Breaking the Cycle of Abuse

Physical abuse is not always apparent, and it can take time to become obvious. But identifying early signs of a physically abusive relationship may be key to breaking the cycle of abuse.

It’s important to remember that abuse goes beyond anger, and that arguing, and conflict are not necessarily abusive, even though they might bring up strong reactions and unpleasant behaviors.

The patterns behind abuse are often more subtle. But awareness is always helpful, and I hope it helps you or someone you know in an abusive relationship find freedom and healing.

Early Signs of Physical Abuse

These warning signs (adapted from a list by Women’s Advocates) are early signs of physical abuse.

• Fast-Moving: Things move quickly, and you or your loved one may feel like they are moving too fast: “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.”
• Jealousy: Things get possessive quickly in abusive relationships. People who abuse don’t want their family members or partner to go anywhere without them because they might meet someone to whom they would be closer than the abuser.
• Controlling: Abusive behavior is driven by control. Abusive partners or family members try to control finances, activities, and connections to others.
• Threatening: “I’ll kill you if you ever try to leave me,” or “you’ll never find a place to live if you move out,” and other threats are a big red flag when it comes to identifying signs of abuse

How Early Stages of Abuse Make You Feel

Before people are physically harmed by abuse, they often have difficult, painful feelings. I strongly suggest seeking help if you are in any relationship that makes you feel:

• Overwhelmed: You or your loved one are overwhelmed because someone expects to have all their needs met or expects their version of “perfection.”
• Ashamed: Guilt and shame are emotional indications of potential physical abuse because abusers blame victims of abuse for everything, even if it is clearly their responsibility.
• Lonely: Abusive people isolate those they abuse, making them feel more and more isolated over time.
• Fearful: It is natural to feel afraid if the person you or your loved one is part of a relationship with is abusive. It is important to listen to those fears and do what you can to protect yourself as soon as you are able.

See the Signs? Get Support

If you see the signs of abuse (or potential abuse) developing in a relationship in your life or the life of a loved one, it’s time to get support so freedom can be found, and you can begin the long journey of healing after abuse.

TheHopeLine partners with many organizations that help abuse victims find safety. Along with these amazing groups, TheHopeLine offers mentoring to support people who are in post-abuse recovery, or who are working to break free of an abusive relationship. Talk to a HopeCoach today if you’re ready to get help for yourself or need to know how to help a loved one. We are here for you, and we will get through this together.

If your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner gets angry often, it could become abusive. Learn how anger and abuse are different, and how to make a change.

Life Can Break Your Heart

Life is hard, and the painful things you’re going through in life can break your heart. Have you ever felt like this person who reached out to us?

“I just went through a breakup, and I feel like it came out of nowhere. One week, he was telling me how much he loved me. Then, all of a sudden, he doesn’t think we want the same things anymore. I never thought I would go back to being alone so soon, but everyone keeps telling me I need to pick up the pieces and move on. How do I do that? What am I supposed to do without this person I thought I was going to share my life with?”

Heartbreak is always tough. But it can be devastating in a way that really derails us, especially when:

• You believed you would stay with someone forever.
• The person who broke your heart is a parent or immediate family member.
• The relationship became toxic, harmful, or abusive.
• You lost friends in addition to the partner you broke up with. 
• People are telling you that the heartbreak isn’t a big deal, or that “it’s all in your head” and you need to “get over it.”
• You struggle with hating yourself or feel like no one can love you because you’ve heard unkind words from your partner.

I know it feels like you don’t know where to begin when it comes to picking up the pieces of a broken heart. But I want you to know I feel your pain as you’re trying to process this heartbreak. It’s hard to come back after heartbreak, but it’s not impossible. There are steps you can take, one day at a time, to move forward and get back to feeling like yourself again.

1. Let Yourself Express “Bad Feelings”

When your heart has been broken, you feel things with an intensity you didn’t think was possible before. It’s tempting to ignore or stuff down feelings we may think are “negative” (like anger, sadness, or fear). 
But if we ignore our feelings, or bottle them up inside, we’re not actually taking the time to figure out why we’re hurting, or to explore how we really feel about the person or situation that broke our heart. That means we may not be able to get the help we really need, and we may end up feeling stuck in a loop of negative emotions. 
On the other hand, naming as many feelings you can when your heartbreak brings them up is an important step toward getting the specific, unique support you need.

