The point of cutting is ultimately to cover over a much deeper emotional pain.

Self-Harm Defined

Self-harm is a way of coping with overwhelming emotional feelings such as sadness, self-hate, emptiness, or guilt by purposefully inflicting injury on oneself. It is a secretive and incredibly harmful addiction. It can take on many different forms such as cutting or burning of skin. And it is destroying too many lives.

This is why Samantha says she cuts: Every time I cut, everything that I feel is GONE! This fall it will be three years that I have been addicted. And I can't help it. I can't go over two days without it. It is what brings me up so I don't have to feel emotional pain, because I've learned physical pain is nothing compared to emotional.

And Christina said, "I know a girl that started cutting a couple years ago. She was doing it because of some family problems, so I started doing it too, not because of what they said but because it's the only way for me to help myself deal with all of the feelings I hold inside."

For those who struggle with painful, emotional issues, self-injury is a way to release their internal suffering and deal with feelings that are not easy for them to express. It is a way for them to feel in control. Since they can't control their emotional pain, they control their physical pain through cutting, etc. People who self-harm are not trying to kill themselves; they are trying to cope.

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Related Posts:
A Door of Hope
Why Do People Self-Harm?
Real Story: Artist Michaela Hatfield
How To Quit Cutting

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Listen to what Cassandra had to say when she called into my radio show.

Self-Harm Statistics

• Each year one in five females and one in seven males engage in self-harm.
• 90% of people who engage in self-harm begin in their teen or pre-teen years.
• Nearly 50% of those who engage in self-harm have been sexually abused.

Exact numbers of people who cut are difficult to come by, since most cutters conceal their addiction and injuries. Yet rates of cutting are much higher among younger people, with the average age starting around 12 years old.

Common Forms of Self-Harm

• Cutting or severely scratching skin
• Carving words or symbols into skin
• Burning or scalding skin
• Biting
• Sticking objects into your skin
• Pulling hair out
• Swallowing poisonous substances or objects

Facts, figures, and definitions are all fine. But if you are a cutter, you know the agony can not be described in numbers or words. You may be cutting and not even know why. And now that you've started, it is hard to stop. Your brain has connected the false sense of relief with cutting, and the addictive cycle begins. You self-harm¦you feel guilty about it¦you don't know how to deal with your guilt¦so you self-harm.

If you are self-harming, I am here to tell you there is hope for you!

With a little help, you CAN stop the addiction and you are not alone.

https://youtu.be/S-0k1Y2pyVE?list=PL3XBICHsy7GhpdgZV4pMH5GeZnVRXPTXL

Thicker (A Slam Poem by Lauryn Lugo)

While the nation may be slowly changing their definitions of beauty, the label of being 'a bigger, pretty girl' can change how women feel about themselves. Permanently. In this brief but effective slam poem, Lauryn Lugo details how our world has come to view body image in pop culture and other ways of society alike.

Have you ever been described by someone with a word that's usually used to describe a milkshake...thick, thicker?   Have you ever struggled with your body image?  Have you struggled with thinking you are enough...just the way you are? You are not alone! 

When:

• 1 in 5 women struggle with an eating disorder or disordered eating
• 81% of 10 years olds are afraid of being fat
• over 1/2 the females between the ages of 18-25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat, and
• 51% of 9 and 10 year old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet

Then if you struggle with accepting your body just the way it is, you are definitely not alone.  In the last several decades, the beauty ideal in the media has increasingly become thinner.  At the same time, cosmetic surgery and the dieting industry have become multi-billion-dollar industries. It makes it so hard to have a positive body image, when skinny and "perfect" is what is promoted in media.  And even the skinniest and "most beautiful" among us is not enough since most model's photos are airbrushed and retouched.  Models should not be the standard on which we compare ourselves.  If only we could see ourselves as the way God created us...a reflection of Him, a person of character and a person with the potential to be loving, kind, unselfish, giving, full of life and love and so much more. If only we could embrace who we are, right here, in this moment, no matter how we look.

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Related Posts:
5 Amazing Reasons Why You Matter
Confessions of a Dyslexic Pretty Girl
‘Identity’: A Chat with Christian Recording Artist Colton Dixon

American Eagle Outfitters recently made a huge stride towards promoting healthy body image.  They were given an Inspires Seal of Approval from the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) in 2015 for promoting healthy body image by not digitally removing model's blemishes, tattoos, or cellulite.  NEDA program director Claire Mysko told People magazine, "We're thrilled to acknowledge Aerie for leading the charge in encouraging girls and young women to embrace who they are."

As well, as accepting our bodies for the way they are, thick, thicker or whatever the case may be, we are also so much more than just external factors. I want you to know:  You are a person made up of intelligence, dreams, goals, kindness, love, beauty not only skin deep, laughter, fun, and so much more.  Audrey Hepburn said it well when she said: The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.
I challenge you today, to look in the mirror and then tell yourself:

I am BEAUTIFUL!

