” As I mentioned to Rebecca, if she is a good friend and shows others she’s approachable, then people will want to be around her.

Shared Experiences

One key to making friends is shared experiences. This is why teammates can become so close as well as roommates, coworkers, and people into the same interests. They share experiences together and get to know each other while doing similar activities.

Rebecca needs to find a group to join; whether it’s a club, team, community service group, study group, or youth group. This way she can get to know people through shared experiences. Meaningful relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

God does not want us to go through struggles alone. He wants us to have friends, who will stick with us through thick or thin. Proverbs 12:12 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

A friend can make all the difference in your life whether you are going through a really hard time or you are doing well. A true friend, as the Bible says, can stick closer to you than a sister or brother.

My prayer for you is that you will find the right kind of friends and they will help you and you will help them and you will have a much richer life. God bless you as you seek to find those friends.

Resources for help with LONELINESS:

• Check out my eBooks: Understanding Loneliness and Understanding Friendships.
• Check out my blogs: 10 Tips to End Loneliness, Just Say Hi, How to Make Friends, and 9 Tips for Being a Good Friend
• Check out this story of hope from Leigh who struggled with loneliness: Isolation.
• Need to talk about loneliness? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on verbal abuse in the family. The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

I remember many years ago, reading an article about condoms. There was a big debate at the time as to whether condoms would slow down the sexual revolution and really have sex safer. There was a quote from a Catholic priest which I'll never forget. He said, "I'll believe in condoms when they come up with a condom for the heart."

We live in a time when condoms are thrown out into the crowd, telling you if you're going to have sex you simply have to protect yourself. But I have yet to find a condom for the heart. When I say heart, I'm talking about your deepest emotions, the way you look at yourself, and how you feel about the one you love.

No Protection for Regret and Broken Hearts?

I have talked to hundreds of people who cannot erase the regret and pain that has been brought on by having sex with their boyfriend, girlfriend or even a stranger. This is a pain that no condom can ever protect you from.

• Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STDs, and regret stay.

Everybody is looking for someone who will love them unconditionally. Sex alone will not fill that void. In fact, casual sex will just leave you empty, but wanting more, making the ache deeper and deeper. Julianne says it really well: Why have sex over a feeling that can come and then go. Sure, sex is fun and a thrill, but the heartache and worries are NOT WORTH IT!! Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STDs, and regret stay.

No Protection for Being Used

Condoms can't protect you from confusing love for lust. Lucy commented about having sex for the first time at age 13, and the attachment she automatically felt for the guy. She said: When this happened, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I lost something I will never be able to get back. I was so madly in love with this guy, had such low confidence, and was willing to do anything to keep this guy in my life. Having sex was what he wanted, and all he wanted. We did not use a condom, and surprisingly, it was not my biggest regret. I was used, and then dropped. I am still not able to get over this guy. We don't talk anymore. He hates me. Sadly, I'd still do anything to be close with him again. I wasn't ready and now I'm so emotionally attached.

Tragically, Lucy still does not understand she is set up for more hurt if she goes back to this guy. Because, like all of us, she has not found a condom for her heart. She is playing with emotional unprotected sex.

Anthony admits that guys don't have a condom for their heart either: Me and my girlfriend were going out for about a year and a half when we had sex for the first time. Every time after that all she wanted was sex. I didn't want to but I thought I loved her so I gave in. When she thought she was pregnant, things went downhill. Good thing for us she wasn't. When we broke up she thought that I was using her for sex when I never really wanted to.

Condoms also cannot prevent you from feeling cheap. Mandi shares how she carries a lot of the heaviness and shame that came from having sex: I dated a guy who told me he loved me, and how wonderful things would be. He forced me to have sex and then broke up with me. I felt so ashamed for going out with him and didn't understand how he could do that. I felt like it was all my fault. My self-respect was lost. I felt like no guy would ever really love me.

No Protection for a Ruined Reputation

Condoms don't protect your reputation. When Tiffany was 16, she had already had sex with ten different guys. She painfully explains her situation: After the third guy I was really wanting to kill myself because all the guys in my town were calling me the town ho, but I just wanted to get pregnant so someone would love me. Well, I did get pregnant. But after the guy found out he beat me up, and, like he was trying to do, I had a miscarriage.

Too bad Tiffany didn't have a condom to protect her reputation, but there's no such thing.

