Troubles at home? Have a plan.

If you have spent any time reading my blogs or listening to my radio show, I hope you know, beyond anything else, that I care deeply for teens and young adults. I have made it my life’s work to share the message that there is HOPE no matter what struggle you may be facing. I want you to know that your life matters, people do care and help is available.

Because we want to be sure that every teen and young adult gets the help they need, we partner with many other organizations. We know we can’t help every hurting teen and young adult on our own, but together we are stronger and we can reach more people.

One of the organizations we have partnered with is Safe Place They are a national program for young people who need immediate help and safety. I share their Text4Help information on my radio show. Take a listen.

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/Dawson+National+Safe+Place.mp3

If you or anyone you know ever needs to get out of an unsafe situation, you can text the word “SAFE” to 69866 and within seconds you will receive the address of the closest Safe Place.

Every year 1.6 to 2.8 million runaway or homeless youth live on the streets. TheHopeLine® and Safe Place simply want to give these teens a safe place to go.

Here’s how Safe Place works:

Safe Place designates businesses and organizations within a community as Safe Place locations, making help readily available to youth across the country. Locations include: libraries, YMCA’s, fire stations, public buses, various businesses, and social service facilities. Safe Place locations are designated with this sign.

And remember you can always text SAFE and your current location to 69866 to find the location nearest you.

Step One – A young person enters a designated "Safe Place" and asks for help.

Step Two – The site employee finds a comfortable place for the youth to wait while they call the licensed Safe Place agency.

Step Three – Within 20-30 minutes or less, a qualified Safe Place volunteer or agency staff member will arrive to talk with the youth and, if necessary, provide transportation to the agency. Going to the agency is not required and is voluntary. The choice is yours.

Step Four – Once at the agency, counselors meet with the youth and provide support. Agency staff makes sure the youth and their families receive the help and professional services they need.

There are many difficult problems that teens face in their life that may cause them to seek a safe place such as: abuse, neglect, family troubles, dangerous dating situations, bullying, homelessness, drug abuse, etc.

If you find yourself in one of these situations, you have some crucial decisions to make. Unfortunately, many times to escape one bad situation you can end up in another by making dangerous or unwise decisions. That is why I promote Safe Place. They will help you navigate your next steps in a safe environment before you end up in a worse situation. You deserve a chance to work through your problems with the support of a caring adult.

Your safety is of utmost importance, but running away carries a whole set of issues on its own. Issues you need to think through.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I have a place to stay?
• What about school? Would I continue to get an education?
• Am I going to be gone awhile or coming back in a few days?
• What would I do for money? Shelter? Food? Transportation?
• Who can I depend on if I leave home?
• Do I have a safe, solid plan?
• What is my plan B in case my first plan doesn’t work?
• What have I done to make things better at home?
• What can I do to make things better at home?
• Who have I reached out to make things better at home?

You are not alone as you make these decisions. Stay safe and don’t hesitate to Text4Help or Chat with TheHopeLine®.
Remember – there is HOPE.

Check out the sites of our partner organizations:
Safe Place - https://nationalsafeplace.org/
National Runaway SafeLine - https://www.1800runaway.org/
Covenant House - https://www.covenanthouse.org/about-homeless-charity

Let's Be Honest, Military Relationships Are Tough

Maybe when you first fell in love you did not know the military life would be in your future, but here you are anyway. Either you or your bf-gf is enlisted, and it is really hard on your relationship right now. If you are looking for some specific ways to survive military deployment read this blog

Do you agree with Ashley that a military relationship can work?

Ashley wrote: "The military life is a hard one, but if you love someone enough then it's not hard to be faithful. Many people just assume that the military is full of cheaters or that the spouses back home are unfaithful! I can name PLENTY of faithful couples that are military. It takes a special kind of person to be a solider and a special kind of person to be a military spouse."

We get a lot of calls from people who are in a relationship with someone in the military, so I've asked Captain Mike Jones to join me on these next few blog posts. Mike is a former US Army Captain with two tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was also the co-founder of "Not Alone," which was founded to empower military families and give soldiers, veterans and those who love them a central resource for free, confidential information, support and access to healthcare professionals." ("Not Alone" is now a part of "Centerstone Military Services")

Dawson: Many of the calls we get are from spouses and girlfriends (boyfriends too) with concerns about how the military is going to affect their relationships. Some are afraid of the unknown as much as anything else.