I am a person of great STRENGTH and CHARACTER...full of love and passion to share with the world! 

And then embrace this moment right now and start trying to accept and love yourself despite your flaws.  Don't wait to lose 5 lbs or 20 lbs, don't wait until the next big thing, don't wait to get the right outfit, or until you are a different age...embrace who you are right now!  Emme, a plus-size model and spokeswoman for positive body image, wrote in her blog: "I know this to be true: no matter what kind of body we may have, it's up to us to embrace it, bless it, honor it, take care of it, and allow it to be uniquely beautiful, because a life in conflict with one's body is a life not fully lived nor fulfilled."

Comment below and share with us...How are you embracing yourself today, in this moment?  What can you encourage or tell others to help them embrace themselves for who they are and what they look like today?

If you need help with embracing yourself just as you are, download TheHopeLine's eBook: Understanding Self-Worth.

Eating disorders and Unhealthy relationships with FOOD

Food...Whether you love it, have a love/hate relationship with it, or believe it is your enemy, the truth of the matter is that FOOD drives much of our life.

Food is obviously necessary for sustaining life, but beyond that, food, at its best, brings people together. Celebrations and social gatherings are often planned around food. Food can be a delicious, nutritious, fun part of life.

However, I've seen far too many times when food is turned into a weapon of self-destruction.

Eating Disorders affect over 24 million Americans and 90% of those are women between the ages of 12 and 25.

An eating disorder can take on many faces, but it whether it's someone addicted to food or someone trying to avoid it, all eating disorders center around an unhealthy obsession with food.

In the case of a binge-eater or food addict, they are often seeking emotional comfort in food. A person with compulsive overeating disorder will tend to be overweight, and is usually aware that their eating habits are abnormal. Their over-consumption of food is a way of coping with emotional stresses or covering up pain.

A person with bulimia will binge-eat but then feel guilty and try to compensate for their over-eating by purging or vomiting.

For someone with anorexia they will micro-manage every calorie ingested in an attempt to feel in control of something in their life, and, in an effort to stay thin. They usually have such a skewed perception of their body, thinking they are fat when they are anything but fat. Our culture does not help any either.

• According to a recent study, over 1/2 the females between the ages of 18-25 would prefer to be run over by a truck then be fat, and 2/3 surveyed would rather be mean or stupid.
• 51% of 9 and 10 year-old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet
• 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner.

Seriously??? Fifty percent of girls would rather be stupid or dead??? And a 7 year old is worried about her weight? These studies frighten me. But I know it's true. The pressure to be perfect can be intense and insecurities can mount. It's like Erin said in a note she sent to TheHopeLine about the need to be perfect, "In 8th grade, I noticed how all of my friends had boyfriends and nice clothes and nice houses. And then I began to feel I wasn't good enough because no guys liked me and they liked my friends. So I decided since I wasn't perfect like my friends seemed to be, I would try everything to be perfect. I began to plan out a diet which soon turned into a dangerous eating disorder."

What was the one thing Erin could control? Her diet. So that's what she did to the point of danger. 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.

If you or someone you know is struggling to find freedom from an eating disorder and looking for a restored, healthy relationship with food, please seek counseling. It is not something you can just get over. Yet so many people don't get the help they need. Of the 24 million Americans that struggle with an eating disorder, only 1 in 10 of them actually receive treatment.

I know that going to counseling can be a hard step to take. I also know that so many people who get counseling are tempted to not open up and tell the whole truth. I hear it all the time...

Steph called into my radio show scared because she had just gone through a very bad break-up with her boyfriend. She knew that her coping mechanism was to starve herself and she was worried about where she was headed. She confessed that when she had been to counseling in the past she lied in order to get out of it. I had to get pretty blunt with her, telling her that no one could force feed her to keep her from dying. She had to decide if she was ready to get the help she needed.

Then I got a call from Mackenzie who also said she wasn't being open with her counselor. I would tell you the same thing I told her: You can't expect to get well if you are not telling the whole truth.

I can't stress this enough. HELP is available. You CAN get your relationship with food back on track. I believe you are strong enough to seek the counseling you need, especially with God's help! Please get help before it is too late.

We will get you started right here:

• Download our free eBook on Understanding Eating Disorders.
• Check out our Eating Disorders Resource page which includes, blogs, videos, podcasts, and more.
• Wondering if you or a friend have a problem? Take this quick test to find out.
• Check out our partner organization FINDING BALANCE
• Chat with a HopeCoach
• Request Prayer on ThePrayerZone.

We all want it. A deep meaningful relationship.

You can become infatuated with someone overnight. You can have your lusting desires filled instantly. But you can't build a deep, long-lasting relationship without investing a considerable amount of time into another person.

Here's why...