No Heart Protection

All of these stories prove a point. Condoms only do what are they are designed to do and that is to help with birth control and protect from STDs. Sometimes they fail even doing that. But they are not designed to protect your heart from being broken with irresponsible and uncommitted sex. Until you find a partner who will stay committed to you for the rest of your life, you will always experience the pain and regret of a heart without a condom.

Please leave a comment if you have a similar story that can help others make wise choices. 

Cutting is an addiction that is hard to overcome. There is nothing quite like it. Most cutters would say they don't want to kill themselves, they just like the sight of their blood, and the high it brings. Andi said she's been cutting for a year and a half, even though she doesn't remember why she started:

Hours locked in the bathroom at home, or on the floor of a dirty bathroom stall, the cutter carries her precious tools with her wherever she goes ready at any time to take matters into her own hands. To relieve the emotional pressure and pain she can't describe, she resorts to slicing into her own skin. The dripping blood reminds her she's still alive. No one to talk to, she settles for self-injury. The blade is her fake friend. The shame and the scars, her constant companions. Just trying to find her way through the rocky road of life, she can't help but turn inward.  I don't want to be anything but compassionate toward someone caught in the struggle of cutting. But I also want to expose the destructive consequences of cutting.

Paralyzing, Emotional Pain

No one cuts to end up paralyzed in her own emotional pain. But somewhere down the road, that's where she finds herself.

Someone wrote and told me that after the high of cutting wears off, you are left with even more pain. "I quit the cutting because someone once told me the truth, that you only forget about your emotional pain for a moment. It's like a drug you come down from it and you feel much worse than you did before because you have to deal with the emotional pain that comes from cutting on top of whatever emotional pain you were already feeling."

Dara said she cut for two years, but still carries the weight of the emotional pain with her. "A couple of minutes of relief are not worth the months of hiding and uncomfortable situations when people find out."

People who begin cutting are convinced their self-medication works. It is a shattering experience to find out later on, not only does it not work, but it is extremely emotionally destructive.

A Body Full of Scars

One has to wonder how many countless hours and strategic ways cutters use to hide their physical scars...permanent reminders of their tragic mistakes. Eddie started cutting when he was twelve. "I thought it was for me to take all my anger and frustrations out on myself, but I noticed the scars it leaves will always remind me of my mistakes."

Sidney is 14 and has been cutting since she was nine. "Those scars are there forever and every time I see them, I'm going to be so sad about why I [cut]." 

Not only are you left with scars for the rest of your life, but it's also very possible to get infections from cutting with something that is dirty or not sterile. It is also extremely possible to misjudge the depth of a cut, actually requiring stitches or even hospitalization. You can pass out or even bleed to death. You don't want to die, I'm sure of that. Let's face it, cutting is a scar-giving enemy, who will constantly remind you of a dark past no one would want to repeat or remember.

A Sick Web of Addiction

Most cutters never intend to become addicted to it. Liz said, for her, cutting was worse than drugs because she wanted to do it all the time. You don't care where you are...it's almost like you can't go on without it.

Cutting can easily become a compulsive behavior, meaning the more you do it, the more you feel the need to do it. Your brain starts to connect the false sense of relief with cutting. The next time you feel the pressure building, your brain craves this relief.

The urge to cut can seem too hard to resist. Your attempt to feel a sense of control over your life has ended up controlling you.

JS commented about how all through high school she would try to stop, but then would go back to it shortly after. "Then I would feel horrible when I finished cutting. The highs weren't lasting as long and the crash was even worse. So, I began cutting more, deeper, and more frequently. Being very interested in psychology I knew the chemical reasons, but I was already hooked and couldn't stop."

You know I care about you very much...enough to tell you the truth. But let's get down to it. If you are a cutter, it's time for you step back and take a good look at what you're doing to yourself. It's time to tell yourself the truth. It's also time to figure out how to resist your urge to cut.

Are you addicted to cutting?

• Does the cutting actually help you deal with the emotional pain you're going through, or does it just cover it up?
• Do you feel more worthless the more scars you see on your body?
• Are your friends worried about your cutting?
• Do you spend large amounts of time trying to hide your cutting?
• Have you told yourself you want to quit, but can't?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you or someone you know, needs to read, How to Quit Cutting for Good.  It could be a life-changer.