Do You Feel Like You Are Living in Two Different Worlds?

Mike: Fear of the unknown is very common. The military is like an alternate universe existing right in middle of normal America. They have their own cultural, values, and ways of doing things. They even have their own private language. AGR stands for Active Guard and Reserve, AIG stands for Address Indicator Group, and ASOC is the Air Support Operations Center. There are 690 other acronyms, and that's just the A's. Then there is all the unofficial terminology (military slang). Also, the way things are done at first can seem bizarre and without common sense. But trust me, everything (and I mean everything) is the way it is for a reason. One part of that fear spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends feel is that the ones they love are entering a world so different from their own, and they're not sure how they will continue to relate to one another. Two people in two very different worlds. Will they still have enough common ground?

Dawson: I guess the strength and the depth of that common ground has a lot to do with the impact of military life on a relationship.

A Strong Foundation Will Become Stronger

Mike: Absolutely. Not all the stories are not horror stories. Some of the greatest marriages and greatest families that I know of are those of military personnel. But I will also say that the military, particularly the deployments and the stress of combat, will reveal what's really there. If two people have a solid foundation of love, trust, and faith, then military service with all its difficulties can make it stronger. If those things are weak or superficial, it will reveal that too.

Dawson:  Sometimes the concerns of our callers are not about what they don't know but what they do know the things they have suddenly come to realize. It's not unusual for some to throw in the comment: I didn't sign up for this!

Mike: I've heard that same comment many times. Military service can be extremely demanding on a soldier's time and emotional focus. The first and foremost concerned of the military is the mission. It's not that the command structure unconcerned about anything else, but the mission comes first. Marissa Boote, a paralegal whose husband joined the Army, said that same thing when she realized how much the Army would control their lives, I didn't sign up for this!

Dawson: It seems that military service is something both people in a relationship need to sign up for emotionally.

You Can Survive and Thrive

Mike: It only takes one to sign on the dotted line, but you're right. Everyone in a military family serves and sacrifices in their own way. It would be wrong to assume that one person could do their thing in the military, while the other continues to do their thing in the civilian world unaffected. So, yes, the solider and spouse need to sign up together to serve their country. That is a part of the foundation that is going to enable their relationship to survive and thrive.

Dawson: So, what do you see as the upside to joining the military?

Mike:  There are lot of benefits recruiters will tell you about such as college tuition, seeing the world... that kind of stuff. For me the most important things are personal. It makes you a better person. It brings out the best in you. The very best part is the camaraderie. You become part of a family of men and women who pay a high price to serve and who would give their lives for one another. Those kinds of relationships in that kind of setting will definitely change you.

Dawson: The way you describe being part of (another) family might seem a little threatening to a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend. One goes off to the greatest experience of their lives and they build these deep relationships apart from his/her spouse. That's what many are afraid of, heading off in different directions.

Mike:  Yes, but is doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Spouses enter that new world of relationships and camaraderie as well. Like I said, both sign up, one as a soldier and the other as a military spouse. If two people can embrace the difficulties, dangers, and crazy lifestyle of serving their country in the military, their relationship can grow, and both be better for it. Those who have done so would not have it any other way.

Additional resources for military relationships:

• How To Survive Homecoming
• The Dreaded Deployment

For more help, please visit our partner resource, Centerstone Military Services.

For additional support for PTSD check out our topic page for resources and more!

Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?

It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.

Can You Relate to Caroline?

Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real.  You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.

Caroline described her self-hatred like this:  I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.

So why do people hate themselves?

We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.

Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen

When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.

Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Rejection or Abandonment

Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.

Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.

Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.

Negative Self-Talk

Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.

Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.

The Fight Against Self-Hate

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.

I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.

So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.

Anger is a very powerful emotion that can take over your life if you let it, but you don't have to let it control you. Most people who feel angry just don't have any idea how to deal with it.  All of us at one time or another comes up against anger.  I asked those that listen to my show to share their experiences with anger and I received a huge response.

What Anger Looks Like

McKaela commented: When I finally snap, I just scream and throw things around. It may sound childish but it's my only way to vent without hurting the ones I love.

And sometimes we even turn to addictive substances to numb our intense feelings. Sara wrote: When I get angry I tend to lash out and drink at home.