It takes patience, commitment and a rock-solid foundation that begins as a tried and tested friendship in order to get to a place of trust, respect, and mutual love with another person. It takes putting the other person first and letting go of your own selfish desires. This is why I encourage you to take the time to really get to know someone before you begin dating them. I promise you that discovering a meaningful relationship built on mutual respect and selfless love is worth the wait.

Many people don't have the patience to let a relationship develop. They want to rush into things, because being in a close relationship can feel like the ultimate high. Many times, people imagine a relationship to be better than it really is, just so they can feel in love, a sort of cloudy, fuzzy, state of giddiness that makes everything else in life seem small and boring in comparison.

Sex too Soon

Yet there is a danger of rushing in and adding sex to an undeveloped, uncommitted relationship. When sex is added too quickly, the natural progress of the relationship is thrown all out of whack. Sex is an act of completely giving yourself to another person and to be that vulnerable with someone before you really know them leads to anxiety and questions such as, is this relationship only based on sex or does he/she really love me? This can cause a cloud to hang over them, one that can often ruin their relationship.

Relationships Take Time

How are you going to find a meaningful relationship? Just remember, real love involves a growing relationship, and any amount of growth takes time and attention. Not every relationship is worth the time. And if you take things slow you will discover this before you are in too deep.

My prayer is that you will find that relationship. Protect it for all its worth because it is worth it. Nurture the relationship, take care of it, and do things that will let you get to know each other. Let God be your foundation, and let love, rather than selfishness, be your guide.

For additional help with relationships, read my blog about Guarding your heart in dating relationships. 

 

Living with an Anxiety Disorder

Shelby wrote to us and said, "Living with an anxiety disorder (and one as complex as mine) you just have to learn to keep your mouth shut and keep everything bottled up inside because the second you let it out, you're labeled as crazy or out of control.  It was to the point that if I cried, people worried about me. I felt alone, pushed into a corner and hid by my family."

This breaks my heart...the fact that she thought she needed to keep her feelings locked inside for fear of being labeled and judged. I know that many people struggling with an anxiety disorder feel just like Shelby. But Shelby knew she couldn't just keep her mouth shut. She knew she needed to talk about her feelings, and thankfully she found TheHopeLine. She said, at TheHopeline no one is writing down anything or judging me on what i say, I just get to speak. (Click here to read more of Shelby's story)

Do you know how to deal with anxiety?

Talking about your struggle with anxiety is important. Anxiety disorders are real and getting help is critical. Although it may feel like you are alone in this struggle, I want you to know that you are not. Statistics show that approximately 40 million Americans struggle with an anxiety disorder.

Regardless, I know there are still many mistaken ideas or stigmas surrounding anxiety disorders and these stigmas may keep you from seeking the help you need. Chris called into my radio show and shared this, "I started suffering from depression and I'm having anxiety problems now, and it caused me to lose my job. Now, my dad pretty much doesn't understand and he kind of disowned me over it and he's disappointed in me and I don't know how to make him understand what I'm going through."

Don't Let Stigmas Keep You From Seeking Help

I know it's hard when someone doesn't understand what you are going through, and if you've ever been told to just toughen up or snap out of it, I am sorry. But other people's misconceptions should not keep you from seeking the help that you need.

I also want to caution you about two things:

1.Don't let the stigma surrounding anxiety disorders create self-doubt and shame. Stigma doesn't just come from others. You may mistakenly believe that your condition is a sign of personal weakness or that you should be able to control it without help. When you think less of yourself because of your disorder and when you assume others will see you negatively because of your mental health, it's a self-induced shame.

2.Don't make excuses about getting the help you need. I talk to so many people struggling with anxiety and often when I encourage them to see a psychologist or a doctor or to consider medication, they respond with a lot of excuses. I say, Find a doctor. And they say Yeah, but...I say, there is a lot of options for medication. And they say, Yeah, but... I say, Find a support group. And they say, Yeah, but... I know it's hard, but don't fall into this trap. Be an overcomer rather than a victim. Take baby steps but DO something.

Be An Overcomer

I encouraged Joy in this way when she called into the radio show. After offering Joy a number of options she said, "I don't know. I don't think anything will ever really help." But by the end of the call, she was committed to being an overcomer.

Steps to Take to Help Anxiety

If you are struggling with anxiety, here are some things you should do:

• Get treatment. You may be reluctant to admit you need treatment, but treatment can provide relief by identifying what's wrong and reducing symptoms that interfere with your work and personal life. Treatment may include medication and medication is not a dirty word.
• Don't isolate yourself. Reach out to people you trust for the compassion, support and understanding you need. They can help you deal with your anxiety.
• Join a support group.
• Don't equate yourself with your illness. You are not an illness. You are so much more.
• Speak out. Consider expressing your experiences in a blog or school paper or send a letter to the editor. Your views might help instill courage in others facing similar challenges and educate the public about anxiety disorders.

If you don't know where to start seeking help, we've created a free eBook on Understanding Anxiety. Simply click this image for a free download.