For help with cutting and information about our partner that specializes in self-harm recovery read: 5 Things to Know About Door of Hope

Emotional Stuffing, Misplaced Anger, and Rage

In This Episode:

I’m glad you are listening to this podcast dealing with anger. Everybody struggles with it: you, me and the guy down the street. That’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Built Up Resentments

Evie’s mom is a quadriplegic from a car accident that happened when Evie was 4 years old. Evie hasn’t had much of a childhood and has a lot of built-up resentments. Evie’s been forced to take care of her mom practically her whole life and is constantly reminded of her very difficult predicament. She feels alone and isolated. She feels her situation is keeping her in bondage, with no freedom in sight.  So, to make up for the pain and her sense of powerlessness, she’s turned to anger. Her plan has been to take her anger out on herself and others. That’s called misplaced anger. But that does not work. It fails her every time and leaves her sad and even more frustrated.

Find the Positive to Deal

Evie, however, is doing some positive things to help her cope. She writes music, poetry and spends time in nature. She’s trying to deal with her issues in a healthy way but in the end, her coping mechanisms are not enough. She needs to understand what she’s going through from a whole different perspective.

King David suffered from many heartaches, like abandonment, loneliness and other deep emotional issues. Yet, he kept his faith in God. David let God help him change the way he viewed his life. David was able to turn from feeling sad to glad by praising God for what He had done. David said in Palms 40:3, “He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.”

There is no way Evie can get over her anger without God. She needs something miraculous to happen. With God’s help, she can transform the way she looks at her life. She can turn from anger and resentment to praise and hope.

Taking Anger Out on Everybody Else

Donald is having anger problems. His friends can be joking, and he can get angry one minute and then be happy the next. Donald said, “When my temper flares up, I lose what I’m doing and start taking my anger out on everybody else.” I encouraged Donald to visit a doctor to see if he needs medication. Seeking professional opinions can help and it doesn’t mean we are a failure. Seeing a psychiatrist is not a death sentence. They have been able to help millions of people get relief.

Part of the reason, Donald is struggling is because he’s an emotional stuffer. Instead of releasing how he feels in a positive way, he buries them. Therefore, the emotions have no place to go. Stuffing them can cause him to carry around emotional explosives which can be triggered by just about anything.

Find a Trusted Person to Talk to

Donald needs to find ways to express his feelings in a positive way. One way is to talk out how he’s feeling and not just act like everything is okay. He needs to find someone…a friend, a minister, a counselor, a trusted family member to talk things out. He also needs to discuss issues he has with others as they happen and not wait until he can’t handle the emotions anymore. For example, if someone close to him hurts him, he needs to go to them and discuss how he’s feeling instead of ignoring it.

The Bible tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. We need to quickly stop from being angry so that we don’t let anger control our lives. As you read the Bible, you will find strength and encouragement and it can be a powerful outlet to your deep emotions. The Bible has a lot to say about anger and the emotions that feed it. King David wrote, “Refrain from anger and abandon wrath; do not fret--it can only bring harm.” Psalm 37:8

Remember God wants to turn our anger and fretting into peace and love! The choice is ours!

Afraid to Get Out of Control

Matthew gets irritated and frustrated over little things. He says in the past, he’s gotten out of control and he’s afraid he might be getting to that point again. For example, wanting to throw the coffee table across the room.

Matthew has developed good insights into himself. He can see he has used anger to make up for the powerlessness he feels. Anger has become his protector but has its disastrous results. He wants to stop his anger from getting out of control. He understood what I was saying, “If you don’t do something about it, it will do something about you.” Anger is like a bad habit; it just grows and grows until disaster strikes.

Find a Place to Get Help

Part of his problem is he doesn’t know where to go to get help. He will have to be proactive to find the help he needs. He needs counseling which can help him discover the roots of his anger. He needs a whole support team around him to help him when he feels that rage. Church can be a great place to find help and a support team. He’ll have to be persistent to find a church which will help him. He needs to know; God will help him in getting down the road to freedom from anger and rage.

The Bible says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:31

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps, this episode has caused you to examine your own anger. If that is true, may I suggest a simple prayer that could change your anger problems in amazing ways.

Dear God, I submit myself to you. I don’t want to be an angry person. Help me so I don’t let the sun go down on my anger. I want peace and calm in place of anger. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I trust you to help me with this issue in my life. Thank you that you are going to change me into a whole new person as I seek and obey you! Amen.

May God give you the courage and love that we all need to face anger and other hurtful emotions. It can be a long journey but one we must take. God bless you!