• If you don’t know how to start, try: I feel [emotion] when I think about [heartbreaking situations] because [why you think you feel this way].
  • For example: I feel angry when I think about our breakup because he didn’t give me a real reason, we couldn’t work things out. 

Don’t be afraid to name your feelings. They feel powerful, but they’re just emotions, and you’re in charge. Try it just once a day to start with. You might be surprised how much you learn about yourself, and about your life, in the process.

2. Expect Ups and Downs

There will be ups and downs as you cope with heartbreak. Some days, you’ll feel down in the dumps, like nothing will ever change. Other times, you may feel exhilarated and free, like you get to start fresh and redefine yourself. These feelings are normal, and a part of the grieving and healing process.

You don’t have to force yourself to feel better, be happy, or think differently about the heartbreaking situation. As you continue to make efforts to talk about and work through your feelings from day to day, your emotions will shift and change over time. There’s no need to rush it. Just start with how you feel about it today, and work from there.

3. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

In the world of social media and sharing personal stories, it’s easy to seek out what others are doing, and how they’ve healed from their heartbreak and sadness. That can certainly help you feel less alone and isolated, but avoiding comparison is important. Everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no “one right way” to recover from heartbreak.

Don’t beat yourself up if weird and tough feelings come up along the way. It’s going to happen. and there may be people that don’t get it. But there are plenty of people who have been on this journey, and have come out the other side, who will offer understanding and a listening ear along the way. 

4. Remember Good Things and Growth

The sadness of heartbreak can dominate and overwhelm, but it’s helpful to remember good things about your relationship or friendship. There is some goodness about situations and people, even the complicated and difficult ones. It may not be possible to find good things to hold on to about someone, depending on the reasons the relationship went south. That’s okay. Just work with whatever you have.

If you can, think about things like:

• What you’ve learned about yourself along the way
• How you’ve shown strength during the ordeal of heartbreak
• How you can be a better friend as a result of this tough situation

5. Try Something New

There will be a sense of a “hole” in your life after a heartbreak. Rather than filling it with unkind thoughts toward yourself, or unhealthy behaviors, you can branch out and try something new:

• A hobby you’ve been wanting to start
• A new book or podcast
• A recipe or style of cooking
• A new type of exercise or movement

Or perhaps that “hole” could be filled by examining your spiritual beliefs and learning more about God and the relationship He desires to have with you. Did you know God sees you as precious, loved, and a masterpiece? If you’re not sure where to start, or if you don’t understand why God would let you experience heartbreak, praying about it may help you find greater peace. If you are open to finding time to pray each day or each week, it may be a great comfort to discover what the Creator of the universe has to say about you. Over time, you could replace the harmful lies that heartbreak has made you believe about yourself with this important truth: You are loved by a God who will never abandon you and has set you on a path that He knows will bring you happiness, even if it’s not the path you thought you’d be taking.

Any of these are great opportunities to grow, learn, have fun, and find joy, which you can still do (even with a broken heart).
If you’re not feeling very motivated, check with a close friend about what they’re interested in these days. Maybe you two can start exercising together, do a book club with some of your favorite books, or take a free online course. There are lots of things out there waiting to be tried that are healthy distractions from a heartbreaking situation.

6. Get Help If It’s Too Much

Even with the best intentions, heartbreak can seem to take over your body and mind. If it feels like depression is overwhelming you, especially to the point where you’re despairing, get support and guidance. 

• You don’t have to feel like there’s nothing you can do.
• You don’t have to feel like there’s no one you can talk to. 
• You don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of depression and hopelessness. 

You can talk to a faith leader, a counselor, or a trusted friend. And, if you don’t know where to turn first, you can talk to us. 
TheHopeLine offers mentoring via chat and email to support you during this tough time. Talk to one of our HopeCoaches today to sort through heartbreak and find a path forward. We are here for you. 

Father Relationships

Father relationships can be complicated, frustrating, and painful. Depending on what you’ve been through, you may want to rebuild things with your father. Whether you’re longing for a greater sense of connection with your biological father, an adopted father, a stepfather, or a father figure in your life, I’m hopeful that sharing what I’ve learned can help you on that path.

Can I Have a Better Relationship with My Dad?