There's an old Nike slogan that said, "Life is Short, Play Hard." They should've written, Life can be small, dream big! Life is too short to not really live it to its full potential. That's why you'll often hear me say to callers on my radio show, follow the dream. Life with a dream can be filled with adventure, meaning, and purpose.

First Define Your Dream

In a moment I'll talk about steps to take to fulfilling your dream as well as dream-killers to be aware of, but first...what is your dream?

James wrote to me: "I'd love to go after my dreams. I just don't know what they are."

Most people who don't figure out what they want to do, end up doing what other people tell them to do, or they just settle for what's safe and comfortable.

Think about what it is that moves you. What seems to be a right fit for you? What can't you stop thinking about? If you could push a magic button and have your greatest dreams fulfilled, what would they be?

Following your dream gives your life focus and purpose. The dream can be anything you want it to be. Your dream could be becoming a waitress, working at a bank, being an artist, teacher, lawyer, writer or maybe even becoming the President of the United States. Or maybe your dream isn't centered around a job, but maybe you want to figure out how to travel more, how to cook amazing food, how to help meet a need in your community or the world. Whatever it is, if it is meaningful to you, and not harmful to yourself or others, go ahead and pursue it!

How To Start Following Your Dream

Ask anybody what is it that they'd really like to do, and most people will have an answer. But, unfortunately, in many cases, it's something other than what they're doing. So how can you get started pursuing your dreams?

Here's a six-step plan for fulfilling your dream:

1. Catch a clear vision of where you want to go. Take time to define for yourself exactly where you want your dream to take you.

2. Find people who are doing what you want to do and talk to them. Ask them what it took for them to get there. Ask some of these people to help you on your own personal journey. Perhaps they can mentor you on your journey.

3. Figure out the steps it's going to take to get there. Don't look for a simple, quick path. This is a journey you're deciding to undertake. You're going to need a lot of help, and a lot of patience, and it's going to take time. Paul wrote: "Sometimes I really hate practicing my guitar. I want to be a good guitar player, a really good one. I wish I was just automatically good. The best I can do now is to do what I can and keep working at it. I'm better now than I ever was. The only way that would change would be if I stopped practicing altogether."

4. Set large and small goals and track your progress to keep you motivated. Do something little each day. Don't wait for big blocks of time when you can really dig into something serious. The more frequently you work at your goals, the more energized and encouraged you'll be. Set short-term goals and track your progress. This will help you maintain focus on your dream. Trust me, if you don't stay focused, you'll be distracted and get busy doing all kinds of other things. Here's what Julie said to herself to stay motivated: I say to myself things like "I can" and "I will," instead of I can't" or "I won't."

5. Be prepared for setbacks. Anyone who has ever gone after their dream has experienced the pain and disappointment of rejection and failure along the way. These setbacks don't have to stop you from continuing toward your goal. Be prepared to find a different route if the one you were counting on turns into a dead end. In fact, you haven't failed until you actually quit trying. So don't let setbacks destroy your dream, but rather let them motivate you to try even harder. Bri wrote: "Whenever I hit a road bump I can choose to be depressed and just give up, or I can take it for what it is, learn from it, and move forward. Knowing that everyone fails sometimes actually helps."

6. Find a way to use your dream to help other people. If the dream is only for you, it will be easy to lose motivation and give up. If you can catch a vision for how you will be able to help and encourage other people, you will find it easier to stay on track. Wherever you are, and whatever you do can be an opportunity to help bring life to every stranger you meet. And that's a dream all of us should pursue.

Just remember, your dream isn't going to happen just because you want it to. I always say, "If it was easy, everyone would be doing it." That's why you need to make going after your dream a priority in your life.

Once you're committed to pursuing your dreams, it's important to know, and resist, the most common dream-killers.

The most common dream killers

• Laziness - It's just too much work.
• Not having clearly defined goals - I don't know where to start or how to finish.
• Thinking I can't - I'm not good enough. There are so many others better than me.
• Listening to other people's negative talk - Maybe what they say about me, and my dream is true. John wrote: "My dream is to join the SWAT team. Except all the people at school keep telling me I can't do it. It's frustrating when everyone around you tries to stop you from doing what you want to do."
• It's become too difficult - I can't stand the failures and rejection along the road to success.
• Money - If only I had more money, my dreams would come true.
• Wrong motives - I just want to be loved, rich, and famous.
• It's not your dream -Those around me will finally be happy when I ________.
• Unrealistic goals - I'll never reach the Sun, so why even attempt the journey! (Who knows, maybe you'll reach the moon!)
• Deadlines - If my dream doesn't come true soon, I'm going to quit
• Quitting - I'm done. No dream is dead until you quit.

Don't Give Up

There are always going to be many opportunities for you to give up. But it's up to you whether or not you do. Just remember, as long as you are heading in the right direction, you are being successful. It's going to take a lot of work and persistence. Nobody ever achieved his or her dreams just by wishing. You have to work at it.