Drizz wrote: I get angry at almost everything, to the point where I want to hurt someone badly (mainly the person that brought my anger out). In fact, anger is the only real emotion that I feel.

Drizz, McKaela and Sara have each come to the point where anger has become the controlling force in their lives. In the midst of rage, it's hard to believe you have any choice in the matter.

This is how Monica feels. She said: I get angry very often. And quite frankly I don't know how to deal with my anger. I bottle it up inside and every so often it all comes out, usually on a family member. I yell and hit. I try not to, I honestly do, but rage just beats the fact that I love them. So I lash out.

Lashing out might seem like the only option. The truth is you do have the option to not let anger take over. So what is a better way to deal with your anger? How can you stay calm when you feel like blowing up, raging, or acting out?

Try These 3 Practical Ways To Manage Your Anger

Identify what makes you angry and turn away, before the anger takes over.

Kyle wrote: I know how easily I get angry and so I can usually tell when things are going to get too bad, so I usually just get out of the situation beforehand. Kyle's on to something here. Here is aware of his own emotions and what triggers the intense anger. He is choosing to turn away before his anger hurts him and those around him.

Talk it out.

Call up a friend and ask for help. Talk to someone you trust about these intense feelings of anger, what triggers it and what you can do about it. Talking things out with a friend who cares will really help. Anna wrote: When I'm angry it helps when I have a conversation with others and they tell me about their problems and issues, so it calms me down and lets me realize everyone makes mistakes and they too deal with anger everyday.

Do something productive.

Don't just sit around and think about how angry you feel. That usually makes matters worse. Change your environment. Come up with something productive you can do when you feel angry. Haley wrote: When I get mad I clean, sing, or write.

Here are some more great ideas for how to manage anger:

Logan wrote: The best thing in my opinion is working out - it's a good way to channel your anger into something productive.

Kaley wrote: I go running, with really loud music.

Linda wrote: Riding my horse and caring for my horses keeps me centered and balanced. I am a much better person because of them.

Sarah wrote: I take a walk in the woods with my dogs and take pics with my cam - helps me every time.

Brenda wrote: I read, listen to music, and journal my feelings out, I trust God's help to get me thru things and handle my emotions better.

Emily wrote: I breathe and count to five and use my words instead of my fists. Superior intelligence beats superior strength any day.

Kaitie wrote: I write music with lyrics on how I'm feeling at that moment. I also talk to friends or meditate.

Hanani wrote: First, I pray about it. Second, I dance. Being a dancer, that's one of the ways I best express myself. Third, I don't dwell on the issue. I do things to help myself calm down so that when I have to think about the issue, I don't blow up anymore.

Cory wrote: I love to dance when I'm mad, or listen to music, and most the time when I am mad, I love to write about it, in poems or in a journal.

Dance, run, turn up the music, journal, or meditate. You can beat the anger and you will feel better, much better.

Did you know that violence in teen dating affects 1 in 3 adolescents in the U.S.? This is NOT okay. It's important to be aware of these 8 signs of an unhealthy relationship?

Dating Violence - 8 things that are NOT okay in Dating Relationships

I ask myself – how can this be that one in three teens is being violated physically, sexually or emotionally in a dating relationship?

I think there are a number of reasons why.  Often the abuser in the relationship starts off being very smooth and charming and the other person is taken in by this.  

I describe this behavior in my call with Nicole. Take a listen:

Other times the abused partner suffers from low self-esteem and convinces themselves that they are in love.

However, I wonder if most of the time teens and young adults simply don’t know how to recognize abuse. Perhaps some are willing to accept behaviors from their boyfriend/girlfriend that are NOT acceptable simply because they don’t know things can be different.

Maybe you have been there. It’s your first dating relationship. You’ve never really been “in love” before, so you think your bf/gf's behavior is normal. Or you’re willing to make excuses for them because you like being “in love.” Or you think you can change them. I understand how this can happen, so I want to help you recognize abuse before it's too late.

The truth of the matter is that people with abusive tendencies don't change too quickly, and you deserve SO much better and better is available.

I have talked to many teens who regret things they’ve done in relationships simply because they didn’t know any better.

Here are 8 behaviors that are NOT acceptable in a relationship.