How much you are able to influence your relationship with your dad depends on the situation and the reasons for your feelings of father hunger. In general, I believe most any relationships can grow stronger or more stable if:

• You feel a sense of physical and emotional safety that allows you to have contact with them or be around them
• Your father is also willing to put time and effort into building and maintaining a relationship with you
• You are able to acknowledge steps forward in your relationship, even if they’re small

If this describes your situation, I think it’s very likely you can improve your relationship with your dad.

How Can I Have a Better Relationship with My Father?

If you consider yourself in a place of safety when it comes to your dad, you can start taking small steps to improve your relationship. This could mean things like:

• Sending cards: Send your dad a brief note or card for birthdays and holidays.
• Calling on a regular basis: Try starting with once a month to see how your conversations go.
• Start getting together: If phone calls help you feel more comfortable talking to your dad regularly, and you are enjoying the conversations, you can start getting together for coffee or a meal. I would suggest every few months, or around an important occasion. Meet in a public place and set clear boundaries around your time, so you don’t have to prolong an experience for any longer than you feel comfortable doing.

Will My Relationship with My Dad Improve?

Without knowing you or your dad personally, it’s hard to say how your relationship will turn out. But I like to encourage people to remain hopeful in the face of relationship challenges. You may be able to remain more hopeful by:

• Praying about your relationship with your dad: Sometimes prayer helps us get our most raw and difficult feelings out in a place where we will never be judged, and we will always be loved. Praying and meditating on encouraging Bible verses may also help remind you of God’s unconditional love, which is often a great source of encouragement for people with tough family relationships.
• Celebrating little wins: Small victories (like a good phone call, a pleasant visit, or hearing from your dad a little more often) should be celebrated. You can be grateful for every step forward.
• Remembering he’s human: Sometimes your dad is going to make mistakes, even though he wants to rebuild a relationship. If you can, try to forgive your dad for the bumps in the road that may come up as you try to strengthen your relationship. Hopefully, he will be patient with you when you make mistakes, too. 

Who Can Help Me with Parent Relationships?

You can get support as you work toward a stronger relationship with your dad, starting here. TheHopeLine offers mentoring and support to improve family relationships of all types. Don’t wait if you feel overwhelmed by struggles in your relationship with your dad. Talk to a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine today.

Is struggling to forgive your dad getting in the way of having a better relationship with him? Find out if you should forgive and forget here. 

Family relationships can be difficult, especially when you are struggling to figure out your way as a young adult. I’ve had people come to me after they’ve made choices, they regret concerned about their parent relationships. They wonder, have I broken my parents’ hearts?

I hurt with you if you are wondering whether you’ve caused your parent's heartbreak. But I don’t want you to lose hope. There is hope for healing parent relationships, and there are steps you can take to reconnect with your parents if you feel you’ve disappointed them.

Focus on Responsibility (Not Shame)

When I’ve let someone, I love down, it’s easy for me to sink into feelings of shame. Maybe you’ve struggled with this after upsetting your parents. But shame can feel like a sinkhole. And it can get us stuck.

What helps me is to focus on responsibility. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s responses, their feelings about me, or how active they choose to be in a relationship with me.

What I can do is choose how I act, what I say, and how I decide to love that person every day.

The only thing you have control over when it comes to mending a relationship with your parents is your behavior and your thoughts and feelings towards them. As you make efforts to make amends and keep things positive, you may notice the relationship with your parents starting to heal.

Express Your Feelings

Telling your parents how you feel is an important part of the healing process for all of you. Tell them what you’ve been feeling about your relationship with them, and how you are willing to work on making things better. If you’re not sure how to improve things, you can always ask. It may help to say things like:

• I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. What can I do to make things better?
• Can I help you around the house this week? I’ve noticed you’re having a stressful time.
• I think I need help getting things on track. Would you support me reaching out to a counselor or mentor?

Hopefully your parents will recognize your efforts and support you in your growth and healing. That, in turn, can strengthen and heal your relationship over time.

If you still share a home with your parents, volunteering your time to help out at home, help them run errands, or helping take care of a younger sibling would likely mean a lot to them. You can also suggest spending quality time together. Sharing a meal, or watching a favorite movie together, is a great way to do that.

Remember You are Loved

When parent relationships are strained, it’s easy to feel alone or abandoned. But the truth is, you are loved. God loves you unconditionally and is always there to help you through even the most difficult seasons of your life. You have friends and other family members you can reach out to. And you can find a sense of connection and community at school, at your place of worship, or in a support group. Focusing on building other relationships may help you take some of the strain off a challenging relationship with your parents.