Have you heard people say the joy is in the journey? That is absolutely correct. If you're miserable along the way, only thinking you'll be happy once you reach your goal, you're probably going to be miserable once you get there, as well.

God Can Help

God desires for you to follow your dreams.  He created you with a purpose and gave you your unique talents and abilities to achieve that purpose. In fact, God plants desires in your heart.

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this." Psalm 37:4-5

Pray to God and ask Him to help you on your journey towards your dream. Ask Him to help you see how your dream can fall in line with His dream for you and how it can bring Him honor.

On December 12 of 2010 my team sent out this e-mail on my behalf:

This is an urgent prayer request...Dawson's 25-year-old son Fulton was involved in a serious traffic accident on Saturday. He suffered severe head trauma and is in a coma. The doctors said their #1 job is to reduce the life-threatening swelling on his brain. They have listed his chances of survival as 60/40 but indicate that the longer he survives the better his chances become. Please pray for Fulton, for Dawson, for their entire family. Please feel free to share this with all those you know who would be willing to pray.

Since that day, I have sent updates every week to my very faithful prayer champions, and I continue to do so today. I know without a doubt that the power of prayer has gotten us through to this point. Along the way, I have learned some very important lessons about prayer. I want to share a few of those with you today along with excerpts from my prayer journal that I have e-mailed to my prayer champions:

1. The ONLY source of real hope in times of trouble is to bring our burdens to God in prayer, trusting that God is good and in control of everything.

• Putting my hope in doctors or in Fulton or in the next therapy or in myself has always left me empty. Putting my hope in God's love and provision fills me with peace.

December 17, 2010 (One week after the accident)
I am fighting battles with grief and anxiety, but God has been faithful to give me peace that He is working all things together for good. I will never be the same. There is a huge ache in my heart, but I have handed my son over to the Lord and told him that whatever brings Him the most honor and glory are what I want from this.

January 7, 2011
I went to the studio Sunday night, put on my headphones and took calls from teenagers and young adults like I have every week for 20 years. Do I have moments of fear and anxiety? Of course, but these moments have been dwarfed by my confidence that God is sovereign and in full control. How is it that I could stay calm and strong? Your prayers!

January 14, 2011
I was given a quote that spoke to me, "There is nothing - no circumstance, no trouble, no testing - that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment; but as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes up to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is." Alan Redpath.

2. Spill your heart out to God in prayer...even when you're angry.

• He already knows your heart and is merciful. I often found myself crying out to God in anger and with big questions. God always mercifully directed me back to His goodness and love.

December 16, 2011
A year has passed, and as I thought back to that awful morning a year ago, I burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably. I wish I could tell you they were tears of joy or hope or even of thankfulness for the progress Fulton has made, but they were not. Instead, they were tears of anger, resentment, and fear. I even regressed further and asked the most basic plea of all, "God, why me?" The simple answer to that plea is, why not me? God owes us nothing but judgment.

Sometimes people come up to me and tell me how amazed they are at how strong we have been. This is very kind of them to say but they don't realize the many failures along the way. So, after regaining my composure, I confessed to God my ungratefulness and lack of faith. He comforted me and soon I was dressed and ready to go work with my son at the rehab center. We had a great day together.

September 19, 2014
I hope you are having a great day. Got to hang on to the good ones and reinterpret the ones that aren't. This heartache with Fulton has taught me many things. For example, it is easy to really get angry at God for what has happened. I always thought I would grow past this blatant show of self-centeredness and faithlessness, but sometimes I don't. I am trying to find practical ways to get past this stumbling block because to stay angry at God puts me in a very dark place.

3. Offer prayers of Thanksgiving in the midst of your struggles.

• I have learned to shift my focus off of my problems and onto my blessings, and this has made all the difference.

September 19, 2014
One thing I am trying to do when anger comes is replace it with as many thanks to God as I can possibly think of. For example, I thank God that:

• Fulton is still alive
• He is right with the Lord
• We can still communicate together
• We are closer today than I ever thought we could be
• Fulton seems to be at peace
• Fulton has touched many, many lives

Giving thanks and praising God wipes away the tears of hurt, anger, and heartache. Sometimes I don't want to thank God; I just want to stay stuck in my rage. But what a gracious God we have, who delivers us from the dark times and puts thankfulness in our hearts.

June 10, 2011
It can be difficult, to say the least, watching Fulton suffer day in and day out. It is easy to look on the dark side of the situation and become depressed and withdrawn. This is not what God would have us do.

I received a message on my Facebook page from a woman who heard about Fulton's tragedy. She wrote: "In the end, everything will be ok. If it's not ok, then it's not the end! Chin up Dawson! You have a whole lot to be thankful for, you can still tell your son 'I love you', you can still watch him breathe while he sleeps, you can still see his face every day, etc. You have a miracle already happening right in front of you! EVERYTHING happens for a reason!" Her post really spoke to me. There is so much to be thankful for in this crisis. God is at work in ways we will never understand, but He is doing some wonderful things all around us.