Resources for help with ANGER:

• Check out my blogs: What is Anger?, Why Do We Get Angry?, How to Manage Your Anger, and Using Your Anger for Good!
• Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled with anger: I Feel 100x Lighter, and My Night Started with Cutting.
• If you are dealing with anger, you might have someone in your life you need to forgive. Here’s some resources for just that: Blogs: What is Forgiveness?, How to Forgive, and our eBook: Understanding Forgiveness.
• Looking for a counselor? Our partner, Focus on the Family, offers a free one-time consultation for Christian counseling services.
• Need to talk about anger? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine prayer and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on loneliness. Feeling alone can be overwhelming. It can lead to a lot of other issues, such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson
 

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Even before you begin to date, there are some questions you need to ask yourself and then answer which could save you from a lot of pain, heartache and relationship disasters. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Unrealistic Expectations

Dustin met a girl on a dating website. Dustin soon realized he has too much going on to date a girl who lives 2 hours away. Plus, he’s not attracted to her but he’s still dating her.

In my conversation with Dustin, it became clear he had unrealistic expectations about what dating could do for him.

• Dustin should have asked himself am I genuinely attracted to this girl or am I settling for less, just so I can be in a relationship?

If you are dating and realize this person is not the one you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. Sometimes we attempt to keep the relationship going when we should have ended it. Dustin went into the relationship with high expectations, even though she didn’t meet them, he kept dating her anyway. What a mistake! Dustin is settling for a girl he’s not attracted to, just to be in a relationship.

• Dustin should also have asked himself, “Do I have enough time and emotional energy to give to the relationship?”

Dustin isn’t in a good place to start a relationship. Why is he even looking for someone right now? He has too much on his plate already. It should be a clue he’s not ready to seriously date. Successful dating relationships take time and can’t be pushed, manipulated, or made into something it’s not. Dustin was trying to force a relationship with her even though she wasn’t the right girl and it wasn’t the right time.

• Dustin should have asked himself a very direct question: “Am I looking to this girl to make me feel complete?”

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

No woman is going to make Dustin feel whole for very long. A true spiritual and emotional completeness comes only from a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. His love never fails us. His wisdom is beyond our wildest imagination. His plans for us are always the best. King David, a great king in the Bible said, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalm 7: 4-5

God knows our desires and knows what we need, who else can helps us like God? We are easily fooled but God is never. If we seek Him with all of our heart, all our other desires will take care of themselves.

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Blake and his girlfriend jumped into dating way too quickly. It became physical even though neither of them intended it to be.

• Blake should have asked himself, “Is this relationship spinning out of control?”

Don’t let the powerful feelings of false intimacy, stirred up by the misuse of sex, fool you into thinking you have an awesome relationship. In reality, you don’t! It’s just a matter of time until the whole thing will fall apart. That’s what happened to Blake.

They weren’t even friends and didn’t know how to fix it. Sex was a cloud over their relationship that kept it from growing and led it to be out of control. Don’t let that happen to you!

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Jessica blew my mind. Here is a young woman who has dated over 150 guys in one year. She said she’s the epitome of a relationship disaster.

• Jessica needed to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

She has developed a full-blown addiction to guys. She keeps going with a different guy nearly every night but it doesn’t work. She always comes up empty and yet craving for more. She’s turned guys into a god. There’s no way these guys could ever meet her needs. She’s looking to them to do for her what only God can do.

Carousel of Heartbreak

Don’t ever let someone you are dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. One could date a million guys, still come up empty and still trapped on a carousel of heartbreak. Only Jesus Christ can rescue Jessica from the blinding, cruel carousel. The last thing she needs to do is go after one more guy. She needs a whole new personal healing. She needs to put first things first and get her life out of reverse. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

My hope is you will continually ask yourself important questions and be honest with the answers. Be very careful before starting to date because you could end up with scars God never intended you to have. With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience and that is my hope for you.

Resources for Relationships:

• Check out my eBooks: Understanding Dating, Getting Over a Broken Heart, Relationship Advice for Girls, and Relationship Advice for Guys.
• Check out my blogs: 8 Signs Your Dating Relationship is Unhealthy, Stop the Heartache – 4 Things to Avoid, and It Felt So Right.

• Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
• Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
• Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on how to deal with anger. Everybody struggles with it, you, me and the guy down the street and that’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!