If you need extra encouragement, we are here to help. Chat with a HopeCoach from TheHopeLine for suggestions to strengthen and heal parent relationships. We are here for you, and we believe there is always hope for things to get better.

Are you having a problem with forgiving your parents? Read my blog on how God's love can help us forgive someone that has hurt us. 

Addictive Behavior

The reasons why people become addicted are complex and frustrating. If you or a loved one have suffered from the impact of addiction, it can be hard to understand why addiction happens. I know the feeling of being in pain or struggling and wanting to understand the source of that pain.

Most often, addictive behavior doesn’t have a single root cause. Instead, there are many factors that can influence someone’s choices to engage in substance abuse or other harmful behavior.
Here are some of the most common reasons you or a loved one may find yourself feeling stuck in a cycle of addiction.

Genetics

Depending on someone’s family history with addiction, the tendency toward addictive or compulsive behavior could be genetic. This doesn’t mean it is impossible to manage. But it may help lessen some feelings of guilt and shame that come along with addictive habits or relapses into addiction.

Isolation

If you have been physically, socially, spiritually, or emotionally isolated from your support system, you may resort to addictive behaviors to numb the pain or self-soothe. The connection between isolation and addiction is a key reason why addiction support groups can be very effective. It is also encouraging to know that simply calling someone to check in, or spending quality time with someone you care about, may go a long way toward discouraging addictive behaviors.

Unhealthy Coping

I’ve talked with a lot of people over the years about addiction. Often, part of the root of the problem is that their addiction seems like the “easiest” way to end their pain. Something like drinking to excess or drug use may seem to relieve the pain right away, but it does harm to your mind and body. Addictive behaviors also warp your perception of yourself and your ability to face challenges.

But here’s a truth I hope you find liberating. Many people living a life in addiction recovery have learned something about themselves: they are strong enough to cope with life’s challenges without drugs, alcohol, or self-harming behavior.

Finding healthy coping mechanisms to build into your routine in place of the unhealthy ones is a great first step. This could be anything from going on walks to journaling to spending time in quiet meditation. For some, turning to faith is an essential part of recovery.

Many recovering addicts have found great strength and encouragement in God’s unconditional love and forgiveness. While prayer and going to a place of worship may not stop addiction by themselves, they can be an important part of a healthier approach to the struggles of life.

Lacking Support

You’re doing the right thing: looking for answers to questions about addiction, so you can get help for yourself or your loved one.

And you may have told people who care about you what you’re facing. But friends and family are often not enough of a support system. Attempts to stay clean and sober are more likely to fail without expert support from qualified people like counselors, therapists, and dedicated addiction recovery groups.

Luckily, the information you need to start building a strong support network is at your fingertips, starting here. You can talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine if you need help finding resources, answering questions, or getting more information about recovery. We are here for you, and we believe in you.

To the person who is dead serious about recovery from addiction, whether it's cutting, gambling, drugs, eating disorders, etc., there is hope. Find out more here. 

Accepting Praise is Not Selfish

If you struggle with self-esteem, you almost certainly find it difficult to accept praise. And this goes the other way, too. If you’ve noticed that you deflect compliments or reject praise, the deeper reason for this is likely connected to low self-esteem.

Sometimes, we resist praise because we think it’s egotistical. But it’s important to remember that accepting praise is not selfish or arrogant. Compliments and encouraging remarks from friends and loved ones are meant to lift your spirits. They are beliefs other people have about the good things you do, your talents, and what gifts you bring to the world.

So why is it so hard for you to accept praise even when you love the person offering it to you? It’s likely because you believe the opposite about yourself, and that sense of tension makes you feel uncomfortable. So, to ease or end the discomfort, you deflect or discount the compliment.

How to Get Better at Accepting Praise

I know it’s difficult to accept compliments for a lot of reasons, but if you have low self-esteem, it can feel impossible. The good news is, there are simple things you can do to get better at accepting compliments and praise, like:

• Expressing gratitude: Simply saying thank you (no “buts…”!) is the easiest way to get comfortable with accepting compliments over time. It keeps you from dwelling on any discomfort with the topic, and avoids deflecting or disagreeing with compliments, which can strain your relationships and friendships.
• Note the compliment: If you have deep self-esteem issues, noting praise you receive in a journal may make it easier to remember, and may help you reshape your view of yourself to align better with what others see over time.