4. God hears everyone's prayers...Not just the super-Christians.

• So many people have prayed for Fulton. It is humbling. Doctors have kneeled beside his bed; nurses & therapists have prayed with me for Fulton. I've received countless e-mails from teens and young adults who listen to my radio show saying they are praying. All their prayers have the same power to the ears of God!

April 8, 2011
Several youth groups came last week to the nursing home to hear our story and meet Fulton. It was very moving as we wheeled him out in front of the audience. After the meeting, my son was taken back to his room and put to bed. Two older teenage guys approached me and asked if they could go back to Fulton's room to pray for him. These guys were pretty rough characters, but so what? They wanted to pray for my son. One of the boys prayed quietly, the other prayed out loud. It was one of the most loving prayers I have ever witnessed. As he prayed for Fulton he patted him on the shoulder and neck to show his love and respect for him. Later I found out these young guys had only been Christians for two weeks. I got to thinking how love never fails and God heard their prayers as much as the greatest Theologian who ever lived. It was a moment I will never forget.

5. Surround yourself with people who will pray for you.

• Without a doubt, God has responded to the prayers of thousands of people who have prayed for Fulton. Their prayers have been a source of comfort, strength and healing.

July 29, 2011
Crunch time comes in the middle of a crisis and only the strong survive. By strong, I mean those who are prayed for, encouraged by God's Word, and have strong people around them.

My son hasn't stood up in seven months. He has either been in bed or in a wheelchair. Recently the staff at the nursing home announced that they were going to help Fulton stand. The rehab people use what they call a "standing table." As I watched him positioned at the standing table, I noticed something else - It took five people to help hold him in place to support him. It was quite a sight to see. Then I got to thinking, "God wants us to stand... but not alone." Even when we can't support ourselves in our life's struggles, He will hold us up and send people to help us stand.

August 23, 2013
At an event this week, several people came to me wanting to know all about Fulton. I was amazed at many of them who assured me they were praying for Fulton on a daily basis. I was so encouraged. Think of the thousands of prayers offered up for Fulton. It has and will make a significant difference in his life.

I hope you will get to experience the tremendous encouragement from those who daily pray for you and listen to God for His response. There's nothing quite like it.

January 10, 2014
In no way has our family had to face this ordeal alone. So many people have sent messages assuring me of their prayer and support. One woman in particular deeply touched me when she wrote, I heard about Fulton on the radio and I immediately pulled off the road to pray for him. What a beautiful picture of love; one woman in her car on the side of the road praying. No one driving by that night knew what she was doing, but God certainly did. And He answered her prayer.

6. Don't give up. Pray continually even when change isn't obvious.

• I continue to learn the hard lesson of waiting on the Lord and continuing to pray as He teaches me patience in His timing.

February 18, 2011
I found myself muttering to God, "come on, God, do something!" It was then I realized I was having a patience problem. As good as God has been to my family and me, I wanted Him to do more and I wanted it then. In fact, I wanted everything on my time table. God made it clear to me I was failing the 'wait on God' test.

It's hard to wait on the Lord because when we do, we are saying we have no control over the situation. All we can do is pray and wait. That in itself takes courage and faith. I believe my son will talk again. But rest assured when he does, it will be on God's timing - not mine, and it will be the best time ever. It will be on God's clock.

August 17, 2012
I am finding that Fulton's very slow recovery has exposed gaps in my thinking. For example, there is the saying, pray until something happens. It is a Biblical thought. To me it means never give up...you pray and fight, believing God is at work and will bring whatever miracles you need, which in my case is Fulton's healing.

I think God does not want us to be satisfied with the broken things of this world. He wants us to do all we can to repair and redeem broken things wherever we find them. But in the midst of our struggle to do this, he patiently calls us to trust him...to be so confident in his loving faithfulness that we are at peace with what he gives or allows each day. So how do we reconcile our struggles with God's trustworthiness? How do we come to this peace? Only one way; PRAYER.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

God says pray militantly, and He will give us peace. Put another way, do what God says and rest in it. Let God deal with the space between hope and reality.

September 25, 2014
I trust all is well with you today. I was thinking the other day about what has impressed me the most during this long journey: It's the continual, consistent, persevering prayers you have offered up for my son. Which begs the question: as beautiful as those prayers are, have they been answered? Not all (yet), but many more than I first imagined.
For example,

• Fulton is alive after being three times on the edge of death.
• His mind seems to be getting sharper every day.
• He has the patience to endure frustrating moments along the way.
• He has touched more lives than one could ever imagine.
• He is loved wherever he goes.
• His love for God is obvious.
• He laughs a lot.

All of these answered prayers are just the tip of the iceberg. But God has made it clear; He has answered those many persevering prayers.