1. Insulting you, putting you down, or hurting your feelings with their words.
2. Disrespecting your opinions or thoughts, making you feel dumb or worthless
3. Isolating you from friends and family by controlling whom you are “allowed” to talk to and convincing you that your family and friends aren’t good for you.
4. Controlling you…telling you where you can go, whom you can see, and how you can spend your money, etc.
5. Blaming you for their abusive actions…making you feel like it is your fault they say mean things or are physically rough with you.
6. Physically rough. While you may know that hitting is not appropriate, neither is pushing, grabbing, pinching, hair pulling or any other physical touch that makes you feel uncomfortable or scared.
7. Forcing sexual activity of any sort. If you are not consenting to the sexual activity, it is abuse.
8. Overly jealous. Spying on you or checking in on you too much. Reading your texts or stalking your social media. Accusing you of cheating or flirting with others when you are not doing anything wrong.

Listen to this call from Jared whose girlfriend helped him realize his overly jealous actions were abusive.

https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/thehopeline-media/JARED+Tulsa+OK+-+Abusive+Dating+Relationships+100216.mp3

Relationship Spectrum

For a complete relationship spectrum from healthy to unhealthy to abusive relationships check out this Relationships Spectrum from our friends at TheHotLine.org.

If you feel you might be in a dating relationship that is abusive, but you just aren’t sure, feel free to leave a comment below or chat with one of our HopeCoaches on TheHopeLine.

And remember there is always HOPE. You are not alone. You can escape abusive relationships and heal from them.

There are people who will help you and God is on your side.

The Bible is the Living Word of God. This means that it is as relevant today as it was in the time it was written. The Bible is how God communicates to us, and if we don’t spend time reading it, we will miss out on so many important things that God wants us to know. If you have ever asked yourself how and why to read the Bible, the answers are below.

The Bible is the oldest historical book on record and yet it still speaks to our concerns and issues today and provides great insight, wisdom and truth for how to live our lives. It contains hope-filled promises from the one true God about how much He loves us and will take care of us if we call on Him. This is why it is the best-selling book of all time.

A Bible for Everyone

As you begin your new life with Jesus, you will want to hear from Him each day by reading His words written for us.  If you don’t have a Bible, you can find one on-line or download the Bible App to your phone or tablet here:  Apple or Google Play
The app and website both contain many translations of The Bible and Bible reading plans to help you along!

Set Aside Time Each Day

The way to spend time with God is by reading and studying the Bible. Everything that was written in the Bible is there to teach us. Not only does it educate us, but it also offers us hope and encouragement as we patiently wait for God to fulfill His promises. As believers, the more we spend time with God in His word, the more we will grow in our faith and build our trust in Him. This works in much the same way as spending time with our friends. The more we put into our friend relationships by listening to them and talking with them the more we grow to know and trust them.

In fact, research shows that if you read the Bible four times a week you will see major changes in your life. Here's an example, out of 40,000 people polled when they read the Bible four times a week loneliness dropped by 30%!  Watch this short video to hear other major impacts on the lives of those who read the Bible four times a week - The Power of Four

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4

God’s Word Lights the Way

Here's an analogy -

There are two paths you can chose in life. One path is really difficult. It’s surrounded in darkness, and it’s very rocky. If you choose this path, you will stumble along in life, tripping, squinting in the dark, and struggling the whole way.

The other path is difficult too. There are some really big inclines and declines, but the path is lit up for you. As you take one step at a time, there’s always light a few steps ahead. You can always see the path you’re walking on.

Maybe so far in life, you’ve been choosing the first path. You’ve been stumbling your way in the dark, squinting trying to see, and falling many times. You are making decisions on your own, thinking you can do it yourself and you’re struggling the whole time.

At any time, you can choose to move to the lighted path where your steps are guided by God. God lights your path through the truths in the Bible. These truths become a part of your life by reading, studying, memorizing, and meditating on scriptures. As you spend time in the Word, ask God to reveal Himself to you through the scriptures.

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”  Psalms 119:105

Where to start reading in the Bible

If you have never read the Bible before, a good place to begin is the Book of John. In reading John, you will find out exactly who Jesus is and what He came to earth to do. Additionally, the Book of John is broken down into 21 short easy-to-read chapters. Why is this significant? Experts say it takes 21 days of doing something consistently to create a habit. So, if you read a chapter a day you are forming the habit of getting into God’s Word regularly.