Acknowledging teamwork: If you are being complimented for something you did as a group, or with a partner,

• acknowledging that teamwork and sharing the credit can make accepting compliments a bit easier.

As with most efforts to change our mindset, getting better at accepting compliments (and the resulting improvement in self-esteem) takes time. But even making a small effort every day will go a long way toward helping you develop healthier habits.

Sometimes, it also helps me to remember how much God loves me, and how worthy He thinks I am of love. Since I trust in God, and that He is wise and understanding, trusting His love for me can be helpful when I am struggling to recognize the good things about myself.

Improving Self-Esteem: Extra Support

Sometimes you need extra support building your self-esteem. That is perfectly normal, and many people seek help with this every day. You can get a little extra support in this area from close friends, family, a faith leader, or a counselor.

Or you can talk to a mentor. Mentoring is a great way to feel heard, supported, and accepted by someone who can help guide you through some of the messier feelings that surface when working on your self-esteem.

Talk to a Hope Coach today to explore limiting beliefs you might have about yourself, and how to find freedom and joy in who you are. We are here to listen, and ready to help.

If you have low self-esteem or self-worth, you can feel better about yourself. Here are 6 easy ways to feel better about yourself today.

Being Honest About My Depression Just Got Me Lectures

I've been struggling with depression for 3 and a half years. I kept my depression from my family because being honest with my mom about what I'm dealing with has only ever led to lectures. I don't feel like they care about me. I feel like they just want me there to clean the house so they can stay in their rooms all day. All these feelings fueled my depression and took a toll on me every day.

I Couldn't Take it Anymore

It was getting to a point I couldn't take much more. So, one time I took a sharp knife, and I was trying to convince myself to just end it. The only thing that stopped me was the little bit of hope I had left.

I moved in with a family friend shortly after this but found out the friend was a pathological liar and a drug addict.  This all messed with my mind as well, and I got to a point I was desperate to stop hurting. I couldn't cope with my past or my present, so I started cutting myself

I Had Anger Towards God

For a long time, I thought God was responsible for everything I've been through and that caused me to feel a lot of anger towards Him. But then one night I chatted with The Hopeline, and the HopeCoach I talked to helped me realize God is not responsible for the bad things in my life. Satan is. I understood the truth they were telling me that God is not capable of being bad.  This understanding has allowed me too not be angry at Him anymore. With this new perspective, I'm reading The Bible and trying to get to know Him and build a relationship with Him.

TheHopeLine Has Been There for Me

I still struggle with self-harm but focusing on the positives helps, and every day it gets a little easier not to give in to it. TheHopeLine has been there for me when I've needed someone to talk to and help me off the ledge. They helped me realize God will always love me and He will never leave me or hurt me, and nothing I have done or will do could change that.   - Brittany

Do You Need Help for Depression or Self-Harm?

If you are struggling with depression or self-harm, like Brittany, you are not alone. We are here to listen and help you with what is going on in your life. Chat online with a Hope Coach for a free, non-judgmental, live chat with a real person.

Resources for Depression: 

• Find out how blogger Jessica Seale found strength and hope in the bible for depression and suicidal thoughts: Why I Live: Depression, Suicide and the Bible 
• Contact our partner, Focus on the Family, for a free counseling consultation and referral service.
• Free eBook from TheHopeLine: Understanding Depression 

Resources for Self-Harm:

• This checklist gives you 15 Ways to Distract Yourself from Self-harm.
• Contact our partner, Door of Hope, for emotional support, guidance and resources for self-injury.
• Free eBook from TheHopeLine: Understanding Self-Harm and Cutting

Healthy Anger Management is Possible

When you get really angry, it can affect your physical health. Whether you’re mad at a friend, fighting with a parent, or going through a breakup, anger can be tough to get through in a healthy way, and could easily take its toll on your physical health.

There have been times I’ve been so upset that it felt like anger took over my mind and body. My shoulders tensed up. My stomach tightened, and I felt my body temperature and heart rate rise. In those moments, it was harder for me to think clearly about my feelings, and I often did or said things I regretted later. 