7. Prayer brings victory.

• Sometimes those victories are small and sometimes they are huge, but they are always there. Here are a few of the many miracles I have been privileged to witness along the way.

July 15, 2011
Six months have passed since Fulton's accident. And this week was good. A friend of mine was teaching Fulton how to kick-box from his wheelchair. I was so excited that I went and found one of the main nurses to come watch. While we were watching him kick away, he suddenly broke into a full-fledged smile. The smile was not contorted in any way and looked completely natural. We were astounded and our eyes filled with tears. We could not deny what we had just witnessed. I turned to my friend and said "Did you see him smile? It's a miracle!

August 31, 2012
Fulton has a smile on his face most of the time and appears to be happy. I happened to mention to my wife that Fulton is happier now than he has ever been. Even though my son has serious handicaps, he has learned how to be content. God has given him a sense of peace and a deep contentment about his circumstances. To have God's contentment and peace is priceless, but not always easy to come by. There are millions of people who physically are in much better shape than Fulton, but they have no contentment or peace. This happiness is from God.

August 15, 2014
Your prayers have saved my son's life. Three days ago he had a fever of 104 degrees, pneumonia in both lungs and was put on a ventilator to survive. I will never forget the fear and panic I saw in his face because he could not breathe.

But God, in His great mercy, saved Fulton yet again. His temperature is back to normal and he is scheduled to come off of the ventilator today. Although he is still in the ICU, he has come a long way from where he was Tuesday night. Thank you for loving Fulton through your prayers.

July 31, 2015
Fulton is still growing. He continues to be more alert, stronger, and winning the battle against depression. He's obviously at another level from where he was. Your prayers have meant so much to him and all of us. I said to him the other day, Son, I am not exaggerating when I say at least a hundred thousand people worldwide have prayed for you, and that is why God is healing you one cell at a time. He, with a big smile on his face, gave me a huge thumbs up. He knows without your prayers he would have been gone a long time ago. He has the comfort of experiencing the power of other people's prayers.

We Press On

So, there you have it...7 things I learned about prayer. Nothing else has the same power. I would never have thought it would take so long, but God has His own agenda in teaching us to be patient. He has proved His faithfulness to us one day at a time, and in some cases, even one minute at a time. And so, armed with prayer, we press on, one victory to another.
If you have never had someone pray for you before, please give it a try.

 

Okay, so What is The Real Meaning of Christmas?

In the previous blog on How to Give a Gift that Matters, I talked about how materialistically crazy Christmas has become. For many, especially children, the meaning of Christmas is simply how many good presents they get. But as we all know (hopefully), that's not the real meaning of Christmas.

As we get older, we realize that there's more to it than presents. Every now and then there will be a movie or news story on television about some truly generous giver. And with that, we are reminded of a better perspective on the holidays; that it is like Jesus said, "More blessed to give than to receive."

So then, the real meaning of Christmas is giving, right?  Well actually, no.

For many, Christmas is either merry or depressing because of how many good presents they are able to give. And for some, because their financial situation makes it very difficult to give, they have come to hate the Christmas holidays because of all the giving. Whether your focus is on getting presents or on giving presents - either way, the true meaning of Christmas is NOT about the presents.

So, if the true meaning of Christmas is not about giving or receiving presents, then what?

Many Facebook and blog comments state that the most difficult part of Christmas for them was missing a person who was not with them anymore.

Amanda wrote: The best part of Christmas is being with my family. The worst part is not having my grandfather here anymore. He passed away in August of 2010, 3 weeks before my birthday. He always was the life of every family gathering, especially Christmas when he dressed up as Santa. Every year when he dressed up, I always had a picture taken with him...I'm only 22 and he's been my everything. It's hard knowing he's not here. He got me Santa figurines every year as a present. Now I buy one every year to remember him.

Tragedy will always help us recalibrate our values. It shakes us up and brings us back to reality. Those of you who are regular listeners to DM LIVE radio program or who follow us on Facebook, know about the tragedy in my family; my son, Fulton, was seriously injured in a car accident and was in a coma. There was great uncertainty about if and when he would come out of the coma.

It's like the old Cat Stephens' song (way before your time) "You don't know what you've got till it's gone. "With my son Fulton's accident, I have been forced to stare this truth in the face. Yes, I'm just like the rest of you, and especially like those for whom tragedy (or near-tragedy) is a reminder to us of what is really important. Christmas is so much more than presents, receiving them or even giving them.

So then, the real meaning of Christmas is about the people in your life that you love - right?

As much as I feel the importance of loved ones at this moment (and will be reminded of it every Christmas for the rest of my life), no, that's not the real meaning of Christmas. There are people all over the world who love their friends and family, but who do not celebrate Christmas.

Okay, so what is the real meaning of Christmas?

I'm no Scrooge. Christmas is partly about giving and receiving gifts and it is about celebrating the family and friends in our lives. But the real meaning of Christmas is something even higher, bigger, and infinitely better than all of that.