Here is a reading plan that includes devotionals for the book of John.  This comes from the Bible website and app mentioned above: Thru the Bible – The Gospel of John, 21-day Study

If you ask any successful person what helped them along their journey to success they will undoubtedly mention a person who took an interest in them early on and invested in their life. Someone they would call their mentor.

Try These Tips to Be a Good Mentor or Friend

I have been strongly influenced by people who took an interest in me and my work with teenagers and young adults and helped guide and direct me and my ministry over many years. I believe God placed these mentors in my life to help shape who I am today.

Likewise, I have tried to make a difference in the lives of the people who call my radio show by speaking truth to them, being a positive influence in their lives and connecting them with TheHopeLine and our partners.

Have you had a good mentor in your life? Are you in a season where you need to find a mentor to help give you direction? Could you be a good mentor for someone else?
Mentoring makes such a difference in the lives of others.

Here are some benefits a good mentor provides:

• The assurance that there is someone out there who cares for them.
• A consistent presence in their life that they don’t want to disappoint, so they try hard.
• A person who can hold them accountable for achieving the goals they set.
• A resource to bounce ideas off of and help process difficult situations.
• A voice of truth and guidance to keep someone on the right path.
• The encouragement that someone believes in them and has their back.

Quality mentoring relationships have powerful positive effects on people in their personal lives, in social situations, in their education and careers.

I think this world could be an amazing place if we stopped being so focused on ourselves and started investing in the lives of others. So this blog is my way of encouraging you today to open your eyes to the people in your life who may benefit from your influence. You don’t need to go announce to them that you are going to be their mentor, but you can start showing an interest in their life, you can invite them out for coffee or a soda and just give them an opportunity to talk.

8 Tips For Being a Good Mentor:

(Many of these also apply to being a good friend as well.)
BE TRUSTWORTHY. It is important that they fully believe you have their best interest at heart…that you genuinely care. Your motives cannot be selfish. If you are doing this to look like a hero or look like an expert, they will pick up on that. It needs to be about them so that they can trust you with the junk in their lives.

BE SAFE. You want to be their safe place. A place they don’t fear judgment. A place they can share their fears, their mistakes, their vulnerabilities and you will not walk away. You won’t laugh at them. You are safe to confide in.

BE CONSISTENT. Be a person they can count on. If you say you are going to meet at a certain time, be there. If you are going to attend an event, be there. They need to know they can count on you.

BE TRANSPARENT. It’s O.K., even helpful, to let them know you struggle too. You will be more relatable. In fact, knowing you faced challenges, and succeeded despite them, might give them hope for themselves. Using personal stories and experiences is also often a good way to communicate and influence their way of thinking. People often relate to stories much more easily than straightforward advice. However, when sharing your story, you must remember that this is NOT about you. It is still about them.

BE CURIOUS. This might be the most important quality on this list…much more important than offering good advice. Because if you aren’t curious about their life, if you aren’t willing to ask them lots of questions to discover what brought them to where they are today, why they view the world the way they do, and what it is like to walk in their shoes, then you have no right to offer advice. Additionally, learning to ask them questions rather than just throwing advice at them will help them “buy-in” to a solution. They need to discover the solution on their own. Research shows that if someone offers you advice or simply shares an opinion with you, your brain tends to interpret that as a threat to your own ideas. On the flip side questions are embraced by the brain.

Here are some questions to help get you started:

What's going well for you right now?

What isn't going well?

What's something you're feeling frustrated about?

Where are you feeling stuck?

What's something you've learned recently that you're excited about?

What would you like to be different in a month? In a year? Two years?

BE PATIENT. A person will change when they decide to change. Don’t expect them to immediately make perfect decisions once you walk into their life. But stick with them, even when it’s frustrating. They might continue to make some bad decisions for a while but be patient and be a consistent presence in their life.

BE A VOICE OF REASON. As you seek to guide them, much of your role will involve helping them process what the next right step to take is. You are a sounding board for them to bounce ideas off of and then a facilitator…asking them questions to help them come up with their own answers. If they ask for your opinion, say something like, "Sure, I'll give you my opinion. But first I'd like to hear what you think about it.” Change and growth are hard work. But help them reason out what the alternative is. Is it better to stay in the same place with the same consequences? Or to do the hard work of moving forward to a better future?