That’s not to say anger on its own is “wrong” or “bad”. In fact, there are plenty of good reasons to be angry. If someone has hurt you or treated someone you love cruelly, for example, it’s completely understandable why you would be upset. However, if you let it rob you of your peace of mind or drain you physically, that’s a sign that the way you express your anger (or the choice to bottle it up rather than express it), is unhealthy.

The physical anger response varies from person to person, but some signs you are carrying anger in the body include, “teeth grinding, fists clenching, flushing, paling, prickly sensations, numbness, sweating, muscle tensions and temperature changes” [source: Travis].

If you’re feeling any of this when you’re upset, you could be letting anger get the better of you. Feeling physical signs of anger is a natural response to such a strong emotion. There’s nothing “bad” about feeling angry, and even feeling strong anger. But anger can sometimes become so overwhelming that we feel like we might hurt ourselves, hurt others, or damage something valuable. If your anger is pushing you to the limit, there are things you can do to stop it from taking over and becoming harmful.

I would like to offer you 7 anger management tips to help you funnel your anger, use it for good and release it from your body. 

1. Recognize My Feelings are Valuable

One of the things that adds to frustration when you already feel upset is that people sometimes just tell you to, “calm down”, and “stop being emotional” without really listening to what you’re saying or feeling. But your feelings are valuable, and there are often real reasons to be angry, especially about injustice or harm. Remembering you and your feelings have value is a good first step toward mentioning and managing those feelings.

2. Use My Energy for Something Meaningful

Anger can “fuel” us, can’t it? After all, we get a surge of energy from the adrenaline pumping through our veins when we get mad. We want to do something with what we’re feeling. We want things to change. I think that can be turned toward healthy and meaningful actions, but of course it isn’t just going to happen overnight. It will take work, and some days you may feel like you aren’t able to stop being angry. That’s okay. It’s all part of the process. Just keep trying and do your best to find hope in the progress you’ve made. 

You probably can’t change the person or situation that’s making you angry, but if you’re angry about harm or injustice, there are things you can do with that energy:

• Volunteer to help people or causes you care about: Taking time to uplift people who have experienced hurt, injustice, or mistreatment is definitely a healthy use of our anger.
• Reach out to others who need encouragement. Sometimes getting “out of my own head” for a moment to write, call, or text someone to check in with them is just what I need to get my own difficult feelings and situations into perspective. 
• Set goals for changes you want to make: Anger often comes from wishing things were different. Are there things in your own life and routines you’d like to change? Working on those can help you find peace and acceptance, which is useful when acknowledging things, we can’t change right away. In addition, you will make yourself proud of the growth you are capable of, even if you couldn’t change anything in the moment.

3. Remember People Care About Me

We get angry because we get hurt or because people who are important to us have been treated unkindly or unjustly. In those moments, it can seem like no one cares, because your feelings are so strong and present. But there are many people who care about you and who want to help you when times are tough. Keep a list of people you’re grateful for, who you know love you unconditionally, and remember them first when your anger is trying to convince you no one cares. Another good idea is making a list of things you are grateful for in your life, whether it be a family pet, a memory, a piece of music, etc. These lists can center you in the heat of the moment and bring some comfort. If it’s hard to think of people or things you’re grateful for, start with happy memories, favorite songs, or listing shows, movies, or books that make you feel better when nothing else seems to work.

4. Breathe

Deep breathing is helpful at calming the heart rate and slowing your body down. In a moment of intense anger, taking some deep breaths before you act or speak can be the difference between an overreaction and a
healthy response. You can try a breathing exercise right now to see what a difference it can make. 

• Breathe in through your nose, slowly, for a few seconds. 
• Hold your breath for a few seconds. 
• Breathe out slowly through your mouth. 
• The tension that releases with each breath will likely help you feel more relaxed and centered, which is key to managing anger in a healthy way. 

It’s good to practice deep breathing techniques daily to get in the habit of calming and centering ourselves. When we do get angry, we are more likely to pause and take some deep breaths if it’s already something we’ve been practicing. Even better, we will likely understand the benefits of these cleansing breaths the more we engage in centering ourselves before reacting.

5. Move Your Body

Movement is another excellent way to battle anger and stress. Whether it’s gentle stretching, going for a walk, or more intensive exercising to release the pent-up energy that puts you on edge, these are all helpful tools that can positively affect your mind and body. Working healthy movement into your daily self-care routine makes it an easier “go-to” when you’re feeling upset.

6. Pray

If you have never prayed before, praying about anger may seem like a strange suggestion. But prayer is a good option when you feel like your problems are too big for you to understand, to solve, or even to control. Prayer doesn’t require you to be in a good mood, or to feel great about your life. There is a whole book of the Bible, called the Psalms, with written prayers, many of which were prayed during times of intense anger and frustration. 

That’s the good thing about prayer. You can pray no matter how upset you are, or what state of mind you're in. You can even pray if you’ve never prayed before, or if you’re unsure if God will even listen to you. That’s because God loves us no matter how we feel, whether we are certain we believe in Him or not, and he wants to hear our prayers. 

I’ve found it really helpful to pray for the people who make me angry, too. It’s not easy to do, especially in the heat of the moment, but it can make a big difference in our mindset over time. Does praying make others’ hurtful words and actions okay? Of course not. But it is something that can help me remember that God can handle things and people, that are too big, or too much, for me to take on by myself.

If you have a hard time praying, or are unsure how to pray, it could help to have someone you trust pray with you, or to ask someone to pray for you. 

7. Know I Can Get Help

Anger can be overwhelming, especially when you have other physical and mental health issues that make it more difficult to manage strong emotions on your own. Don’t feel afraid or ashamed to reach out for help. You can talk to a faith leader, a close friend, or a counselor. And if you’re not sure where to start, you can get help here.
TheHopeLine offers online mentoring and resources if you need help with anger or other tough emotions. Talk to a HopeCoach today to start sorting through your anger. We’re here to listen and help without judgment, and there is hope for greater peace of mind.

Has anger taken over your life? Listen to my podcast as people talk openly with me about their anger issues looking for help to deal with it. 

Life can be tough. Whether it’s difficult consequences from our choices or unkind words and actions from someone else, low self-esteem and low self-worth are part of life for many of us. Dealing with low self-esteem is never easy, but it helps to understand why we’re feeling down, so we can make a plan to turn things around. Once you’ve had some time to explore it and think things through, it can be really helpful to reach out to someone for support. 

Through the years, I've talked to many on my radio show that told me they are feeling down, and they don't feel like they are worthy of love and acceptance. What I do know is that those times don’t last forever. There is hope. You can feel better about yourself. Here are some simple things to do when you're having a bout of low self-esteem.

1. Talking to a Loved One 

Talking to a friend or family member is a great way to get a boost of encouragement when you need it most. Let your friends and family know when you’re having a rough time. And if there’s something specific you need to feel better, let them know what your needs are. Chances are, they can help, or know someone who can. If it’s not a problem they can solve, just knowing my friends care and are there to listen can be encouraging to me.

2. Doing Your Favorite Hobby

What are you good at? What do you know a lot about? Spend time learning about and doing those things when you feel down.
Remembering your skills and talents will be a great self-esteem boost.

3.  Journaling 

Writing things down is often key to helping me get things off my chest, including when I’m feeling bad about myself. If you spend time journaling, write about how you’re feeling, and how you’d like things to change. Then try writing down what you like about yourself. If that’s too difficult, try writing about what people you care about like about you. If you wrote about what makes you feel down, be sure to come back to it, and journal about what makes you feel better.

4. Finding Motivation

There are plenty of people who are very motivational and inspirational, and their wisdom can go a long way to improving your self-worth. Look for TedTalks, motivational speakers, or books by people you admire to uplift you when you’re struggling.

5. Reconnecting with Your Faith 

Faith is hard to hold on to when you’re not feeling good about yourself. But when you’re able to be reminded how much God loves you, it can help you feel comforted and encouraged. If you don’t know where to start, spend time in silence, try saying a prayer, or look up encouraging Bible verses that raise your hopes. Remember, God loves you, and He sees you as worthy of love.

6. Talking to a Mentor

Sometimes, talking to someone who’s worked through difficult feelings and come out on the other side can help you have hope that things will get better for you, too. If you’re not sure where to start, you can get that support right now.
TheHopeLine offers no-cost online mentoring for people struggling with their self-esteem. Talk to a HopeCoach today about how you’re feeling, and what you can do to feel better sooner. We are here to listen, and we believe things will look up.

Isolation can negatively impact mental health, but there are ways to feel connected and strengthen friendships. Find out more here.