Christmas is about totally pure, unconditional, irrepressible, inconceivably awesome, self-denying TRUE LOVE.

John was one of twelve disciples of Jesus, and he wrote the book in the Bible known as The Gospel of John. The word gospel means Good News.

John, Disciple of Jesus, wrote: For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

I like what Michelle wrote on our Facebook page. I could easily understand how Christmas could be the worst time of the year for her. But she seems to have put it all together, realizing the importance of the people in her life, the real meaning of Christmas, and because of both of those things, the true joy of giving.

Michelle wrote: The hardest part of Christmas was losing my mom on December 26th to cancer. The Best part of Christmas is celebrating the true reason for the season—the birth of baby Jesus and the HOPE He brings to all. Another best part of Christmas for me is visiting the cancer center where my mom had treatments and giving a teddy bear to a cancer patient from Build-A-Bear workshop in honor and in memory of my mom. Bittersweet moment but well worth the tears :o)

Merry Christmas to you all!

Holidays can be the best of times or the worst of times.

And holidays with separated parents can be especially difficult.

Tyler said, The most difficult part of any holiday for me is being rushed between my parents' houses. I feel bad about leaving one parent for the other.

How many of you have had to eat two turkey dinners in one day? Or have you heard one parent complain about the amount of time you spent at the other parent's home? Here are just a few of the issues that are unique to those of you who are spending your holidays with separated parents:

• Parents picking up where they left off criticizing the other and trying to recruit you to their side.
• Parents spending money they don't have, trying either to work off their guilt or to buy your affection.
• One parent getting offended because you spent one-half day longer with the other parent.
• Opposing families arguing about where you will go and when.
• Your Christmas plans being dictated by some legal document.
• Anger about what the separation has done to your holidays.
• Never having a choice in what happens or where you have to go.

Just when you think things can't get any more complicated, separated parents remarry and then you have to deal with all the "steps" - stepmother, stepfather, stepbrothers, stepsisters, and even step-relatives. I read about one couple in their second year of marriage. Negotiating their holiday plans with their separated and remarried parents became so stressful that they had to see a therapist to cope with the pressure.

Anna wrote: The most difficult part of Christmas is spending it without my father and his family. I don't know any of my mother's family, so gatherings are extremely awkward. Holidays are just all around lonely and depressing for me; I just don't find happiness in them anymore.

Even though the holidays can be really tough, I want to give you some ideas and ways to make this year's holiday better. You may not get to decide where you spend the holidays, but you can have a positive impact in other ways. You can survive this!

Here are 5 Tips for Surviving the Holidays with Separated Parents

Stephanie wrote: Probably the most difficult part of Christmas for me is seeing how much things or life in general have changed from one year to the next and how things can never be as they once were.

• Get ahead of the competition. Make your Christmas list and encourage parents to go in together. In other words, try to reduce the competition between them. It may sound good at first having parents competing to buy your loyalty or to make up for what the separation had done to your life. But the extra stress between separate parents is not worth the extra stuff.
• Set some boundaries. The rules and boundaries for those of you with separated parents can get really crazy, especially when it comes to the holidays. A boundary is like a limit or a protective fence around yourself. An emotional boundary protects you from the negativity of warring parents. For instance, you can say, "I am not going to listen to, or participate in conversations that run down the other parent." You can also physically create a boundary by walking out of the room when negative talk erupts.
• Change your focus. Instead of dwelling on how terrible the holidays are with separated parents, several listeners commented that the most difficult part of the holidays for them is being aware of people who have far less. Even when family members can't find anything to agree on, they can always find someone they can all feel good about helping. If you dread the Christmas holidays because they are so materialistic or because they highlights aspects of your family that anger or depress you, try this: Start a new tradition by getting as many in your family as possible involved in doing something for someone less fortunate. There are lots of ways to do this - serve a meal at a homeless shelter, bake cookies for an elderly neighbor, write letters to our military soldiers who won't be home for the holidays, and more. Even if your family doesn't want to do it with you, just your own service to someone in need will change your whole perspective.
• Take care of your health. Because the holidays can be so emotionally stressful, you need to be mindful of your own health. Depression can set in when everything around you is in chaos and out of your control. Download TheHopeLine eBook on depression so you can be informed and have practical ways to cope. Exercise is great for increasing endorphins - the feel-good chemicals in our brains. Sometimes just going for a walk can lift your spirit and clear your head.
• Spend time with friends.

Even though you are obligated - or court-ordered - to spend the holidays with your separated parents, make some time to see your friends as well. Even if it is just a phone call, a friend can make you laugh or give words of encouragement. And if a friend is not available remember our HopeCoaches are available 24/7 to chat online with you. Sometimes just venting to someone about the stress you are feeling can really release a lot of the anxiety.

Just know that I am thinking about you during the holiday season. TheHopeLine and I are here for you. We know you can make this holiday the best one yet!