BE A CHEERLEADER. Celebrate their accomplishments. Build them up. Let them know you believe they can do whatever they put their mind to. Encouragement is the muscle that helps them take the first step toward change.

The benefits of mentoring both for the mentor and mentee are vast. If you are interested in making a last impact on someone’s life, become a mentor. There are many great organizations seeking volunteer mentors, to find an organization in your area.

Are you in a season of life where you could really benefit from having a mentor? Sign up for an e-mail mentor through TheHopeLine here.

Do you have a story about a mentor changing your life or have you mentored someone and found they impacted you? Let me know in the comments below!

Are you suffering from depression?

If you are struggling with depression, I want you to know, I hear your pain…I know it’s real…I know you can’t just snap out of it…or choose to be happy.

I get it…this depression…well it stinks, and it’s not anything you’ve asked for.

So today – I want to share all the ways in which I’ve heard depression described by people who are suffering. If you see yourself in these words, please know that you are not alone.

All satisfaction is gone ~ Void ~ Empty ~ Nothingness ~ Cloudy ~ Darkness hovering ~ Can’t find joy in anything ~ Simple tasks painful ~ No purpose in life ~ Alone ~ No self-esteem ~ Unable to find meaning in life ~ Not able to get out of bed ~ Wondering what’s the point ~ Wear a social mask, until you can’t anymore ~ Shutting everyone out ~ Fear you won’t ever be happy again

• To be totally 100 percent honest, to just get out of bed in the morning would be really nice.
• To make it through an entire day (12 hours!) without wanting to go back to bed and hide from the world would give me ahuge sense of accomplishment as well.
• Start to tell myself I am not a failure or a waste of space in the world.
• Answer my phone when my mom calls to see how I’m doing so she doesn’t worry too much and show up unexpectedly at my house to see if I am still alive.
• Accept that this is my battle and not resist it so much that it makes my suffering worse.
• Choose to love myself.

So why do I share all this? Because I want you to know that a lot of people understand your struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. And the good news is that those who suffer from depression also describe how it feels to get to the other side. I’ve heard it described as leaving the winter season and moving into spring. So, hold on because there is always the other side!

Someone said, “I’m so thankful that I held onto the faith that on the other side of the pain is something good.”

Try to remind yourself of that thought in the dark times.

Also remember depression is treatable!  Sadly, many people do not recognize this, and the symptoms of depression keep them from seeking treatment. If you do nothing else, please:

1. Talk to someone – a doctor, a trusted friend, a parent, a pastor. Share your feelings with someone. If you are feeling suicidal, reach out to suicide prevention services, such as the 24-hour suicide prevention hotline, immediately.
2. Seek Treatment - Treatment might include anti-depressants or “talk therapy” or a combination of both.
3. Ask for prayer -  Sometimes you may not even know how to pray for yourself anymore, so then let others cover you in prayer. It is easy to ask for prayer on TheHopeLine prayer.

As you seek treatment, here are some other things you should consider:

• Try to be active and exercise. Go to a movie, a ballgame, or another event or activity that you once enjoyed.
• Set realistic goals for yourself (maybe like the ones Courtney set above.)
• Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
• Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Do not expect to suddenly “snap out of” your depression. Often during treatment for depression, sleep and appetite will begin to improve before your depressed mood lifts.
• Postpone important decisions, such as getting married or divorced or changing jobs, until you feel better. Discuss decisions with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
• Continue to educate yourself about depression.

(Source: National Institute of Mental Health)

So we get it…we know it’s hard…and we want to be your listening ear if you need one.  Please don’t hesitate to chat with TheHopeLine.

For more verses of Hope: Verses for Hope When Struggling with Depression.

Did anything I suggested in this post help you or any other thoughts on dealing with depression? Let me know in the comments.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

To Love or Not to Love? 

A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.

He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."

I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here: 

The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.   

How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart

 

1. Take heart. You will get through this.

Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache.  It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.

But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.

2. Talk to someone who cares.

I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.

The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.

"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)

3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.

One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.

It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.

"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)

4. Take your broken heart to God.

If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.

You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.

It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.

"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)

5. Give yourself time to heal.

If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.

"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)

6. Learn lessons from the experience.

It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:

• Open communication
• Sensitivity to each other's feelings
• Trust
• Ability to see things from each other's perspective

Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)

Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak